I know it's my fault for being a "hoe" - but how do I solve this problem?

Anonymous 1

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:21 am

About 6 months ago - I hit a low point, was having depressive episodes, a lot of anxiety/panic attacks and my long term boyfriend had walked out on me. A (engaged) coworker started showing interest in me, and I shut it down strictly at first, until he told me that was how he joked with everyone and his fiance confirmed it. Of course - the flirting became sexual; maybe a day after I left for another department and I went with it. I just did not give a shit anymore and just wanted to feel something. No excuse - I know. BUT; we never physically touched each other. Of course - his fiance (Bree) found out, chewed him out, called me a hoe, and told him to never do it again or she was leaving. She also told him that he could stay friends with me on Facebook only IF she could read the conversations whenever she wanted. It happened once more after that - he deleted all the messages and then that was it. I sinked further enough to isolate myself from everyone - so didn't reach out to him again.

Recently at work, I've been asked to go work with Bree (same company different branch). She was super lovely until she suggested that we add each other on facebook and searched my name - finding that I was friends with her fiance. Realisation hit her and she said "Oh. It's you". and then has proceeded to ignore me and death stare me the rest of the week. My bosses call me in at the end of the week and ask me how I feel about the branch. I leave out the awkwardness and state that it's a lovely branch and I enjoyed my time there. My bosses offer me a transfer there effective immediately, and I'd literally be working next to Bree all day every day.

Here's the thing. I NEED this transfer. I'd only be working 7 minutes away from home compared to an hour and a half travel right now. It's a raise, and I also save a lot of money on gas, and the commute save means I can actually use that time to begin to help myself - i.e. start counselling (current job has me leaving at 7am and not getting home until after 7pm with traffic). But - Bree has messaged me and told me that if I take this job - she will ensure I quit ASAP; or ensure the entire office (close knit only 12 people) know how much of a hoe I am and nobody will talk to me. So - I need some advice - what should I do?
Anonymous 2

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:25 am

Take the job and tell the 12 other employees that you slept with Bree's man before she does.
Anonymous 2

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:26 am

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:21 am
About 6 months ago - I hit a low point, was having depressive episodes, a lot of anxiety/panic attacks and my long term boyfriend had walked out on me. A (engaged) coworker started showing interest in me, and I shut it down strictly at first, until he told me that was how he joked with everyone and his fiance confirmed it. Of course - the flirting became sexual; maybe a day after I left for another department and I went with it. I just did not give a shit anymore and just wanted to feel something. No excuse - I know. BUT; we never physically touched each other. Of course - his fiance (Bree) found out, chewed him out, called me a hoe, and told him to never do it again or she was leaving. She also told him that he could stay friends with me on Facebook only IF she could read the conversations whenever she wanted. It happened once more after that - he deleted all the messages and then that was it. I sinked further enough to isolate myself from everyone - so didn't reach out to him again.

Recently at work, I've been asked to go work with Bree (same company different branch). She was super lovely until she suggested that we add each other on facebook and searched my name - finding that I was friends with her fiance. Realisation hit her and she said "Oh. It's you". and then has proceeded to ignore me and death stare me the rest of the week. My bosses call me in at the end of the week and ask me how I feel about the branch. I leave out the awkwardness and state that it's a lovely branch and I enjoyed my time there. My bosses offer me a transfer there effective immediately, and I'd literally be working next to Bree all day every day.

Here's the thing. I NEED this transfer. I'd only be working 7 minutes away from home compared to an hour and a half travel right now. It's a raise, and I also save a lot of money on gas, and the commute save means I can actually use that time to begin to help myself - i.e. start counselling (current job has me leaving at 7am and not getting home until after 7pm with traffic). But - Bree has messaged me and told me that if I take this job - she will ensure I quit ASAP; or ensure the entire office (close knit only 12 people) know how much of a hoe I am and nobody will talk to me. So - I need some advice - what should I do?
Forgot to quote the post in my reply.
😁
Anonymous 1

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:28 am

Anonymous 2 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:25 am
Take the job and tell the 12 other employees that you slept with Bree's man before she does.
I didn't sleep with him though. Most I did was send bra pics.
Anonymous 2

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:35 am

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:28 am
Anonymous 2 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:25 am
Take the job and tell the 12 other employees that you slept with Bree's man before she does.
I didn't sleep with him though. Most I did was send bra pics.
Sorry, I only skimmed and I need coffee.
Tell everyone you sent him a bra pic and she can't deal.
Tell them before she can.
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LiveWhatULove
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:35 am

I am really sorry about this situation.

I would apologize authentically to Brie, show vulnerability and ask her for forgiveness. And then tell her, I am taking the transfer. I would then be my sweet self. I would play office politics, connect to people’s emotions, to make friends & allies. I would immediately address hostile behavior and document if she or others proceeded to bully me.

Emotions & perspectives change all the time. When I have have had a difficult interpersonal relationship at work, I always find something we have in common, a work goal or even personal chit chat from our home lives, and I really focus on that to connect us. It is harder to hate and hold grudges when you share connections. It almost always works.
Anonymous 1

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:54 am

LiveWhatULove wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:35 am
I am really sorry about this situation.

I would apologize authentically to Brie, show vulnerability and ask her for forgiveness. And then tell her, I am taking the transfer. I would then be my sweet self. I would play office politics, connect to people’s emotions, to make friends & allies. I would immediately address hostile behavior and document if she or others proceeded to bully me.

Emotions & perspectives change all the time. When I have have had a difficult interpersonal relationship at work, I always find something we have in common, a work goal or even personal chit chat from our home lives, and I really focus on that to connect us. It is harder to hate and hold grudges when you share connections. It almost always works.
Thanks for the tip - I tend to go shy in confrontations and just cry - so that helps a lot.
Anonymous 3

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:10 am

I would take this to the branch manager and HR and have them explain to Bree about the words blackmail and extortion mean. Along side hostile work envirorment
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:11 am

You do not need to be friends with everyone at work, you just need to work with them. I would tell her that I apologize for what happened, I can not change that, but this is work and I want to remain professional, so she does not have to like me, she does not have to be friendly to me, I understand that, but I am here to do my job. I would ignore the stares, be as friendly to others as possible, and if she starts being unprofessional at work, I would speak to a higherup.
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:43 am

You are not a "hoe" so stop labeling and blaming yourself. You had a consensual flirtation with an adult, and he is the one who acted badly.

You have depression and anxiety. You need support and therapy to deal with that and find a treatment plan that improves your life. Please take steps to have that: https://www.nami.org/

Delete your FB account. Stop trying to socialize with co-workers. Find friends and support groups outside of work. Find a therapist or self-help group to deal with anxiety and depression.
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