No relationship with in-laws?

[msgme]

The only person i've cut off is my husbands twin bother. I never liked him. He is very very selfish and has always just been an ass to dh. I've always sorta kept my distance but about 2 years ago he went out of his way to make sure dh lost his job. it was just the final straw for me. dh still has minimal contact with him cause he's sick and is not expected to live much longer and he does love his brother. I'm civil when i see him at other family functions but we don't talk. my kids want nothing to do with him either.

[MrsDavidB]

Money. Specifically my FIL expecting my husband to pay for a house for him to live in while he travels, buys boats, and designer dogs with his girlfriend. And his brother and sister never helping and expecting him to do it without any help from them had led me to completely be done with his people.

[Msprekteacher]

My father in law is a gem. My one sister in law is a gem.

My Mother In Law is a different story. She had a horrible relationship with her own mom, doesn’t speak to her brother and has zero use for me. When we had a late term pregnancy loss she said “Well, I guess the dog is the closest we will get to having a grand child”. So you’d think when she had grand children that she would be over joyed. Nope, she hasn’t come to our home since our eldest child turned 2. My husband take the boys over, and his Dad comes and visits but my MIL...she just has zero interest.

[SisterSomeone]

Nothing in particular happened, we just live on opposite sides of the country. When we see each other, we're all nice and polite and mostly have a good time together, but we aren't in each other's day to day lives and that's just it.

[mommeruchy]

DH and I don't live the exact kind of life they envisioned.

[Olioxenfree]

We are civil with them, but contact is minimal. They aren't healthy for my husband and we have realized that seeing that isn't healthy for our kids. He wants to set the example that you shouldn't allow someone to treat you badly just because you feel an obligation to them. It's as much their choice as it is ours, they choose not to initiate the relationship either. Some examples:
1. Little background, my husband's parents were never together, my FIL cheated on his wife with my husband's mom and he was born. He lived with his mom until he was 7, she disappeared, he went to live with his dad and stepmom and his stepmom adopted him.
2. My FIL was/is a workaholic and was pretty absent. Because of the affair, my MIL could easily guilt him into anything, so he never stood up for my husband. My husband's older halfbrother was very disturbed by his dad's affair and by his parent's constant arguments, understandable when you're 8, and took it out on my husband. He physically and emotionally abused him for years. 90% of the time he could lie his way out of it and they would just take his word. The 10% that he was caught in the act, he was never punished because his mom would cry to his dad that he was just acting out, which he was, but they never just coddled him instead of getting him the help he desperately needed, so it continued. I know siblings fight, but some examples are leaving bruises on him, locking him in closets, stealing his personal things and destroying them, and poured a pot of boiling water on him. He once burned him with a cigarette and told his mom that someone had flicked it through the window and it hit him, and she believed that. To keep them from being left alone together, my husband would have to go sit in his dad's office all day. When he bullied him at their school, they pulled my husband from the school, where he had friends and did well, and sent him away to a boarding school.
3. He was never allowed to talk about his mom, because it was upsetting to his stepmom. They changed his name, even changed his birthday somehow, and pretended she never existed. When my husband acted out as a result, they punished him and acted like he was a bad kid. He would run away and they wouldn't even look for him. He had several teachers who pushed that he see a therapist and they refused.
4. They told him that he could only go to college for business, so he could work for his dad's company, because he owed that to them. When he decided to go for something else, they said he wasn't in the family anymore and didn't speak to him for three years.
5. Skip forward to now, they have never had any interest in our kids and my MIL goes on about how she can't wait to have grandkids. They still support my BIL being toxic and tell my husband to be a man and deal with it. Any time my husband's younger halfsiblings act up, my MIL actually blames it on my husband, saying he set this example for them. My FIL's personal assistant knows our kids better than they do. They are putting my husband down. They are also sexist and it drives my husband crazy when they treat our sons differently than our daughter.

I could keep going on. In the past, it was tough to let go of something that you really want to just work out. But, it just wasn't healthy. We loved close enough to them and my husband's younger siblings, who we love, were still kids and living with them. Now, we live 500 miles away and the siblings are in college, so we can see them on their own terms. We're at the point now that if they reach out, which is rare, we will respond and be civil, but we don't otherwise engage.

[Traci_Momof2]

Our relationship with them is fine but we are not close. We also don't talk on a regular basis.
We live 1,700 miles away from DH's parents. We go back there once a year and see them a couple time while we are back there. They come out here once a year, sometimes less, to visit with us. Phone calls are generally only on Birthdays or if something big is going on (like when DH went in for hip replacement surgery they called to see how he was doing).

We used to live only an hour away from them and saw them on average once a month. They became part of the reason why we moved away. They essentially pissed us off one too many times in their treatment of our kids. Nothing abusive or anything, but hurt feelings and stuff like that. They are essentially good people but they are very particular about everything in their lives and it created conflict.

[Anonymous 5]

It started out because they were all very active Mormons and I'm Pagan. I wasn't good enough for their brother. Now, it's a habit. My husband is the only active member, I'm still Pagan, and they still don't interact with me unless they have to.

A lot of it is that we have little to nothing in common with each other. In the beginning I tried to interact with them and get to know them, but spent the majority of gatherings being ignored or interrupted. So I started bringing books to keep myself entertained. They complained that I wasn't approachable with my face in a book. I stopped bringing books, and nothing changed except my boredom level.

[Gorilla_Mama]

We have no contact with FIL bc he walked out when dh was 12. Dh tried reaching out again when we got married and FIL basically told him he wants nothing to do with us

[Anonymous 6]

My mil died less than a year after we married. Her 3 sons just kinda scattered. They don't really maintain their relationship beyond a call every couple of years & maybe a visit every 5-10 years. I was the only dil and no matter how I tried to keep them talking & visiting, it just didn't work so I gave up on it.