Do you ever silently cheer when your kids are a smart ass?

[Traci_Momof2]

My SS is 15. He seems to have two modes. Sweet and Caring or obnoxious and rude. There doesn't seem to be an in between.
He goes to a small private school. There are 15 kids in the sophomore class. He is #1 in his class.

DD is 16. She goes to a regular public school. There are 512 in her class. She is number 42 in her class.

SS was bragging about being #1 in his class the other day and DD told him that it wasn't hard to do in a small private school with only 15 kids in his class. She went on to tell him that the fact that there were no AP classes or dual credit doesn't help his claim. He said that at least he wasn't 42. She told him you can't compare apples and cats. He may or may not be #1 in a larger school. But she was damn happy with 42 in a class of 512.

Silently, I cheered. He is always bragging about his standings in school. We have told him before that private school is a different animal.

DD flat out refused private school. None of the schools here offer what she really wants. Her life is performing arts.

How do your kids even know their ranking amongst the class? Is that something that some schools publish to the students? Because I've never seen it. I don't even know what my ranking was when I graduated HS. I know what my GPA was, but I have no clue where that ranked me amongst the 200+ students in my class.

It seems like a dumb thing for either one of them to brag about to begin with. I would probably have told them both to shut up about it and I don't want to hear about rankings any more from either of them.

Rankings are a big thing in many schools. They can be important when university admmisions offices are looking at admissions. They can tip the scales with some scholarships.

I can't understand why any parent would be upset over their own kids discussing their rankings. It means the children are taking school and their future seriously.

Because rankings sound too much like comparing kids to each other, and just something to brag about and make others feel bad about. I don't compare my own kids to each other. I compare my one kid to himself and my other kid to himself. We talk a lot about grades and GPA but it's within the context of "are you doing the best that you can do?"

I really don't care how my kid is doing compared to others in his class. That just sounds petty.

[Pjmm]

I would remind both kids that it's great to proud of their accomplishments but that there's always someone smarter than you, prettier than you, richer than you, etc.,

This. I used to tell ods all rankings are good for is to tell you how motivated you are. You can be Albert Einstein but if you don't gaf about getting straight As you just don't. Whereas some average Joe works for them because that's his motivation. I hated how he used to compare himself to yds who is a terrible student. Just get over yourself.

[Anonymous 3]

Exactly. My father used to always say, "We come nearest to greatness when we are great in humility." (or something like that. )- Rabindranath Tagore

And besides...Nobody likes a bragger.

I would remind both kids that it's great to proud of their accomplishments but that there's always someone smarter than you, prettier than you, richer than you, etc.,

This. I used to tell ods all rankings are good for is to tell you how motivated you are. You can be Albert Einstein but if you don't gaf about getting straight As you just don't. Whereas some average Joe works for them because that's his motivation. I hated how he used to compare himself to yds who is a terrible student. Just get over yourself.

[SisterSomeone]

All the F***ing time. It is very rare that my kid makes a smartass quip that I wasn't proud of. He gets it from his mama. If it's inappropriate for me to openly approve of his attitude, I cheer silently. Other times, I just high five him.

[Anonymous 2]

How do your kids even know their ranking amongst the class? Is that something that some schools publish to the students? Because I've never seen it. I don't even know what my ranking was when I graduated HS. I know what my GPA was, but I have no clue where that ranked me amongst the 200+ students in my class.

It seems like a dumb thing for either one of them to brag about to begin with. I would probably have told them both to shut up about it and I don't want to hear about rankings any more from either of them.

Rankings are a big thing in many schools. They can be important when university admmisions offices are looking at admissions. They can tip the scales with some scholarships.

I can't understand why any parent would be upset over their own kids discussing their rankings. It means the children are taking school and their future seriously.

Because rankings sound too much like comparing kids to each other, and just something to brag about and make others feel bad about. I don't compare my own kids to each other. I compare my one kid to himself and my other kid to himself. We talk a lot about grades and GPA but it's within the context of "are you doing the best that you can do?"

I really don't care how my kid is doing compared to others in his class. That just sounds petty.

Rankings aren't posted. Students can get their rankings from their school counselors. The only way others know their rankings is if they tell.

Rankings are important to some students. Rankings can affect their higher education plans. They need to know where they stand before they start the application process. Rankings can be a reassurance that they're on track or an incentive to step up their academic game.

Students with a high class ranking SHOULD be proud. It takes hard work and dedication to get there. I'm very proud of mine who graduated second in his class. I'm just as proud of his sister who intends to do the same thing in a few years.


Adults in the workplace are going to be compared to other workers. University students who want to pursue graduate school are going to be compared to other students when they apply. That's life. High school students knowing how they stand compared to others isn't going to hurt them.

[Traci_Momof2]

Rankings are a big thing in many schools. They can be important when university admmisions offices are looking at admissions. They can tip the scales with some scholarships.

I can't understand why any parent would be upset over their own kids discussing their rankings. It means the children are taking school and their future seriously.

Because rankings sound too much like comparing kids to each other, and just something to brag about and make others feel bad about. I don't compare my own kids to each other. I compare my one kid to himself and my other kid to himself. We talk a lot about grades and GPA but it's within the context of "are you doing the best that you can do?"

I really don't care how my kid is doing compared to others in his class. That just sounds petty.

Rankings aren't posted. Students can get their rankings from their school counselors. The only way others know their rankings is if they tell.

Rankings are important to some students. Rankings can affect their higher education plans. They need to know where they stand before they start the application process. Rankings can be a reassurance that they're on track or an incentive to step up their academic game.

Students with a high class ranking SHOULD be proud. It takes hard work and dedication to get there. I'm very proud of mine who graduated second in his class. I'm just as proud of his sister who intends to do the same thing in a few years.


Adults in the workplace are going to be compared to other workers. University students who want to pursue graduate school are going to be compared to other students when they apply. That's life. High school students knowing how they stand compared to others isn't going to hurt them.

Please expand on this. Because this has not been my experience at all. Whether minimum wage worker or career salaried employee, when I had a review I was judged on my work and my work only. It was more about "so these were your goals for the quarter, did you meet your goals, did you exceed your goals?" and so on. There was never anything about "Well Leonard accomplished this much but you only accomplished that much". I think my jaw would hit the floor if I ever had a review like that.

[Anonymous 2]

Because rankings sound too much like comparing kids to each other, and just something to brag about and make others feel bad about. I don't compare my own kids to each other. I compare my one kid to himself and my other kid to himself. We talk a lot about grades and GPA but it's within the context of "are you doing the best that you can do?"

I really don't care how my kid is doing compared to others in his class. That just sounds petty.

Rankings aren't posted. Students can get their rankings from their school counselors. The only way others know their rankings is if they tell.

Rankings are important to some students. Rankings can affect their higher education plans. They need to know where they stand before they start the application process. Rankings can be a reassurance that they're on track or an incentive to step up their academic game.

Students with a high class ranking SHOULD be proud. It takes hard work and dedication to get there. I'm very proud of mine who graduated second in his class. I'm just as proud of his sister who intends to do the same thing in a few years.


Adults in the workplace are going to be compared to other workers. University students who want to pursue graduate school are going to be compared to other students when they apply. That's life. High school students knowing how they stand compared to others isn't going to hurt them.

Please expand on this. Because this has not been my experience at all. Whether minimum wage worker or career salaried employee, when I had a review I was judged on my work and my work only. It was more about "so these were your goals for the quarter, did you meet your goals, did you exceed your goals?" and so on. There was never anything about "Well Leonard accomplished this much but you only accomplished that much". I think my jaw would hit the floor if I ever had a review like that.

Applicants for positions are compared to other applicants. Employees are compared to other employees when they are being considered for promotion.

[Anonymous 3]

Your review is based on your performance. And Leonard's review is based on his performance. But when the boss is doing annual performance reviews and has to stick within a budget when handing out raises, if Leonard is outselling you or is outperforming you in some way, Leonard will be getting a bigger raise than you.

Because rankings sound too much like comparing kids to each other, and just something to brag about and make others feel bad about. I don't compare my own kids to each other. I compare my one kid to himself and my other kid to himself. We talk a lot about grades and GPA but it's within the context of "are you doing the best that you can do?"

I really don't care how my kid is doing compared to others in his class. That just sounds petty.

Rankings aren't posted. Students can get their rankings from their school counselors. The only way others know their rankings is if they tell.

Rankings are important to some students. Rankings can affect their higher education plans. They need to know where they stand before they start the application process. Rankings can be a reassurance that they're on track or an incentive to step up their academic game.

Students with a high class ranking SHOULD be proud. It takes hard work and dedication to get there. I'm very proud of mine who graduated second in his class. I'm just as proud of his sister who intends to do the same thing in a few years.


Adults in the workplace are going to be compared to other workers. University students who want to pursue graduate school are going to be compared to other students when they apply. That's life. High school students knowing how they stand compared to others isn't going to hurt them.

Please expand on this. Because this has not been my experience at all. Whether minimum wage worker or career salaried employee, when I had a review I was judged on my work and my work only. It was more about "so these were your goals for the quarter, did you meet your goals, did you exceed your goals?" and so on. There was never anything about "Well Leonard accomplished this much but you only accomplished that much". I think my jaw would hit the floor if I ever had a review like that.

[Traci_Momof2]

But that's not publicized, not even to the individual employee. The manager may make that comparison, but s/he is keeping it to themselves. When I go in and get notification of my raise I am told "Based on your review I was able to get you a 2.5% raise." And that's pretty much all I'm told. I'm not told "You get a 2.5% raise but Leonard is getting a 3% raise because he outperformed you." They can't do that. Even I alone in a private meeting with my manager am not told one thing about how the others in the department performed or what kind of raises the others are getting. I am only told all about myself, and Leonard is only told all about himself.

And IMO that's how it relates back to the original topic. Of course every class has a ranking. You can take any group and rank them on pretty much any aspect and there exists a ranking. But to tell a High School student "you are ranked 153 out of 215 students". I honestly don't see one positive thing that it accomplishes. Especially if that student is already working hard just to achieve that ranking, all I see is that it makes them feel like shit for working hard, just because other students maybe have an easier time with school or don't have the same challenges that #153 has.
Like my youngest. I'm sure he doesn't have a high ranking. He's got some A's and some B's but also a C and a D, and we are working on those. But so far this year he is doing so much better than he did the past 4 years at the other school. He is doing better than HIMSELF and that is what I want to praise him for and what I want him to feel proud of. I don't give a rats ass about how he compares to the other students.

Your review is based on your performance. And Leonard's review is based on his performance. But when the boss is doing annual performance reviews and has to stick within a budget when handing out raises, if Leonard is outselling you or is outperforming you in some way, Leonard will be getting a bigger raise than you.

Rankings aren't posted. Students can get their rankings from their school counselors. The only way others know their rankings is if they tell.

Rankings are important to some students. Rankings can affect their higher education plans. They need to know where they stand before they start the application process. Rankings can be a reassurance that they're on track or an incentive to step up their academic game.

Students with a high class ranking SHOULD be proud. It takes hard work and dedication to get there. I'm very proud of mine who graduated second in his class. I'm just as proud of his sister who intends to do the same thing in a few years.


Adults in the workplace are going to be compared to other workers. University students who want to pursue graduate school are going to be compared to other students when they apply. That's life. High school students knowing how they stand compared to others isn't going to hurt them.

Please expand on this. Because this has not been my experience at all. Whether minimum wage worker or career salaried employee, when I had a review I was judged on my work and my work only. It was more about "so these were your goals for the quarter, did you meet your goals, did you exceed your goals?" and so on. There was never anything about "Well Leonard accomplished this much but you only accomplished that much". I think my jaw would hit the floor if I ever had a review like that.

[Anonymous 2]

But that's not publicized, not even to the individual employee. The manager may make that comparison, but s/he is keeping it to themselves. When I go in and get notification of my raise I am told "Based on your review I was able to get you a 2.5% raise." And that's pretty much all I'm told. I'm not told "You get a 2.5% raise but Leonard is getting a 3% raise because he outperformed you." They can't do that. Even I alone in a private meeting with my manager am not told one thing about how the others in the department performed or what kind of raises the others are getting. I am only told all about myself, and Leonard is only told all about himself.

And IMO that's how it relates back to the original topic. Of course every class has a ranking. You can take any group and rank them on pretty much any aspect and there exists a ranking. But to tell a High School student "you are ranked 153 out of 215 students". I honestly don't see one positive thing that it accomplishes. Especially if that student is already working hard just to achieve that ranking, all I see is that it makes them feel like shit for working hard, just because other students maybe have an easier time with school or don't have the same challenges that #153 has.
Like my youngest. I'm sure he doesn't have a high ranking. He's got some A's and some B's but also a C and a D, and we are working on those. But so far this year he is doing so much better than he did the past 4 years at the other school. He is doing better than HIMSELF and that is what I want to praise him for and what I want him to feel proud of. I don't give a rats ass about how he compares to the other students.

Your review is based on your performance. And Leonard's review is based on his performance. But when the boss is doing annual performance reviews and has to stick within a budget when handing out raises, if Leonard is outselling you or is outperforming you in some way, Leonard will be getting a bigger raise than you.

Please expand on this. Because this has not been my experience at all. Whether minimum wage worker or career salaried employee, when I had a review I was judged on my work and my work only. It was more about "so these were your goals for the quarter, did you meet your goals, did you exceed your goals?" and so on. There was never anything about "Well Leonard accomplished this much but you only accomplished that much". I think my jaw would hit the floor if I ever had a review like that.

You assuming all high school students would be frustrated by knowing their rank if it's not high. That's not true. A student with good self-esteem will either take it as an incentive or be okay with it if he knows he's doing his best.