And? What does that have to do with you sticking your nose in his families business? Giving someone money dosent entitle you to meddle in his business. Clearly you haven't figured it out yet. You are the problem mind your business and you won't have drama. You are creating the drama.Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:24 pmI’m not my older brother’s biggest fan, but when he was unemployed for 4 years I sent him $1500 every holiday to buy presents for his kids.Anonymous 8 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:05 pmAre you his mommy? It's none of your business why they don't want to go or what they tell her. They are adults and can choose not to attend any event they want. Again mind your business and stop creating drama.
My older brother is a jerk and his wife is a shrew....
- madfoodie
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Im so sorry. Seeing our elderly relatives before they die is so important. I just lost my grandma this spring and I'd love be able to see her again.Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:23 pmThey live 90 minutes driving distance from my 94 year old grandmother and were supposed to spend Thanksgiving with her and my family. They haven’t seen her since the last time we were there, and she lost one of her children (my mother) in May. They made other plans.
We live 3 1/2 hours from her by plane. We visited in July, we are going for Thanksgiving, and we might actually return for a few days in January. It’s expensive, a pain in the ass, etc etc to do it, but she still lives independently (she’s in a 55+ community, but in independent living housing). My older brother has some lame excuse for why she is toxic, but she didn’t actually speak to me from 12-24 and I can get past it. She’s not actually toxic, but she was certainly the queen of backhanded compliments until she was 80/85. She treated my older brother like a king until he moved thousands of miles away without telling her years ago. He was then offended when she returned the Christmas gifts he sent that year to “sender” without opening them.
They are coming to see her on a different day when my family is there, so it genuinely is them and not her. And my SIL lied directly to me saying that they were hosting at their house and my grandmother was certainly welcome (but she didn’t think my grandmother would be up for it). My brother unintentionally busted her because I asked him to call and invite grandma directly.
So yeah, jerk and shrew.
This sounds like a hot mess. I don't think I'd deal with them.
i want candy!
- agander2017
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Perhaps he's angry on your behalf. Idk of course but he's certainly capable of saying no. I wouldn't worry unnecessarily about his behavior because you can't control it. Just do you.Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:28 pmSeriously? She treated me like crap, not him. And whatever happened in the past, she’s 94 years old. She’s going to die sooner rather than later.Anonymous 5 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:45 pm It looks like grandma made her bed and can lie in it. Your brother is under no obligation to go out of his way for someone who treated him like crap.
My 70 year old mother called her EVERY DAY until my mother died. She’s hurting. My brother is an ass hole.
Same here.
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 5:44 pm My brother is a jerk too. I don't see him very often because of it.
- Valentina327
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Sometimes it's preferable in family situations, when you know damned well someone is going to bitch about something. It keeps the peace.Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:48 pmSo lying is just fine?Anonymous 7 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:22 pmThe only jerk and shrew in this situation is you. Why in the hell are you trying to manage other adult's relationship? Also, how rude can you be to manipulate someone to invite people to their home when it's obvious they didn't want too.Anonymous 1 wrote: ↑Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:23 pm
They live 90 minutes driving distance from my 94 year old grandmother and were supposed to spend Thanksgiving with her and my family. They haven’t seen her since the last time we were there, and she lost one of her children (my mother) in May. They made other plans.
We live 3 1/2 hours from her by plane. We visited in July, we are going for Thanksgiving, and we might actually return for a few days in January. It’s expensive, a pain in the ass, etc etc to do it, but she still lives independently (she’s in a 55+ community, but in independent living housing). My older brother has some lame excuse for why she is toxic, but she didn’t actually speak to me from 12-24 and I can get past it. She’s not actually toxic, but she was certainly the queen of backhanded compliments until she was 80/85. She treated my older brother like a king until he moved thousands of miles away without telling her years ago. He was then offended when she returned the Christmas gifts he sent that year to “sender” without opening them.
They are coming to see her on a different day when my family is there, so it genuinely is them and not her. And my SIL lied directly to me saying that they were hosting at their house and my grandmother was certainly welcome (but she didn’t think my grandmother would be up for it). My brother unintentionally busted her because I asked him to call and invite grandma directly.
So yeah, jerk and shrew.
Just because you're willing to be a doormat and forgive her clearly toxic behavior doesn't mean your brother has to, and since you didn't have contact for years you really have no idea what their dynamic has been. She played a petty game and now she's paying for it.