Mega-pastor marital advice

[MonarchMom]

Hard to believe this is 2024 and people still promote this type of stereotyped roles for men and women. Not to mention the harm this type of advice could cause by denying the role of mutual communication, consideration and patience while forming a marital physical relationship.

This is the wedding night advice offered to brides by Josh Howerton, a senior pastor at Lakepointe Church in Dallas, Texas. Lakepointe, according to the Dallas Morning News, is one of the biggest megachurches in Texas, with over 13,000 people a week attending its main location.

Claiming that the bride has "been planning this day her whole life," and so the groom should indulge her: "Stand where she tells you to stand, wear what she tells you to wear, and do what she tells you to do. You'll make her the happiest woman in the world."

Then he hits folks with this counterpoint: In exchange, the bride should take a submissive role in what he pointedly calls "his wedding night," to "make him the happiest man in the world."

"Stand where he tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear, and do what he tells you to do."

https://www.yahoo.com/news/stand-where- ... 06933.html

[WellPreserved]

Hard to believe this is 2024 and people still promote this type of stereotyped roles for men and women. Not to mention the harm this type of advice could cause by denying the role of mutual communication, consideration and patience while forming a marital physical relationship.

This is the wedding night advice offered to brides by Josh Howerton, a senior pastor at Lakepointe Church in Dallas, Texas. Lakepointe, according to the Dallas Morning News, is one of the biggest megachurches in Texas, with over 13,000 people a week attending its main location.

Claiming that the bride has "been planning this day her whole life," and so the groom should indulge her: "Stand where she tells you to stand, wear what she tells you to wear, and do what she tells you to do. You'll make her the happiest woman in the world."

Then he hits folks with this counterpoint: In exchange, the bride should take a submissive role in what he pointedly calls "his wedding night," to "make him the happiest man in the world."

"Stand where he tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear, and do what he tells you to do."

https://www.yahoo.com/news/stand-where- ... 06933.html

There are a lot of Christians who believe that women are subordinate to men and that a woman's value is in birthing children and serving God and her husband. A lot of purity culture is about a woman's virginity being a gift meant for her husband.

It not just fundamentalist Christians, it's fundamentalists in general. I agree, hard to believe in 2024 and probably contributes to the younger generation leaving organized religion.

[highlandmum]

Oh just go car shopping and you will find them easily. Went to one this weekend and the sales person never looked at me once. When my DH told the guy that it was going to be my car and I would be making the decision this guy looked at me and just said "So, what colour are you looking at for the car?" I just shook my head and walked away. My DH just responded to the guy with "you just blew it", then walked away. Thing is we know the owner of the dealership and this guy could have been looking at a sale of two cars. So now he is looking at no sale and I am going to be talking to the owner today, that is a female as well.

These guys that think a women is subordinate to men are out there, and they are everywhere.

[SouthernIslander]

In general, some people prefer more traditional roles in their marriage and that is their right.

[mommy_jules]

Josh Howerton is just the tip of the iceberg and believe or not there are way worse out there. And they have been influencing the white evangelical subculture for generations. If you listen to Shelia Gregoire’s (the lady quoted in the article) Bare Marriage podcast, you’ll hear a lot about the horrible S*x/marriage advice out there in these spaces. It’s terrible, and many are trying to unlearn these things…popular term for it is deconstruction.

ETA: The “traditional” roles in this world had taken somewhat of a backseat in the last decade or so, but since Trump has seemed to make a comeback with vengeance. The SBC’s decision to disfellowship Rick Warren’s church is an example of this.

[Slimshandy]

So they live out marriage the way they see fit,
And everyone else can live out marriage the way they like…


I don’t see why we should feel as though we should change someone else’s view of what married life should be like.

[mommy_jules]

https://baptistnews.com/article/pastors ... ng-on-S*x/

Entitled pastoral authority creates submission dynamics that turn men into helpless creatures who are victimized by women who won’t submit their bodies to them.

“They have been taught that ‘my only legitimate method of sexual release is my wife,’” Gregoire explains. “‘She is the one that God gave me to give me sexual release.’ And this is what Emmerson Eggerichs actually says. Mark Driscoll called women ‘penis homes.’ This is quite widely taught in evangelical circles. So you’ve got these guys who think, ‘God has given me a way to get sexual release through my wife that is legitimate. Every other way to get sexual release is not proper in the Christian context.’”

Then the blame shifts to women. “And so when she isn’t giving me sexual release, she is depriving me, she is hurting me,” Gregoire describes. “Even if I am pressuring her, I’m not the one sinning because God gave her to me for that. And so she becomes the one who is actively hurting him and he becomes the victim.”

[Della]

My ex husband was raised Southern Baptist. He use to quote the Bible to me, "wives be submissive to your husbands". He ALWAYS left out the rest.

[mommy_jules]

My ex husband was raised Southern Baptist. He use to quote the Bible to me, "wives be submissive to your husbands". He ALWAYS left out the rest.

Yeah, that’s a common refrain. One of my good friends’ husband used that as justification for him cheating on her. There’s tons of Christian marriage and S*x advice books that promote this idea. It’s terrible, and many are dealing with the ramifications and harm from decades of terrible “biblical” teachings. I’m sorry you had to deal with it as well.

[WellPreserved]

In general, some people prefer more traditional roles in their marriage and that is their right.

I agree and in my marriage that was a choice I made. I do find it cringy though when traditional role is described as a subservient and submissive and when women are not given a choice (at least not Biblically) if that makes sense. IMO, women from birth should not be told that their purpose is to be a helper to their future husband and to be submissive to him. If they choose to be in a traditional marriage, super but I think that being the expectation makes girls and women vulnerable to abuse and we've certainly seen evidence of this abuse within the more fundamental denominations.