Would you contact the school?

[Deleted User 638]

Hey Annie -
I think we're a little too liberal about what constitutes bullying these days. This sounds more like simple mocking - kids just being rotten as they've always been. Kids are mean, and they'll look for a reason to make fun of anyone. My opinion is that everyone is far too dramatic now.

We've all been made fun of in school. It prepares us for adulthood, when we're forced to deal with people we don't like or who don't like us. It's part of learning to cope. It sucks at the time, but it helps form strategies of how to deal.

If they were cornering him in a group and screaming in his face, if they were pantsing him in the hall over it, if he was scared to go to school, that would be bullying. That's something I'd definitely be marching to school over immediately. I didn't get the impression from the OP that anything like that was happening though.

The way you combat a bully is by growing a thicker skin and getting quick with the return insults. That shuts bullies down. They do it to get a rise. Take away the reaction, you take away the bully. So either way - just rotten kids or true bullies - the antidote is the same.

No, ignoring them doesn't shut bullies down. They often escalate in an attempt to get that reaction. Constant mocking IS bullying. It is harassment. It's not okay. It's not kids being kids. It's unacceptable. It causes emotional damage that can be lifelong.

Instead of telling kids to toughen up, we need to teach bullies that it's not acceptable and will not be tolerated. That's preparation for the adult world. Adults who bully coworkers are fired. Many adult bullies are sitting in prison.

I agree with you 1000%. There are plenty of times that you meet a kids parents and you know exactly why they are a bully and why it goes unchecked. Big asswipes raise little asswipes Teaching children not to be bullies is supposed to happen at home. Not every parent is responsible.

Unfortunately, we can't crawl into people's homes and force them to teach their children not to be jerks. If only we could, this would be a much different world.

What we do have jurisdiction over, however, are the things that happen in our own little pod. Kids need to be taught self confidence, to stand up for themselves, and not take crap from others. They need to be taught how to manage the bullies of the world.

We run into those types of people all of our lives unfortunately.

Children should be helped to learn coping skills. That doesn't change the fact that there should be zero tolerance for bullying whether it's physical or verbal. Schools should come down hard on bullies. Those schools that don't are failing their students.

[Anonymous 6]

I would teach my kid some one line responses that he can use in just about any situation.

What is your son doing/saying when the kids tease him?

[Anonymous 6]

If it isn't his hair, it'll be something else.

Until he likes himself and gives off the impression that he doesn't give a crap about what others think, he may continue to be harassed by insecure punks.

The school may even try to help. I hope they do. They should. But the one person who can change this situation, is HIM.

[Anonymous 7]

Middle school sucks, and many kids are just plain ass holes at that age. I don't think that what you describe is bullying, it's teasing, it's rude, it's unnecessary, but I don't think it's bullying.

I think the situation would be better served by teaching your kid to have faith in his self. Stress his strengths, and what makes him an amazing human being. I would devote my time and energy to helping my child, realize his worth, and to be proud of who he is, no matter what hair style he chooses.

I have my doubts about why long hair would be an issue, so many boys have long hair, I can't picture it making him stand out.

[Anonymous 1]

Middle school sucks, and many kids are just plain ass holes at that age. I don't think that what you describe is bullying, it's teasing, it's rude, it's unnecessary, but I don't think it's bullying.

I think the situation would be better served by teaching your kid to have faith in his self. Stress his strengths, and what makes him an amazing human being. I would devote my time and energy to helping my child, realize his worth, and to be proud of who he is, no matter what hair style he chooses.

I have my doubts about why long hair would be an issue, so many boys have long hair, I can't picture it making him stand out.

it makes him stand out because it's a smaller charter school, most of the boys have a fade haircut. His on the other hand is to his shoulders in long blond natural ringlets.

And I agree that middle schoolers are assholes.

[Deleted User 203]

How does your son feel about you getting involved and talking with the school/principal yourself?

I ask this because his opinion on you doing so needs to matter as this could make things worse for him. Since he knows the other kid's better, he might have some idea of who he's dealing with more than you do.

Talk with him and ask him how he wishes for you to proceed if at all.

[Anonymous 7]

Middle school sucks, and many kids are just plain ass holes at that age. I don't think that what you describe is bullying, it's teasing, it's rude, it's unnecessary, but I don't think it's bullying.

I think the situation would be better served by teaching your kid to have faith in his self. Stress his strengths, and what makes him an amazing human being. I would devote my time and energy to helping my child, realize his worth, and to be proud of who he is, no matter what hair style he chooses.

I have my doubts about why long hair would be an issue, so many boys have long hair, I can't picture it making him stand out.

it makes him stand out because it's a smaller charter school, most of the boys have a fade haircut. His on the other hand is to his shoulders in long blond natural ringlets.

Now see, I grew up on a reservation and everybody had long hair. When my kids were in middle school half the boys had shoulder length hair, so I couldn't picture it. Thank you.

And I agree that middle schoolers are assholes.

[Inmybizz]

Middle school sucks, and many kids are just plain ass holes at that age. I don't think that what you describe is bullying, it's teasing, it's rude, it's unnecessary, but I don't think it's bullying.

I think the situation would be better served by teaching your kid to have faith in his self. Stress his strengths, and what makes him an amazing human being. I would devote my time and energy to helping my child, realize his worth, and to be proud of who he is, no matter what hair style he chooses.

I have my doubts about why long hair would be an issue, so many boys have long hair, I can't picture it making him stand out.

I agree with your last statement. I volunteer at a school and I have seen boys with hair down their backs.. longer than most of the girls.

[Anonymous 6]

I shared this story with someone and here was that person's response was:

"Seems odd that a kid that is bold enough to buck the norm would be upset about what anyone thinks of him. You would think he wouldn't give a shit."

[PoplarGrove]

Teachers can't hear everything kids say to each other. They just can't.

This is unfortunately normal. I'd teach him better ways to handle it between him and the kids - better ways to respond or ignore.

I'm sorry, but no, just no. Teacher's can't hear everything but they hear enough. The difference between a good teacher and a shit teacher is what they choose to hear and ignore. There is no way a kid is bullied every day and no adult sees or hears a thing. Unless those bullies are little masterminds.

I remember spending a year trying to convince my daughter's second grade teacher that 3 girls in the class were bullying her and another girl. The teacher claimed they were sweet girls and would never do anything like that. She choose to ignore the behaviour and let it continue. 2 weeks into third grade I went to teacher interviews with her new teacher. I started to bring up the subject and her response was "oh, I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm doing everything I can to deal with it. C, L and P won't be getting away with that behaviour on my watch". So, after a year one teacher see's absolutely nothing and the other has identified a problem and is dealing with it 2 weeks into school. Sorry, but I call bullshit on teachers not being able to see the problems. They choose not to see the problems because it will add more work to their day.

While our kids need to learn coping skills for bullies they shouldn't have to do it alone and the school is responsible for keeping our children safe during school hours. Both physically and emotionally. Telling the bullied child to learn how to ignore the behaviour to try and stop the bullying is like telling a female to learn how to dress to prevent sexual harassment. We're teaching our kids from a very young age that the victim is the one at fault.