If someone said to you

[Anonymous 1]

If someone said to you that they "neither believe or disbelieve" you when you told them about trauma caused by a family member is that the same as them saying they don't believe you?

I feel like it is. Because if they admitted that what I said was true, then they'd have to admit that they are A-OK with having a relationship with someone who mentally, physically and sexually abused me. It feels like they don't want to admit that what I'm saying is true so they can continue to have their rose colored glasses on.

I've decided to cut out everyone who said that to me. Ever since I cut the abuser off, I don't get invited to family functions. Because they all invite her instead. And they say they can't invite us both because they know she'll start stuff with me and ruin their party. So they invite her and even with some of the abuse they acknowledge, they make excuses and say "that's just how she is" while saying they believe that part but "neither believe or disbelieve" the other parts.

Is it wrong for to expect them to choose me? To believe me? They also say she wasn't abusive to them so that's also why they can't acknowledge that what I say is the truth.

[Anonymous 2]

If someone said to you that they "neither believe or disbelieve" you when you told them about trauma caused by a family member is that the same as them saying they don't believe you?

Is it wrong for to expect them to choose me? To believe me?

I don't think it is the same.

"I believe you" = you are right
"I don't believe you" = you are wrong
"I neither believe you nor disbelieve you" = I don't yet know if you are right or wrong, but I'm open to the possibility that you're right - I'm not dismissing what you're saying - I'm thinking/investigating, but it is too early to judge based on the evidence I have so far.

[mommy_jules]

It would depend on what they did/said next, I think. I can understand initially saying that when you do not have all the facts or sides of a story to form an opinion, but in what you described it sounds like a cop out.

[Anonymous 1]

If someone said to you that they "neither believe or disbelieve" you when you told them about trauma caused by a family member is that the same as them saying they don't believe you?

Is it wrong for to expect them to choose me? To believe me?

I don't think it is the same.

"I believe you" = you are right
"I don't believe you" = you are wrong
"I neither believe you nor disbelieve you" = I don't yet know if you are right or wrong, but I'm open to the possibility that you're right - I'm not dismissing what you're saying - I'm thinking/investigating, but it is too early to judge based on the evidence I have so far.

They aren't willing to investigate and uncover the truth. They don't want to be involved.

[Anonymous 3]

What kind of abuse? Verbal, physical...?

[Anonymous 1]

What kind of abuse? Verbal, physical...?

Verbal, physical, sexual. I did not know that what they did was sexual abuse until I became an adult.

[MonarchMom]

On a certain level it doesn't really matter what they say, or think, or what motives they have. Their actions matter. They choose to continue to associate with this person after hearing your account.

If this was my situation, I would not want to socialize with anyone who choose to stay attached to someone who abused me. Their rationale would not matter to me.

[Olioxenfree]

I don’t think it’s necessarily the same, I think it’s more of they don’t have all the information and aren’t involved in it so they can’t really take a side. And you have every right to decide if you are comfortable with that or not and if you want to continue to be around them.

[Anonymous 4]

If someone said to you that they "neither believe or disbelieve" you when you told them about trauma caused by a family member is that the same as them saying they don't believe you?

I feel like it is. Because if they admitted that what I said was true, then they'd have to admit that they are A-OK with having a relationship with someone who mentally, physically and sexually abused me. It feels like they don't want to admit that what I'm saying is true so they can continue to have their rose colored glasses on.

I've decided to cut out everyone who said that to me. Ever since I cut the abuser off, I don't get invited to family functions. Because they all invite her instead. And they say they can't invite us both because they know she'll start stuff with me and ruin their party. So they invite her and even with some of the abuse they acknowledge, they make excuses and say "that's just how she is" while saying they believe that part but "neither believe or disbelieve" the other parts.

Is it wrong for to expect them to choose me? To believe me? They also say she wasn't abusive to them so that's also why they can't acknowledge that what I say is the truth.

It sounds like they don't have enough information to make a decision one way or the other.

[Anonymous 1]

If someone said to you that they "neither believe or disbelieve" you when you told them about trauma caused by a family member is that the same as them saying they don't believe you?

I feel like it is. Because if they admitted that what I said was true, then they'd have to admit that they are A-OK with having a relationship with someone who mentally, physically and sexually abused me. It feels like they don't want to admit that what I'm saying is true so they can continue to have their rose colored glasses on.

I've decided to cut out everyone who said that to me. Ever since I cut the abuser off, I don't get invited to family functions. Because they all invite her instead. And they say they can't invite us both because they know she'll start stuff with me and ruin their party. So they invite her and even with some of the abuse they acknowledge, they make excuses and say "that's just how she is" while saying they believe that part but "neither believe or disbelieve" the other parts.

Is it wrong for to expect them to choose me? To believe me? They also say she wasn't abusive to them so that's also why they can't acknowledge that what I say is the truth.

It sounds like they don't have enough information to make a decision one way or the other.

They did witness a lot of the abuse. But they say "that's just how she is" about it.