You can forgive and not forget.
My kids are adults
Anonymous 6 wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:42 am I'm leaning towards agreeing with all of what LiveWhatULove said.
I know you said that it wouldn't matter how many years had passed since this betrayal occurred but honestly, there does come a time when it becomes in your best interest to put this all behind you...completely. Holding onto this may undoubtedly cause you (and maybe even your kids) unnecessary anxiety on more than an occasion or two.
That said, if I were in your shoes, I would probably struggle with this, too. I will be honest and say that if my kid (the graduate) literally despises this woman, I might be inclined to consider honoring his request to not have her present. If I were you, the "ex-wife" in me might not want this woman in my house. The "me-as-a-person" part of me would just want to put this behind me and heal. The "mom" part of me would want to keep my opinions of this woman (and this man) to myself and, when necessary, would tolerate her presence (and his) as a means to teach my kids the value of doing it. The man has a new wife. It should be understood by his children, his ex, and all the people in his life that he will want his wife by his side on the happy occasions of his life. (Yes. You and anyone does have the right to exclude whomever they wish from their home.)
In your story, both this man and this woman slighted you and your kids. It's been 7 years since the slighting. It takes time to let go of the anger and hurt. Having your EX in your presence is an indication that you have healed some. My hope for you is that you heal completely and move on to complete happiness and peace. My hope for your kids is that they see how your "letting go" brought you that happiness and peace.
Remember: Your children are adults in the making. They, too, will one day be in relationships of their own. Hopefully, they will never find themselves in a relationship that causes them to be wounded as you have been. But in the event that they are, you want them to know that they have the power to heal and to be thoroughly happy and content again. Show them how it's done! What you show them now might be the only thing that allows them to one day recoup from their own heartbreak. YOUR strength, YOUR determination, and YOUR full recovery of joy and contentment might be their single source of hope that they can do it, too.
I'm sorry that this man and this woman did to you what they did. Please know that I do not judge you for any choices you've made. It is your life and you should do whatever you need to do to have the joy you deserve. I wish you and your kids the best, OP.
