Super shy daughter

[Anonymous 1]

My dd13 is very introverted. When she's not at school she works a lot, plays a lot of video games, and really struggles to find time to do much else. She doesn't really have many friends outside of her internet gaming friends, and I think she's kind of lonely - but I don't know how to get her involved.
Any advice? She hates sports and pretty much any physical activity with a passion, and she's so shy she doesn't usually enjoy the clubs and societies she's tried in the past, so I'm not sure how to actually get her up and outside.

She just seems to be living a really unhealthy life at the moment. She stays indoors almost all day, she's getting noticeably overweight, and though she often seems quite upbeat and cheerful I think it's getting to her.

[CandTmom]

I've never made my children have to be social. Being overweight and playing excessive video games wouldn't be ok with me though. I'd be putting a time limit and not be bringing any unhealthy food into the house.

[Anonymous 2]

As long as she has one real life friend that she can talk with, laugh with, and share her troubles with, I wouldn't worry about how many friends she has. Does she ever do anything with those or that friend?

You mentioned that she's often upbeat and cheerful but that you think it's getting to her. Define "it." And in what way is she showing you that it's getting to her? How do you know she's lonely? I only ask this because even though she's often alone, that doesn't mean that she's necessarily lonely.

My dd13 is very introverted. When she's not at school she works a lot, plays a lot of video games, and really struggles to find time to do much else. She doesn't really have many friends outside of her internet gaming friends, and I think she's kind of lonely - but I don't know how to get her involved.
Any advice? She hates sports and pretty much any physical activity with a passion, and she's so shy she doesn't usually enjoy the clubs and societies she's tried in the past, so I'm not sure how to actually get her up and outside.

She just seems to be living a really unhealthy life at the moment. She stays indoors almost all day, she's getting noticeably overweight, and though she often seems quite upbeat and cheerful I think it's getting to her.

[LiveWhatULove]

I am sorry you are worried about your DD.

Here is what we do in our household for our kids, it may or may not be helpful for you:

This sounds really corny, but...when we eat dinner as a family and have family events, we practice a lot of social skills, listening, talking. It started to help my high needs guy, but all 3 of my children show benefit. We do hypothetical scenarios or talk about actual peer situations. We listen to psychology book excerpts. So ultimately, my goal is that they have the skills to make friends if they choose to do so...I know teens hate this, but I do not let that bother me, as I really think it helps.

Every child in our house MUST choose at least one activity, and we actually encourage biking or running, swimming, as it can be a life long individual activity to create a forever healthy habit. We stress that physical activity (not necessarily a sport) is essential in being mentally and physically healthy for life. I participate with my children, also if need be, to assure they are getting exercise.

We also repeatedly tell our children, that high school is not that end all, be all of life, college is awesome, and that is where majority of young adults find their tribe!

And then I still continue to let my gamer play his games. But we plan on keeping them off social media, until they are quite a bit older.

I hope your DD is OK!

[mojogirl]

Set time limits on the gaming.

[KaiandKadensMama]

My 13 yo is extremely introvert as well. She loves her games, but she plays online with friends from school. She has her select little group of friends. She’ll never join a sport or club. I never did either. She prefers to keep to herself more often than not, but that’s who she is. We take many family outings though, and she is close with her cousins. I limit game time at home too. Her and her brother do a lot together as well. On occasion I’ll encourage DD to invite one of her friends over. She has a good time. She’s not into that often though, so I do not push it.

[Anonymous 2]

All of this.

I am sorry you are worried about your DD.

Here is what we do in our household for our kids, it may or may not be helpful for you:

This sounds really corny, but...when we eat dinner as a family and have family events, we practice a lot of social skills, listening, talking. It started to help my high needs guy, but all 3 of my children show benefit. We do hypothetical scenarios or talk about actual peer situations. We listen to psychology book excerpts. So ultimately, my goal is that they have the skills to make friends if they choose to do so...I know teens hate this, but I do not let that bother me, as I really think it helps.

Every child in our house MUST choose at least one activity, and we actually encourage biking or running, swimming, as it can be a life long individual activity to create a forever healthy habit. We stress that physical activity (not necessarily a sport) is essential in being mentally and physically healthy for life. I participate with my children, also if need be, to assure they are getting exercise.

We also repeatedly tell our children, that high school is not that end all, be all of life, college is awesome, and that is where majority of young adults find their tribe!

And then I still continue to let my gamer play his games. But we plan on keeping them off social media, until they are quite a bit older.

I hope your DD is OK!

[Anonymous 3]

I'd tell her she needs to pick something to get involved in even if it is outside of school even if it is just something like music lessons or learning a craft with her and an instructor. From there you can explore ways she can connect with others who share that same interest. I would also stop bringing unhealthy foods into the home and join a gym together. Getting her involved in a class at a gym could be another non threatening way of helping her to feel more comfortable around others.