Trigger warning...Paternity unknown...

Anonymous 1

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About 20 years ago, a friend of mine was brutally raped, beaten, and left for dead. The guy was caught...the son of one of the neighbors. Several weeks later she found out she was pregnant. She and her husband never did any testing. He didn't want to know if the child was not biologically his.

Now the boy is 19 and wants to do one of those DNA test things to see his ancestry. His parents never told him about the rape or the possibility that his father is not his biological father. They didn't think there would ever be a reason for telling him.

Now, they feel they need to tell him but are struggling with it. It has brought up so many harsh memories for my friend.

I wish I knew how to help her or what advice to give her. Right now, I just listen and be there for her. I know its all I can do. But damn. It's such a tough thing. This is one time where technology is not friendly.
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MonarchMom
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Tell him the truth - that there is an unknown factor on his genetic background, but no question about his parent's role as his father. He has a right to know his ancestry if he is interested.
Anonymous 2

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I wouldn’t tell the kid.
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 2 wrote:
Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:18 am
I wouldn’t tell the kid.
Better that he finds out on his own?
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carterscutie85
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They are just going to have to tell him. It will be worse if he finds out in his own. I would personally tell him the whole truth, I wouldn't just say there's a chance he isn't your bio Dad and leave it at that.
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Frau Holle
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Tell him after.

If the true dad is the Dna line then he will still never need to know.
“ I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night “ - Sarah Williams
Anonymous 3

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Well, ideally they should have found out a long time ago, strictly for medical reasons. But I can see why they might not want to, and that ship has sailed.

How self-sufficient is he? Perhaps his parents could take control over the test (maybe buy one for his dad as well, if his family isn't close or he wouldn't necessarily recognise matches his side) and only tell their son the truth if it's necessary?

Alternatively, they could address the issue preemptively, just in case. I think if they told him that they never tested or mentioned it because DNA doesn't matter to them, he might be more understanding. Some initial shock and upset is to be expected though.
Anonymous 2

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Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:22 am
Anonymous 2 wrote:
Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:18 am
I wouldn’t tell the kid.
Better that he finds out on his own?
Let me refine my response. I wouldn’t ever tell him he may be the result of a brutal rape against his mother. It is simply not information that he needs to know.
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MistressMonster
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Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:10 am
About 20 years ago, a friend of mine was brutally raped, beaten, and left for dead. The guy was caught...the son of one of the neighbors. Several weeks later she found out she was pregnant. She and her husband never did any testing. He didn't want to know if the child was not biologically his.

Now the boy is 19 and wants to do one of those DNA test things to see his ancestry. His parents never told him about the rape or the possibility that his father is not his biological father. They didn't think there would ever be a reason for telling him.

Now, they feel they need to tell him but are struggling with it. It has brought up so many harsh memories for my friend.

I wish I knew how to help her or what advice to give her. Right now, I just listen and be there for her. I know its all I can do. But damn. It's such a tough thing. This is one time where technology is not friendly.
They will have to tell him there is a question mark in his DNA.
The oranges of the island are like blazing fire
Amongst the emerald boughs
And the lemons are like the paleness of a lover
Who has spent the night crying.


My soul was ripped to shreds on 10/27/14
Anonymous 4

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Could you have yours, his and your husband's done first? Kind of secretly if necessary.
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