Goodbye letter

[Sassy762]

8 of the funerals I went to were both sets of grandparents then my stepdads parents, my step father was killed, that was a shock and my brother died when he was 31, that was really a shock. A good friends father died but he had been sick for long, he lived longer than expected. Another friends DH died but he had been sick for a long time also. Then 2 of my grandkids dad died suddenly, I took them to the wake and the funeral but it was a closed casket because he had been dead for a week before he was found.
That's 11 people instead of 10 and Im probably forgetting a few now that Im thinking about it.
I think that if the person is old and has been sick then you kind of expect it and in some cases its sad but in a weird kind of way...a relief. Its a relief because they aren't in pain or suffering anymore, if that makes sense.
BUT if they are young and the death comes out of the blue, that's more shocking and devastating to me anyway .

Most of the funerals I have been to were for older people, but a couple of them were younger and that affected me more...my cousin was in his 20's when he died in a motorcycle accident. I remember going to the hospital when he was in a coma and hooked up on a ventilator..I was really little....like maybe 6-8 yrs old....strange I don't remember my exact age...I just know that I didn't like seeing that. My friend died in a car accident when we were 19....i know that's not little for me, but that one really affected me. Also, my parents would always talk bad about all of the family...I mean really bad...and make fun of them, etc, etc. so that warped my mind thinking why the hell are we at the funeral and they are crying over them and stuff when all they did was bitch about them and make fun of them?! It just felt so icky and fake as a small child.

I'm old but I've only been to maybe 10 wake/funerals that I can recall in my lifetime. When I was young it seemed to be the thing to do ....to have the kids kiss the deceased person but NOT this young child or my young kids, lol My oldest two weren't born when my maternal grandfather passed away but were here when my maternal grandmother passed. They went to the wake and funeral but were so young, I doubt they remember it. They DID NOT kiss my grandmother in the coffin, she would have haunted me if I had them do that...but that never crossed my mind, lol

Oh geeze! Kiss them while in the coffin!?! No way! I have been to SO MANY funerals in my lifetime since I was a small child. I guess I was "forced" to do what everyone else was doing which was going up to the casket and looking at them. I always felt like they were going to open their eyes (the deceased person)! It was scary and I still feel that way when I go to funerals (which is rare now) but now I usually do not walk up to the casket any longer...I just kinda look over that way while I am at the back of the room. Or I just don't go to the showing or funeral at all.

And I have never brought my kids to a funeral no matter who they have been. I know it's my own thing of how I feel but going to so many funerals in my life really affected me and I don't think it's necessary for a child to go although I realize there is nothing wrong with it either...it's just been my choice for my kids so far. One of the funerals I went to recently was for my grandma. People were asking where my kids were and I simply said "at school" because it was a school day. They were not close to my grandma and in reality, neither was I. I still cared about her and had love for her though. If my inlaws pass away, I probably will "allow" my kids to go to their funeral. We aren't that close to them either, but they know who they are and they see them for some of the kids' bdays and for Christmas and every once in awhile we might see them a 3rd time in a year.

[Anonymous 6]

What made you not go to their funerals?

You wouldn't go to your parents or a siblings funeral either?

I know that you were not asking me, but no I did not attend either of my parents funerals. I have absolutely no regrets about not going, before anyone ask.

They were both worthless drunks, who could not keep us fed, clothed, or sheltered but they always had plenty of booze, and they were both mean drunks, they were drunk a lot.

[Vegaswife2011]

No I would not go.

[carterscutie85]

Did your mom have contact with her mom beforehand? If not, for how long did they not have a relationship?

I know that you were not asking me, but no I did not attend either of my parents funerals. I have absolutely no regrets about not going, before anyone ask.

My Mom didn't go to her Mom's funeral and I don't blame her.

They had a good relationship. My parents both always just said what I said which is that it's best to remember someone as they were. Not in a coffin.

[Vegaswife2011]

What made you not go to their funerals?

I know that you were not asking me, but no I did not attend either of my parents funerals. I have absolutely no regrets about not going, before anyone ask.

They were both worthless drunks, who could not keep us fed, clothed, or sheltered but they always had plenty of booze, and they were both mean drunks, they were drunk a lot.

I’m sorry

[Pjmm]

I'd wonder wtf I'd done to deserve not going to a funeral. Idk what I'd do other than guilt and drinking would be involved. This is assuming I was close to the person. It really depends on the circumstances.

[Valentina327]

If someone is writing out a suicide letter, pouring out their final heartfelt thoughts to their loved ones, and they have the presence of mind to stop and specifically say "oh p.s. I don't want Broonhilda there", that to me is a pretty strong indication that my ass does not belong there.

I'd figure I must have REALLY done something pretty awful to them if they are thinking of me in that light in these final moments.

[Valentina327]

What made you not go to their funerals?

I know that you were not asking me, but no I did not attend either of my parents funerals. I have absolutely no regrets about not going, before anyone ask.

They were both worthless drunks, who could not keep us fed, clothed, or sheltered but they always had plenty of booze, and they were both mean drunks, they were drunk a lot.

I'm so sorry that was your childhood
I truly hope you're past all of that heartbreak now and doing well.

[Linda_Runs]

I disagree with what many have posted, in my opinion, the funeral is not about the deceased, BUT actually about the loved ones who are very much alive and grieving. In my opinion, the deceased is at peace, he/she no longer has or needs earthly requests. The funeral ritual is completely for and about the remaining Earth bound living, saying good-bye and celebrating the life that the person once had.

Through this ritual, many of these loved ones are comforted, knowing that they are honoring a memory by following the wishes or requests made by the deceased, when he/she was still alive -- so if loved ones wished I stay away for that reason, then I likely would not attend. BUT if being present would provided the living comfort, I would likely choose to be there.

I totally agree with you that funerals are for the living not the dead, but I would honour their wishes. If it was important enough for them to specifically include my name in a suicide note, I would not go.

There is a flip side to this though. In their final moments of the most stress they may have ever been in, to specifically single out a person not to attend their funeral could raise many questions.

[LiveWhatULove]

I disagree with what many have posted, in my opinion, the funeral is not about the deceased, BUT actually about the loved ones who are very much alive and grieving. In my opinion, the deceased is at peace, he/she no longer has or needs earthly requests. The funeral ritual is completely for and about the remaining Earth bound living, saying good-bye and celebrating the life that the person once had.

Through this ritual, many of these loved ones are comforted, knowing that they are honoring a memory by following the wishes or requests made by the deceased, when he/she was still alive -- so if loved ones wished I stay away for that reason, then I likely would not attend. BUT if being present would provided the living comfort, I would likely choose to be there.

I totally agree with you that funerals are for the living not the dead, but I would honour their wishes. If it was important enough for them to specifically include my name in a suicide note, I would not go.

There is a flip side to this though. In their final moments of the most stress they may have ever been in, to specifically single out a person not to attend their funeral could raise many questions.

I could understand that view point.

I personally believe though, that when the majority of people commit suicide, they are mentally unwell, or in other words, they are typically not sane or thinking clearly...so ramblings about me or anyone would be meaningless to my eyes.