Anonymous 5 wrote: ↑Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:41 pm
Momto2boys973 wrote: ↑Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:08 pm
If something like this can’t be the trigger for you to get together, get some closure and maybe try for a happier and healthier family dynamic, I don’t know what can. And it would be a shame for any of you to throw away an opportunity that’s being presented in the form of a crisis.
Sometimes that is never going to happen. There is not one word my father could have said that would give us a happier and healthier family dynamic. I did not go back when I heard he was dying of cancer. I did not go back when he died. I did not go back for the funeral. I got my closure by moving 3000 miles away and never looking back. I repeatedly told my sister that if she chose to forgive him that was her right, and I would respect it. It was my right not to.
Some things can not be fixed. It was better for me and my life to walk away and not look back. I am happy and at peace.
OP if you can make peace with everything and it is important to YOU then go see him. If you are at peace with your life and feel happy and safe without him don't go back. Make whatever decision brings you peace
Thank you for this.
I tried a number of times to reconcile with my father. We invited him to our wedding, but he didn't show up. When asked why, he said we can all go F*$ck ourselves.
When I was pregnant with my son he showed up and apologized for what he had done- everything he had done. We allowed him back in our lives, and that lasted a number of years- mostly because it was long distance, and only consisted of calls here and there. He would ask for pictures of the kids all the time. It turned out he was using those pictures to create an online persona which he was using to catfish women online.
Five years ago he was down and out, so we moved him in with us. He relapsed into a drunken frenzy which resulted in him coming after me and ending up in jail. He of course blamed me. His last email was a scathing letter of hate aimed at me. He said not to reply unless I was writing to beg for his forgiveness. Needless to say, I never wrote back.
Going to him now won't change anything. I'm realizing that more each day. I'm just emotional- sad, hurt, angry and bewildered.