Homeschooling anxiety. I don't know if I can do this.

[AllyCat457]

Right now, I'm sitting in the waiting room at the physical therapist while my daughter is having her session. Only possible because we homeschool, otherwise it would mean missing a morning each week, and also a morning for occupational, & another for ABA therapy.
This morning, I watched the rest of the little ones board the bus on the corner, and it hit me in the heart. Lexi should be getting on that bus too. This was never in our plans. She stood beside me, little hand wrapped around mine, and pointed at the bus. Looked up at me with this look like, "why not me, mommy?"
Why not, indeed, little one.
We tried last year. We really did. it was hard but we made it. This year, they want her in a room with 13 & 14 year olds because our local school is k-8 & keeps all special education children together. Lexi is largely no verbal and came home last year with scratches, and bruises where another child grabbed her. That was before they combined the grades. We looked into private schools, special education programs. Unfortunatly we live in a very rural area where everything worth pursuing would mean moving 3-4 hours away and we just cannot afford to pick up and move right now.
So we made the choice to homeschool.
It's not been an easy choice. It means putting my career on hold, it means putting her education squarely on my shoulders.
Im scared to death. I don't know if I have what it takes to teach her. I don't want to shelter her, but also know the reality is that autistic children are more vulnerable to abuse. Her teachers are over worked, the school is understaffed. She sat and did worksheets all last year. She only received half of the services she was due because of staff shortages. Her medications were neglected, it was just everything.
I don't want to do this and realize I totally screwed up 5 years down the road.
I'm doing this for her because I want the very best for her, so why do I feel like the worst mother because I'm not putting her on that bus?

[Anonymous 1]

It sounds like you’re doing what’s best for her. Severely autistic kids really have no business in public schools, laws be damned. You know what she needs and over-crowded, under-funded public schools aren’t going to give it to her.

[Valentina327]

I can see why you're sad, about what she's missing out on. But you are absolutely doing what's best for her, to INSURE that 5 years down the road she has a strong education which she wouldn't have had if you left her in public school. Good luck momma❤

[Anonymous 2]

When our kids struggle, we hurt for them. I'm sorry for her struggles and for your hurt.

It's good that she has you in her corner.

That's all I really feel qualified to say.

Hugs to you, mama bear.

[Inmybizz]

Was it just the one incident with the other child?
How did the school handle the situation?

When I looked into homeschooling I found these organizations helpful for resources- National Home school Association & HSLDA. I also joined a local HS group in my area which was helpful because the group had seasoned HS parents with lots of knowledge. Also look into part time HS and regular school.

[Deleted User 1393]

Change is hard for many of us.
Good luck to you and your family.

[caustib]

Look for homeschool co-ops, or maybe putting your energy into starting one would help with your feelings of guilt?

[agander2017]

I think you feel bad, because you want her to be just like the other children. And that's normal. That's what we all want. Our children to have those normal experiences.

It sounds like the best thing for your daughter is to be homeschooled. She wasn't getting attention she needed at school, and she's going to struggle because of that later in life if you don't do something about it now.

I can't begin to imagine how hard it would be for you, but I believe you are doing the right thing. Stay strong, Mama!

[cellomom26]

You sound like a great mom.

Your daughter is so very lucky to have you.

I know it seems so hard now, but I bet in a few years that your daughter will have learned so much from you.

[LiveWhatULove]

I am sorry, I wish you the best of luck. I can't imagine how overwhelming that would be.

I know you have probably thought this through a lot. I am not doubting you, questioning you, or writing this to be upsupportive. I am just really pissed off. Based on what you have stated, the school has likely violated the requirements of providing the LRE for your DD. Funding or not, abuse? restriction in a classroom with age inappropriate peers? is NOT right. You can seek legal representation with the school if you felt they are not providing your child with an adequate educational experience.

My main concern, when I see this type of situation occur, is smart, intelligent women withdraw form the workforce. I respect this, and want women to have autonomy. But at the end of the, I want it to be voluntary, not because, as in your situation there was no other option.

Is putting your career on hold the best thing for your family in 5 years? Will you need to be in a financial place in several years to move those 3-4 hours for more tutoring and therapies? You may have more resources from insurance with an official ASD diagnosis, but raising a child with unique academic needs is extremely expensive. I don't want you to fall into a trap.

Best of luck, maybe this year is what you need, but just think about the long-term journey, don't let the school screw your family. Because it's not just you, it's multiple families that need assistance.