Have you ever stopped your child from turning in homework or assignments?

Anonymous 1

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 1:56 am

My SIL thinks I'm controlling - I don't know how to explain my circumstances to a CHILDLESS SIL.

I've just told DD that she is NOT turning in the piece of crap assignment she's thrown together and that as soon as SIL leaves, we are sitting down and redoing it. I've done this because the handwriting is shit - she's not answering the questions properly and the presentation is just shocking. It looks like something I'd expect off a 6yo (without assistance) not a 14yo. She told me "it's done. I'm handing it in and you can't stop me". So I confiscated it and ripped it up. DD then called me a 'F***ing bitch' which led to SIL's statement.

The background? DD has aspergers and has control issues. If it's not exactly how she wants - even if that's shit - she looses it. I could just let her turn it in as is and fail - but there are still no real world consequences for that at school, like I can do at home - like making her redo it until it's good. So she's learnt it doesn't matter. Whereas at home - she knows damn well that if she refuses to wash the dishes properly and just half-ass's it, then I will make her stay in the kitchen until each dish is washed perfectly. She will rage, hit herself, hit me, bite herself - but she does not LEAVE that kitchen until it's done - and then is punished further for hitting me.

In the real world - chances are her boss will not let her leave until she completes a task properly. If she refuses to do it - she will be fired. If she rages and hits people - she will be off to jail. So - I feel I am appropriately equipping her. She is talked to when she is calm, talked through the experience again and is in counselling - but SIL still thinks she "knows" better than her parents and a psychologist.
KendallsMom
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 2:53 am

Absolutely.

I've gone over DD's (12) homework since Kindergarten and if it's sloppy or wrong, she has to fix it.

She's always been a straight A student and above grade level. Partly because of the extra help and teaching I have given her.

I'm simply answering your question in the topic heading. I have no experience with aspergers or behavior issues.
Anonymous 1

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:18 am

KendallsMom wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 2:53 am
Absolutely.

I've gone over DD's (12) homework since Kindergarten and if it's sloppy or wrong, she has to fix it.

She's always been a straight A student and above grade level. Partly because of the extra help and teaching I have given her.

I'm simply answering your question in the topic heading. I have no experience with aspergers or behavior issues.
What would you do if she refused to fix it? or just stopped bringing homework home? (simpler questions as I know you have no experience with more intense issues)
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:28 am

Idk, that is a tough one for me to answer. I am not really involved in my children’s homework past elementary school. Even then it is a battle, I do not choose very often.if they do a poor job, they just get a lower grade.

I am sure you Are doing the best thing you can for your DD. You know her best!
Anonymous 2

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:29 am

I've made my children redo homework more times than I can count, my daughter is 10 and still takes absolutely no pride in her work, so I get it. But ripping it up seems a bit incendiary and counterproductive. Do you feel that was the right thing to do?
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:35 am

I check my daughters homework or she will ask me to review homework before she turns it in. If it’s not correct she will redo the work.
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:54 am

No. I have told ds don't come crying to me if you're wrong or get a failing grade. But getting him to do the assignment was struggle enough. I was very annoyed with the teacher the time ods did a half baked science project and got a B for it.
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:56 am

No, I do not. I encourage the boys to do their best but it’s up to them to show that responsibility. My oldest sons teacher tells them that school and homework is like a job and a ya up to them to meet the requirements of said job. One night my oldest refused to do his work-I said OK-as a result he lost recess in order to do it, lesson learned!
Anonymous 3

Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:00 am

I never stopped her from turning anything in.
She was an excellent student though and loved learning.
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Unread post Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:18 am

I will preface this with the fact that I homeschool..
I do NOT police their work like that. My oldest does all of her tests online so I grade very little of her things...her papers and projects are handed in to me and I grade those...everyday work I don't touch. My youngest on the other hand still does all of her work by hand. She still has cursive tests and things like that. If it is sloppy, oh well..I will grade it as it is and if you fail it, that is on you kiddo. I feel like she needs natural consequences and that means if the work is substandard, she fails it. It will do my child no favors at all if I helicopter over her work as she will think she gets a million chances to make it right- you don't get that in the real world so you deal with whatever consequences come with the substandard work...if that means you get fired from work, I guess you learn a lesson.
I think ripping up her work was horrible parenting personally and well, while I do not condone her calling you names, I can understand "heat of the moment" since you were a jerk first. It does not matter that she has asperbergers IMO. You ripped up her work. You should have let her turn it in and face the consequences at school.
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