Do you have a go-bag?

[LiveWhatULove]

So I was reading a AITAH post on Reddit and a hubby who is leaving his wife because he found her go-bag (a bag packed in case you need to emergently leave, usually in cases of abuse). He felt as though that this was a sign she had no trust in him.

This blows my mind — that any man would care that much? Or not understand?

I am raising my kids, especially my daughter, to have these types of preparations, especially financial independence and I have a go-bag, the only thing I am missing, is cash, but I have one account in my name only, that would be challenging for him to access.

Do you have a go-bag?

Would your husband be upset if he found your go-bag?

Do you teach your kids to have one?

Do your kids know about your to-go bag? Does your husband?

Nothing wrong with having it and every family member should but every family member should also know about the others. I think having it is okay. Keeping it secret would be an issue in a marriage.

My husband, to my knowledge, does not know about my go bag. But I think after 27 years, he’d just sigh and shake his head a bit, lol. I cannot imagine it causing a big issue.

[LiveWhatULove]

Never heard of such a thing.

You guys, as parents, likely always be available, but still — think about it for your daughter as she approaches the age of moving out and starting her life. There is so much violence against women and mental health issues including struggles with emotional control at an all-time high. Perceived stable relationships can turn violative quickly and her being able to leave quickly because all your necessary resources are gathered in a bag, would make me feel so much better as a parent. And you know, if she never needs it, GREAT!! But there’s downside to being over prepared.

[LiveWhatULove]

Honest question.

Are you okay?

What do you mean? Like am I safe? Yes, I feel safe and even more safe with a go-bag.

[Anonymous 1]

So I was reading a AITAH post on Reddit and a hubby who is leaving his wife because he found her go-bag (a bag packed in case you need to emergently leave, usually in cases of abuse). He felt as though that this was a sign she had no trust in him.

This blows my mind — that any man would care that much? Or not understand?

I am raising my kids, especially my daughter, to have these types of preparations, especially financial independence and I have a go-bag, the only thing I am missing, is cash, but I have one account in my name only, that would be challenging for him to access.

Do you have a go-bag?

Would your husband be upset if he found your go-bag?

Do you teach your kids to have one?

Do your kids know about your to-go bag? Does your husband?

Nothing wrong with having it and every family member should but every family member should also know about the others. I think having it is okay. Keeping it secret would be an issue in a marriage.

My husband, to my knowledge, does not know about my go bag. But I think after 27 years, he’d just sigh and shake his head a bit, lol. I cannot imagine it causing a big issue.

My husband now would think I had lost my mind as my go bag would be huge, between all the face, and hair routine products I have. Plus I would be packing and unpacking it every week as there would probably be something I wanted to wear. Would he be hurt if I had one and he found out, maybe I really do not know.

But my ex was abusive and if he found it he would have lost his mind. He would have destroyed it and left it somewhere for me to know he found it. As I said it would not have been pretty.

Now a man being hurt and upset, is completely different from one that loses his mind over it. A man has a right to be upset, he has a right to be hurt, and he has a right to have feeling of mistrust in a situation like this.

[MrsDavidB]

I asked my husband what he would think if I had a go bag. He was taken aback. He said he would understand if I had one a year or 2 into the marriage but the fact that I still didn't trust him not to hurt me after all this time would make him feel like shit. I actually did not expect him to care at all in this hypethetical situation but he really did.

[Anonymous 4]

Honest question.

Are you okay?

What do you mean? Like am I safe? Yes, I feel safe and even more safe with a go-bag.

The reason I ask is it's totally up to you whether or not you have a to go bag in case of a domestic abuse and it's up to you whether or not you tell your husband. Speaking to your kids about the importance of being protected is also important. You chose, however, to speak to them without having their father present or even telling their father about your bag. I think this sets kids, especially teens, to automatically feel as if you are to be more trusted than their father and tells them that you don't completely trust their father. You are smart enough to know this so I assumed it was purposeful. As a victim of abuse, I know that there is a tendency to try to get children on as allies so wondered if you felt the need to do that.

Do you or did you have to go bags for your children? If so, did you tell them? If you didn't have bags for them, why not and did you tell them?

[Heyteacher]

No. We will be married 26 years in July. I have never felt the need to have a go bag. However, having grown up in a less than stable household I can see why some would feel the need to do so.

[Vegaswife2011]

No I have never heard of of this.

[Traci_Momof2]

When I read "go-bag" I was thinking natural disaster or house fire or something along those lines.

But a bag to instantly leave my husband? Honestly that thought has never crossed my mind. If for some reason I wanted to leave my husband suddenly I'd just tell him I'm leaving and I'd pack a bag and go. I don't need one prepared to go in an instant.

If others have been through some type of abuse or trauma in the past that would cause them to want such a security feature then I think that's fine, and I hope the spouse of a person like that would understand their past and understand why they have it.

But if I had one, yeah, I'm pretty sure my DH would be hurt by it and I wouldn't blame him.

[EarlGrayHot]

I have never heard that a "go-bag" is intended for getting away from an abusive partner. I've always heard that it's a way to have basic necessities, some food and water, and important papers for you and your pets in case of an emergency (like a hurricane) if you must evacuate. It's smart to think ahead in the event of a natural disaster.