Would like advice Re: Trans person

[MrsDavidB]

This happened with my cousin's son Tyler also. We all knew he was gay but on the day of his graduation the pics they put up were all of him wearing a dress, make up to the nines, heels, jewelry etc. He just came out trans to the whole family (and world) just like that. NOBODY mentioned it on the post! We all just said congratulations Tyler! Do not say anything. It's not necessary!!

You mean your cousins daughter.

Whatever. Up to that point he was a boy to me and everyone.

[Anonymous 6]

This happened with my cousin's son Tyler also. We all knew he was gay but on the day of his graduation the pics they put up were all of him wearing a dress, make up to the nines, heels, jewelry etc. He just came out trans to the whole family (and world) just like that. NOBODY mentioned it on the post! We all just said congratulations Tyler! Do not say anything. It's not necessary!!

You mean your cousins daughter.

Whatever. Up to that point he was a boy to me and everyone.

And now she is a girl and their daughter. Choosing to misgender her after you know is very disrespectful.

[Baconqueen13]

If it was a person that was never my friend, then yes, I totally see that as appropriate to not bring it up. But since this is a friend that I lost touch with when they moved away, I just feel like I want to say something short and sweet about it. But I don't know what to say exactly. I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

The appropriate response is to NOT bring attention to the fact the kid is trans at all. Congratulate them on graduating and use the graduate's preferred name. That's it.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

[Anonymous 7]

You mean your cousins daughter.

Whatever. Up to that point he was a boy to me and everyone.

And now she is a girl and their daughter. Choosing to misgender her after you know is very disrespectful.

He will always be a boy! You can call him anything he wants but he will always be male. Drugs, surgery and make up to the nines doesn't change anything.

[Anonymous 1]

I don’t think they think it is horrific or embarrassing and seems very supportive to be sending out photo cards with their new name. I just wasn’t sure if not mentioning anything at all seems unsupportive and brushing it under the rug as if there is nothing new. Just taking everyone’s opinions in and not sure what I will do/say.

quote=Baconqueen13 post_id=973659 time=1715293363 user_id=64]

If it was a person that was never my friend, then yes, I totally see that as appropriate to not bring it up. But since this is a friend that I lost touch with when they moved away, I just feel like I want to say something short and sweet about it. But I don't know what to say exactly. I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

The appropriate response is to NOT bring attention to the fact the kid is trans at all. Congratulate them on graduating and use the graduate's preferred name. That's it.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.
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[Olioxenfree]

If it was a person that was never my friend, then yes, I totally see that as appropriate to not bring it up. But since this is a friend that I lost touch with when they moved away, I just feel like I want to say something short and sweet about it. But I don't know what to say exactly. I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

The appropriate response is to NOT bring attention to the fact the kid is trans at all. Congratulate them on graduating and use the graduate's preferred name. That's it.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

My husband and I volunteer with a local school district running a support program for lbgtq teenagers and one of the many reasons the kids have given for their big fears about transitioning is that they didn’t want to be seen as trans and that’s what people see when they look at them, even if they look at them in a positive way. They just want to be recognized as the gender that they identify as. They don’t want the attention or “sweet touches.” Some feel differently, they are all individuals, but it shouldn’t be assumed. If they make a post about their journey and celebrating their pride in being trans, that’s where you can leave your sweet notes. But for their graduation, just let them be a graduating young woman, they know they are trans, they don’t need constant comments about it reminding them. Being a teenager is hard enough without another thing making you feel different.

[Olioxenfree]

You don’t know what they think. They aren’t stupid, they know that you know they were once male and now are female, it isn’t brushing anything under the rug. It’s their graduation, let them be seen as who they are instead of pointing out that you know who they used to be, even if you do it in a well meaning way. Being supportive is wishing them well and using their correct pronouns and name.

I don’t think they think it is horrific or embarrassing and seems very supportive to be sending out photo cards with their new name. I just wasn’t sure if not mentioning anything at all seems unsupportive and brushing it under the rug as if there is nothing new. Just taking everyone’s opinions in and not sure what I will do/say.

quote=Baconqueen13 post_id=973659 time=1715293363 user_id=64]

If it was a person that was never my friend, then yes, I totally see that as appropriate to not bring it up. But since this is a friend that I lost touch with when they moved away, I just feel like I want to say something short and sweet about it. But I don't know what to say exactly. I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

The appropriate response is to NOT bring attention to the fact the kid is trans at all. Congratulate them on graduating and use the graduate's preferred name. That's it.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

[/quote]

[Anonymous 1]

You must have missed that I want to text my friend. Not their child.

If it was a person that was never my friend, then yes, I totally see that as appropriate to not bring it up. But since this is a friend that I lost touch with when they moved away, I just feel like I want to say something short and sweet about it. But I don't know what to say exactly. I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

My husband and I volunteer with a local school district running a support program for lbgtq teenagers and one of the many reasons the kids have given for their big fears about transitioning is that they didn’t want to be seen as trans and that’s what people see when they look at them, even if they look at them in a positive way. They just want to be recognized as the gender that they identify as. They don’t want the attention or “sweet touches.” Some feel differently, they are all individuals, but it shouldn’t be assumed. If they make a post about their journey and celebrating their pride in being trans, that’s where you can leave your sweet notes. But for their graduation, just let them be a graduating young woman, they know they are trans, they don’t need constant comments about it reminding them. Being a teenager is hard enough without another thing making you feel different.

[Anonymous 1]

I am referring to my friend celebrating her child.

You don’t know what they think. They aren’t stupid, they know that you know they were once male and now are female, it isn’t brushing anything under the rug. It’s their graduation, let them be seen as who they are instead of pointing out that you know who they used to be, even if you do it in a well meaning way. Being supportive is wishing them well and using their correct pronouns and name.

I don’t think they think it is horrific or embarrassing and seems very supportive to be sending out photo cards with their new name. I just wasn’t sure if not mentioning anything at all seems unsupportive and brushing it under the rug as if there is nothing new. Just taking everyone’s opinions in and not sure what I will do/say.

quote=Baconqueen13 post_id=973659 time=1715293363 user_id=64]

If it was a person that was never my friend, then yes, I totally see that as appropriate to not bring it up. But since this is a friend that I lost touch with when they moved away, I just feel like I want to say something short and sweet about it. But I don't know what to say exactly. I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

[/quote]

[Olioxenfree]

You must have missed where you already said that to me and I said that it doesn’t matter. It’s a part of their families journey and they also aren’t stupid, they know their child is trans. They are trying to celebrate their child’s graduation, leave it at that if you want to be supportive. Don’t say something to them that you wouldn’t say to their child.

You must have missed that I want to text my friend. Not their child.

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

My husband and I volunteer with a local school district running a support program for lbgtq teenagers and one of the many reasons the kids have given for their big fears about transitioning is that they didn’t want to be seen as trans and that’s what people see when they look at them, even if they look at them in a positive way. They just want to be recognized as the gender that they identify as. They don’t want the attention or “sweet touches.” Some feel differently, they are all individuals, but it shouldn’t be assumed. If they make a post about their journey and celebrating their pride in being trans, that’s where you can leave your sweet notes. But for their graduation, just let them be a graduating young woman, they know they are trans, they don’t need constant comments about it reminding them. Being a teenager is hard enough without another thing making you feel different.