Would this upset you? Adults siblings leaving you out

[MonarchMom]

So, I have an update and I think Christmas just got a whole lot easier for my family.

I messaged in the group chat and jokingly said "Would have liked to see you guys. I guess maybe this summer if my family isn't too much for you all" and got the response from my sister of "you guys are a little too weird all at once". So then I called her...


Back story for context:

A year ago my third child came out as trans.
Last Spring my second child came out as gay and brought her girlfriend to family thanksgiving and Christmas.
In the summer my oldest child's partner came out as non-binary and began dressing very feminine and were at Thanksgiving and Christmas as their true self.
At Christmas my third told his cousins that he had a different name and used he/him pronouns and my sister seemed a little peeved that he told them himself instead of letting her do it (she was asked to do this before Thanksgiving and didn't and my son was upset and uncomfortable being deadnamed and misgendered and I took him home after an hour - her children are 17, 14 and 11 so they're not babies)
My oldest told me after the fact that she wouldn't be attending any more family gatherings because she, her partner and my second daughter and her girlfriend were ignored by everyone at Christmas and ended up hanging out in a corner by themselves. My youngest 2 hung out with their 17 year old cousin.

Apparently, according to our conversation, my children make my sisters uncomfortable and their children ask too many questions about them so they thought it would be easier if my family just wasn't invited. One thing that kept being reiterated was that it was unfair that I expected them to use the proper pronouns for people. "they/them" for my daughter's partner and "he/him" for my son because "it's hard" and she hopes I understand. I understand loud and clear.

Hi - so sorry to hear your sister has decided to put her need for things to not be "hard" above her connection to you and your kids. You sound like a great Mom.

I'm glad you are getting answers so you know what is going on. Sometimes it is easier to move on when we are able to see things clearly and take a step back. Your sister(s) can choose to prioritize avoiding reality over extended family ties, that is their choice. You can continue on your path of loving and supporting your own family at home.

[WellPreserved]

So, I have an update and I think Christmas just got a whole lot easier for my family.

I messaged in the group chat and jokingly said "Would have liked to see you guys. I guess maybe this summer if my family isn't too much for you all" and got the response from my sister of "you guys are a little too weird all at once". So then I called her...


Back story for context:

A year ago my third child came out as trans.
Last Spring my second child came out as gay and brought her girlfriend to family thanksgiving and Christmas.
In the summer my oldest child's partner came out as non-binary and began dressing very feminine and were at Thanksgiving and Christmas as their true self.
At Christmas my third told his cousins that he had a different name and used he/him pronouns and my sister seemed a little peeved that he told them himself instead of letting her do it (she was asked to do this before Thanksgiving and didn't and my son was upset and uncomfortable being deadnamed and misgendered and I took him home after an hour - her children are 17, 14 and 11 so they're not babies)
My oldest told me after the fact that she wouldn't be attending any more family gatherings because she, her partner and my second daughter and her girlfriend were ignored by everyone at Christmas and ended up hanging out in a corner by themselves. My youngest 2 hung out with their 17 year old cousin.

Apparently, according to our conversation, my children make my sisters uncomfortable and their children ask too many questions about them so they thought it would be easier if my family just wasn't invited. One thing that kept being reiterated was that it was unfair that I expected them to use the proper pronouns for people. "they/them" for my daughter's partner and "he/him" for my son because "it's hard" and she hopes I understand. I understand loud and clear.

I am so sorry. We assume that family is going to be the most supportive, especially of the younger generation, and it beyond hurts when they’re not. All you can do is hug your kids close and create another set of "Aunties", "Uncles", and "Cousins" with whom to share time and celebrations with.

Just to add, pronouns are stupid easy unless you wish to make them hard and the only reason to make them hard is to cause distress for the individual you are addressing.

[SallyMae]

So, I have an update and I think Christmas just got a whole lot easier for my family.

I messaged in the group chat and jokingly said "Would have liked to see you guys. I guess maybe this summer if my family isn't too much for you all" and got the response from my sister of "you guys are a little too weird all at once". So then I called her...


Back story for context:

A year ago my third child came out as trans.
Last Spring my second child came out as gay and brought her girlfriend to family thanksgiving and Christmas.
In the summer my oldest child's partner came out as non-binary and began dressing very feminine and were at Thanksgiving and Christmas as their true self.
At Christmas my third told his cousins that he had a different name and used he/him pronouns and my sister seemed a little peeved that he told them himself instead of letting her do it (she was asked to do this before Thanksgiving and didn't and my son was upset and uncomfortable being deadnamed and misgendered and I took him home after an hour - her children are 17, 14 and 11 so they're not babies)
My oldest told me after the fact that she wouldn't be attending any more family gatherings because she, her partner and my second daughter and her girlfriend were ignored by everyone at Christmas and ended up hanging out in a corner by themselves. My youngest 2 hung out with their 17 year old cousin.

Apparently, according to our conversation, my children make my sisters uncomfortable and their children ask too many questions about them so they thought it would be easier if my family just wasn't invited. One thing that kept being reiterated was that it was unfair that I expected them to use the proper pronouns for people. "they/them" for my daughter's partner and "he/him" for my son because "it's hard" and she hopes I understand. I understand loud and clear.

OMG, that must have been so hard to hear. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

[AZOldGal66]

I get it and can completely relate.

I'm sincerely sorry.

[Olioxenfree]

So, I have an update and I think Christmas just got a whole lot easier for my family.

I messaged in the group chat and jokingly said "Would have liked to see you guys. I guess maybe this summer if my family isn't too much for you all" and got the response from my sister of "you guys are a little too weird all at once". So then I called her...


Back story for context:

A year ago my third child came out as trans.
Last Spring my second child came out as gay and brought her girlfriend to family thanksgiving and Christmas.
In the summer my oldest child's partner came out as non-binary and began dressing very feminine and were at Thanksgiving and Christmas as their true self.
At Christmas my third told his cousins that he had a different name and used he/him pronouns and my sister seemed a little peeved that he told them himself instead of letting her do it (she was asked to do this before Thanksgiving and didn't and my son was upset and uncomfortable being deadnamed and misgendered and I took him home after an hour - her children are 17, 14 and 11 so they're not babies)
My oldest told me after the fact that she wouldn't be attending any more family gatherings because she, her partner and my second daughter and her girlfriend were ignored by everyone at Christmas and ended up hanging out in a corner by themselves. My youngest 2 hung out with their 17 year old cousin.

Apparently, according to our conversation, my children make my sisters uncomfortable and their children ask too many questions about them so they thought it would be easier if my family just wasn't invited. One thing that kept being reiterated was that it was unfair that I expected them to use the proper pronouns for people. "they/them" for my daughter's partner and "he/him" for my son because "it's hard" and she hopes I understand. I understand loud and clear.

Society teaches you that your family are supposed to be the people who are there for you the most so it’s very hard when that family doesn’t work out how you want it to. We have been in a painful situation with my husbands family and it isn’t an easy thing to face. But you can’t control others, you can only control your own future. The rates of mental health due to negative influences is so high among the trans and queer communities that I do really think it’s important to surround your children with positive influences.

It’s your choice what level of closeness you want to have with them, people can grow and change, but right now it might be in your best interest to accept that they are who they are and find a circle to spend holidays with who are people who are healthy for you and your family. They’re growing up in a society where they are having to fight to play sports as their gender, go to the bathroom as their gender, go on a date as their gender, they shouldn’t have to fight to go to a family holiday as their gender.

[Vegaswife2011]

Family can really suck sometimes. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, you shouldn’t have to. Good on you supporting your kids, that’s the most important part. Hugs to you and I hope things work out for you.

[EarlGrayHot]

Sorry about this. It IS crystal clear-they are bigots. Ignore them and have a get together for your family and friends who are not.

[PoplarGrove]

So, I have an update and I think Christmas just got a whole lot easier for my family.

I messaged in the group chat and jokingly said "Would have liked to see you guys. I guess maybe this summer if my family isn't too much for you all" and got the response from my sister of "you guys are a little too weird all at once". So then I called her...


Back story for context:

A year ago my third child came out as trans.
Last Spring my second child came out as gay and brought her girlfriend to family thanksgiving and Christmas.
In the summer my oldest child's partner came out as non-binary and began dressing very feminine and were at Thanksgiving and Christmas as their true self.
At Christmas my third told his cousins that he had a different name and used he/him pronouns and my sister seemed a little peeved that he told them himself instead of letting her do it (she was asked to do this before Thanksgiving and didn't and my son was upset and uncomfortable being deadnamed and misgendered and I took him home after an hour - her children are 17, 14 and 11 so they're not babies)
My oldest told me after the fact that she wouldn't be attending any more family gatherings because she, her partner and my second daughter and her girlfriend were ignored by everyone at Christmas and ended up hanging out in a corner by themselves. My youngest 2 hung out with their 17 year old cousin.

Apparently, according to our conversation, my children make my sisters uncomfortable and their children ask too many questions about them so they thought it would be easier if my family just wasn't invited. One thing that kept being reiterated was that it was unfair that I expected them to use the proper pronouns for people. "they/them" for my daughter's partner and "he/him" for my son because "it's hard" and she hopes I understand. I understand loud and clear.

Society teaches you that your family are supposed to be the people who are there for you the most so it’s very hard when that family doesn’t work out how you want it to. We have been in a painful situation with my husbands family and it isn’t an easy thing to face. But you can’t control others, you can only control your own future. The rates of mental health due to negative influences is so high among the trans and queer communities that I do really think it’s important to surround your children with positive influences.

It’s your choice what level of closeness you want to have with them, people can grow and change, but right now it might be in your best interest to accept that they are who they are and find a circle to spend holidays with who are people who are healthy for you and your family. They’re growing up in a society where they are having to fight to play sports as their gender, go to the bathroom as their gender, go on a date as their gender, they shouldn’t have to fight to go to a family holiday as their gender.

Thank you. I've been rather upset the last few days and your words helped.

After talking to my oldest I've decided to not cut my sister out completely but only my children who want to attend family events will be going. My oldest pointed out that my 17 year old niece will probably need her queer cousins in a year or two and she needs to know they're there for her. My children could be wrong and she's a straight cisgendered female but they'd like to err on the side of caution.