Can't walk away from motherhood...

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Unread post Tue Sep 03, 2019 10:03 am

I have tried to stay optimistic and ignorant about my DD and her "reading" issues, but in my heart, my gut, I know she has dyslexia. And I just want to walk away, ignore it and move on. I'm so tired. UGH, I cry, just thinking of all the extra work and expense. I was so hoping, that she was the one, that could just be my sweet, little average learner. But nope, she's this fierce bold child, that is going to need thousands of dollars and hours so she can read. *sigh* I just want to walk away some days. Sometimes, I just want to focus on my career, ugh, but nope, my days feel like will forever be filled with tears and outbursts as I try to mold these brains to function in future society.

Just venting, I know what I gotta do, take a deep breath and pull up my big girl panties and deal...
Anonymous 1

Unread post Tue Sep 03, 2019 11:33 pm

Is she your only child with dyslexia?

I have a son with severe dyslexia, diagnosed at age 8. I recognize that feeling of the uphill battle that seems nearly impossible to beat. My son didnt start reading fluently until the end of 4th grade. Up until then, he remained at pre-primer as a reader. I had MANY people, other mothers with children that have dyslexia as well as his first dyslexia teacher, tell me that so many things would be next to impossible for him to learn. I was told he would never reach the desired reading level as his peers, that he will never learn another language, act in a play, and going to college would be the worst thing for him because he simply wouldnt be able to keep up. They all tried to drill it in my head that he simply cannot beat this learning disability. I joined dyslexia meet up groups and would listen to so many parents talk about their kids as if they knew they didnt have a chance at a normal or successful life as an adult. One mother even complained that her daughters teacher tried to use college as a motivator, stating "she knows good and well that my daughter doesnt have a snowballs chance in hell of going to college. Its cruel to even have her entertain the thought" and many parents agreed with her and joined in on all the things their kids would NEVER be able to do. I remember thinking how very sad it must be for those kids to know thats what their parents think. And if I were their child, I wouldnt feel any motivation to try at all. Why would I? If they think I didnt have the mental capacity to do something, I must be too stupid to do it.

Here is what I learned, children with dyslexia are exceptional kids. And I dont mean that in just a simple way. I mean, they REALLY are exceptional! I learned that most dyslexia students have a higher than average IQ. That means even though they have a learning curve and they are going to have a mountain to climb, they have the capacity to figure out their own way to navigate despite their disability. The way I figure it, the high IQ is a direct result, because its a balance. When you take one thing away, you have something else to fall back on. The thing is, you have to let them know they have it. That they are just as capable of doing things that anyone else can, its just going to take a little more time and work because they are non neurotypical living in a neurotypical world. Of course its going to be harder to navigate. Nothing is really designed for them, least of all in the educational system.

This is exactly what I told my son. I also told his teachers and specialists that under no circumstances did I want thm to discourage him in any way or enable him to use his LD as a crutch. Level the playing field, yes. But there will be no talk about "but I cant because Im dyslexic". YES they can! They have to figure it out. And the thing is, when they get it, they take off! Once they figure whatever they need to figure out, neurotypical find it hard to keep up. For example, for years my son couldnt read. The kids in his class would make fun, or they wouldnt want to be in a reading group with him because he "couldnt read". This used to hurt his feelings so much and he and I would have many talks about this. Once he caught on, he left them all behind.

I dont know what it was that clicked with him, but like I said, at the end of 4th grade, he went from pre-primer to on level. By 5th grade, despite is dyslexia, his lexile put him at 8th grade level. 6th grade, he scored the top 5% in his district on state testing which which made him eligible for Duke U. talent program. He took his SATS through the program in 7th grade. Now in 9th grade he is learning Spanish, taking 3 AP classes, one of which is English.

With all that said, I dont think he would have gone as far as he has right now, if he didnt have a completely supportive network behind him telling him that he is just as capable as anyone else. I made sure that everyone involved knew that was the way we were going to play it. He does struggle in some areas, especially spelling. But he has surpassed what everyone had initially told me to expect from him. Every child is different, you have to learn their strengths and draw on that. Let them know you believe in them no matter what.

And as for the money, I understand. It didnt cost us thousands directly out of pocket. We were fortunate enough to find one of the highest rated school districts for dyslexia, but we did have to move into one of the most expensive places to live in order to allow him to be in that district. And that was scary. We are making things work and it isnt as bad as I thought. We just have to budget really well lol.

Sorry this is so long. If you got this far, bless lol. I wish you all the best of luck. Its hard but you got this and she does as well.
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Unread post Wed Sep 04, 2019 11:56 am

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Tue Sep 03, 2019 11:33 pm
Is she your only child with dyslexia?

I have a son with severe dyslexia, diagnosed at age 8. I recognize that feeling of the uphill battle that seems nearly impossible to beat. My son didnt start reading fluently until the end of 4th grade. Up until then, he remained at pre-primer as a reader. I had MANY people, other mothers with children that have dyslexia as well as his first dyslexia teacher, tell me that so many things would be next to impossible for him to learn. I was told he would never reach the desired reading level as his peers, that he will never learn another language, act in a play, and going to college would be the worst thing for him because he simply wouldnt be able to keep up. They all tried to drill it in my head that he simply cannot beat this learning disability. I joined dyslexia meet up groups and would listen to so many parents talk about their kids as if they knew they didnt have a chance at a normal or successful life as an adult. One mother even complained that her daughters teacher tried to use college as a motivator, stating "she knows good and well that my daughter doesnt have a snowballs chance in hell of going to college. Its cruel to even have her entertain the thought" and many parents agreed with her and joined in on all the things their kids would NEVER be able to do. I remember thinking how very sad it must be for those kids to know thats what their parents think. And if I were their child, I wouldnt feel any motivation to try at all. Why would I? If they think I didnt have the mental capacity to do something, I must be too stupid to do it.

Here is what I learned, children with dyslexia are exceptional kids. And I dont mean that in just a simple way. I mean, they REALLY are exceptional! I learned that most dyslexia students have a higher than average IQ. That means even though they have a learning curve and they are going to have a mountain to climb, they have the capacity to figure out their own way to navigate despite their disability. The way I figure it, the high IQ is a direct result, because its a balance. When you take one thing away, you have something else to fall back on. The thing is, you have to let them know they have it. That they are just as capable of doing things that anyone else can, its just going to take a little more time and work because they are non neurotypical living in a neurotypical world. Of course its going to be harder to navigate. Nothing is really designed for them, least of all in the educational system.

This is exactly what I told my son. I also told his teachers and specialists that under no circumstances did I want thm to discourage him in any way or enable him to use his LD as a crutch. Level the playing field, yes. But there will be no talk about "but I cant because Im dyslexic". YES they can! They have to figure it out. And the thing is, when they get it, they take off! Once they figure whatever they need to figure out, neurotypical find it hard to keep up. For example, for years my son couldnt read. The kids in his class would make fun, or they wouldnt want to be in a reading group with him because he "couldnt read". This used to hurt his feelings so much and he and I would have many talks about this. Once he caught on, he left them all behind.

I dont know what it was that clicked with him, but like I said, at the end of 4th grade, he went from pre-primer to on level. By 5th grade, despite is dyslexia, his lexile put him at 8th grade level. 6th grade, he scored the top 5% in his district on state testing which which made him eligible for Duke U. talent program. He took his SATS through the program in 7th grade. Now in 9th grade he is learning Spanish, taking 3 AP classes, one of which is English.

With all that said, I dont think he would have gone as far as he has right now, if he didnt have a completely supportive network behind him telling him that he is just as capable as anyone else. I made sure that everyone involved knew that was the way we were going to play it. He does struggle in some areas, especially spelling. But he has surpassed what everyone had initially told me to expect from him. Every child is different, you have to learn their strengths and draw on that. Let them know you believe in them no matter what.

And as for the money, I understand. It didnt cost us thousands directly out of pocket. We were fortunate enough to find one of the highest rated school districts for dyslexia, but we did have to move into one of the most expensive places to live in order to allow him to be in that district. And that was scary. We are making things work and it isnt as bad as I thought. We just have to budget really well lol.

Sorry this is so long. If you got this far, bless lol. I wish you all the best of luck. Its hard but you got this and she does as well.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so happy for your DS, and know his success is in part due to your strong unconditional support and advocacy.

I struggle with optimism A LOT! As I have a DS with dyslexia and other disabilities, who tests below average on the IQ score. I do find it difficult to balance real vs. unrealistic expectations. My DS just brought home his vocab exam, 56%. What followed was a huge fight, about how he has to work harder, do homework, and “life is not fair” but that’s how it has to be. Just because his friends do not have homework, and the teacher tells him, the class does not have homework—HE needs to do homework, because that’s what HE needs to do to be successful in life. The constant tutoring, working with him, fighting with him, is exhausting.

To know I have to do it with another child is paralyzing to me. To my unprofessional eye, my DD is not as severe, but I see it. The inability to know letters and sounds we have worked on for 4 years, the inability rhyme, the inability to grasp directions right/left In dance, horrible understanding of time. She’s highly verbal though, very emotional.

If I had known how bad DS would struggle, I know it sounds extreme, but I would not have had my DD. It’s way too much for me personally.
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