My daughter tried to shoplift today ***UPDATE***

[LuckyEightWow]

Jesus, she’s 9 and made a mistake that was an extreme reaction to a first time offense, but I clearly parent much different then most of these women....now. I’ve learned it’s not as necessary with age, that I can have good, upstanding kids who will turn into good upstanding adults without crazy over reactions or long winded explanations.

[Anonymous 5]

Good for you for nipping it in the bud and hopefully she learns.

I grew up with my brother who is a thief. My parents didn't care that he stole from anyone in the house, and it sucked having to hide money and valuables so he didn't steal them. It wouldn't even be something he wanted, he took it just to take it. He is now an adult who steals and has been in jail for it.

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

I love this post.

It really highlights how values and priorities can conflict in real practice.

Of course, to me, what to do here is absolutely clear.
I am a big believer in keeping the confidences of those who tell you stuff about your kids, including those of family members, parents of other kids, and even your own other kids. If they tell you something, you can't throw them under the bus or they'll never tell you stuff again. Also...and this is a big deal...if you don't keep the confidence then your kid will probably find out and then will not trust you to keep her confidences.

Me...I'd have never, ever told her what your sister said. But I would go out into the world with the child over the next few weeks and set her up to catch her shoplifting myself. And then BA-BOOM!

[Anonymous 6]

Your sister should not have made the promise and if she was going to make a promise, she shouldn't have reneged on that promise.

To fix this, she should call your daughter and tell her, "I should not have agreed to keep this from your mom. Please promise me that you will speak with your mom about what happened because I know that she would want you to."

[Anonymous 7]

I think you did good not blowing your top at her and also not letting it slide. I hope she really takes to heart your discussion. Everyone parents differently and you did what felt right to you.

[Linda_Runs]

I think you did a great job in dealing with her. You kept your cool, then took a while to decide what was the best way to handle this for YOUR child, not the children of other moms on this forum. If she is truly sorry for what she did (not just getting caught) and the fundamental morality that was violated, that will come out over the next week while she is working off her debt during her grounding.

Good parenting in my opinion.

[Linda_Runs]

Of course you need to confront her.

How is this even a question?

Why are parents afraid to be parents? You aren't her friend you are a parent. Act like a parent.

Amen to that!

And after reading the OP's update, she acted like a parent and disciplined her child. I am not sure that I would have been as calm.

[cellomom26]

Of course you need to confront her.

How is this even a question?

Why are parents afraid to be parents? You aren't her friend you are a parent. Act like a parent.

Amen to that!

And after reading the OP's update, she acted like a parent and disciplined her child. I am not sure that I would have been as calm.

Oh, I would definitely have to be away from my son for a few hours after I found out he was stealing. It would take me awhile to calm down.

Nothing worse than a thief.

[blsdbyangel07]

I think you did a good job! Everyone parents differently and no two children are the same! Kids like adults respond to different kinds of punishment so you did what was best in your situation. You know your child better than anyone else!

The “only” thing that really bothers me though is your sister telling her she won’t tell you but then told you. She broke that trust between her niece. It’s often difficult for children to talk to their parents so sometimes they seek trust in someone else, I’m afraid this may break that bond. Obviously you have a right to know but she shouldn’t have told her that if she wasn’t going to keep her promise!

[madfoodie]

I think you handled this very well.