Emotional abuse

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

My mother was emotionally abusive and I grew up with that crap so I didn’t know that’s what was going on with my husband.

It wasn’t until my rector pointed out what he was doing was emotional abuse did it click in my head and I started examining my relationship with my husband

I cut my mother out of my life about 10 years ago and I was in the process of divorcing the bastard when he basically killed himself in January.

Im seeing someone now and it’s eye opening to say the least. He doesn’t make comments to cut me down. He doesn’t call me a bitch, or a whore. He doesn’t use things against me. It’s so freaking weird and wonderful at the same time.

[Pjmm]

Her mil deliberately wore a black gown to her wedding, fully knowing that she wanted her to wear purple, teal or silver to match her dress... the horror of “abuse”.

not according to my therapist

What did they do?

You never got to the abuse part

Well black is the color of mourning so if my mil wore that I'd be like 'the f**k man? ' Seriously I think both are too blame for this bs, both are stuck in a vicious circle and both need to be locked in a closet until one kills the other or they bury the hatchet. That's what I got out of that. As far as emotional abuse the signs are easily found from a Google search. I've been in an abusive relationship once. I think the bil is an ass in her case but I'm not seeing emotional abuse from mil.

[Shaken1976]

My ex-husband was emotionally abusive. I am sure he still is with whoever he is with. I firmly believe he was a sociopath. He was super charming. He could make anyone believe he was perfect. Once we were married it was like a switch flipped. I figured it must be me. He had his moments where he was great. Other times, he was awful. He was a raging alcoholic, which I found out after we were married. He hid things well. We dated over a year before we were married. But, we didn't live together long before we got married.

The second time around, I lived with my husband almost a year before we got married. I needed to know. Now, while he can be a total pain in the ass, he is a great husband. I adore him. He does little things for me without me having to ask. He loves my kid like his own. He runs errands that I don't want to do. He constantly is doing things around the house. The other day, I mentioned I wanted a new laptop at some point. It will arrive on Thursday. I didn't mean now. But he knew I needed one.

When I chose to leave my ex, it was like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize how unhappy I was. I didn't realize how terrible he was until I got out. I lost friends because of him. I lost part of myself because of him. Hell, I feel if I had stayed I would have lost my dd because of him.

[Momto2boys973]

I wore black for my brother’s wedding. It was just a simple, elegant dress, no hidden messages behind it. It’s just a color.
Bit even if her mil wanted to make a statement, I’m team mil. I’d probably feel like mourning if one of my sons married a woman like that.

Her mil deliberately wore a black gown to her wedding, fully knowing that she wanted her to wear purple, teal or silver to match her dress... the horror of “abuse”.

What did they do?

You never got to the abuse part

Well black is the color of mourning so if my mil wore that I'd be like 'the f**k man? ' Seriously I think both are too blame for this bs, both are stuck in a vicious circle and both need to be locked in a closet until one kills the other or they bury the hatchet. That's what I got out of that. As far as emotional abuse the signs are easily found from a Google search. I've been in an abusive relationship once. I think the bil is an ass in her case but I'm not seeing emotional abuse from mil.

[Deleted User 172]

Been there done that.
I found my strength through God.
I had stopped believing everything when the rational, logical side of me realized I was already better than him in so so many ways.
I remember staring that asshole down, standing in the kitchen until he bowed to me.
I remember being so angry after he told me he hoped me and the baby both died that I slammed him into the hood of the stove and busted open his lip.
I remember always standing up to fight, ready and willing, because that's the only thing I do. I fight.

He tried so hard to break me, but I was the one to break him in the end.

Strength is a decision you make.

[Deleted User 172]

My ex-husband was emotionally abusive. I am sure he still is with whoever he is with. I firmly believe he was a sociopath. He was super charming. He could make anyone believe he was perfect. Once we were married it was like a switch flipped. I figured it must be me. He had his moments where he was great. Other times, he was awful. He was a raging alcoholic, which I found out after we were married. He hid things well. We dated over a year before we were married. But, we didn't live together long before we got married.

The second time around, I lived with my husband almost a year before we got married. I needed to know. Now, while he can be a total pain in the ass, he is a great husband. I adore him. He does little things for me without me having to ask. He loves my kid like his own. He runs errands that I don't want to do. He constantly is doing things around the house. The other day, I mentioned I wanted a new laptop at some point. It will arrive on Thursday. I didn't mean now. But he knew I needed one.

When I chose to leave my ex, it was like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize how unhappy I was. I didn't realize how terrible he was until I got out. I lost friends because of him. I lost part of myself because of him. Hell, I feel if I had stayed I would have lost my dd because of him.

I'm sorry to hear that about the ex. My ex was a lot like that, just he developed the alcoholism throughout our marriage. It slowly got worse and so did he.
That's when the emotional abuse started. He got more addicted and suddenly no matter what I did it wasn't good enough.
Tried to help him but after so many times it's time to throw in the towel.
I had emotionally checked out of my marriage long long before I ever left him. He had no affect on me whatsoever. The only reason I stayed was trying to keep the family together.
I walked away from him, got him arrested and divorced him while he was in jail.
He's now living on the streets, still an alcoholic. Hasn't seen the kids in almost 2 years now.

However, if I could go back and do it all again i wouldn't change a thing.

[Bubbs]

My ex-husband was emotionally abusive. I am sure he still is with whoever he is with. I firmly believe he was a sociopath. He was super charming. He could make anyone believe he was perfect. Once we were married it was like a switch flipped. I figured it must be me. He had his moments where he was great. Other times, he was awful. He was a raging alcoholic, which I found out after we were married. He hid things well. We dated over a year before we were married. But, we didn't live together long before we got married.

The second time around, I lived with my husband almost a year before we got married. I needed to know. Now, while he can be a total pain in the ass, he is a great husband. I adore him. He does little things for me without me having to ask. He loves my kid like his own. He runs errands that I don't want to do. He constantly is doing things around the house. The other day, I mentioned I wanted a new laptop at some point. It will arrive on Thursday. I didn't mean now. But he knew I needed one.

When I chose to leave my ex, it was like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize how unhappy I was. I didn't realize how terrible he was until I got out. I lost friends because of him. I lost part of myself because of him. Hell, I feel if I had stayed I would have lost my dd because of him.

I'm sorry to hear that about the ex. My ex was a lot like that, just he developed the alcoholism throughout our marriage. It slowly got worse and so did he.
That's when the emotional abuse started. He got more addicted and suddenly no matter what I did it wasn't good enough.
Tried to help him but after so many times it's time to throw in the towel.
I had emotionally checked out of my marriage long long before I ever left him. He had no affect on me whatsoever. The only reason I stayed was trying to keep the family together.
I walked away from him, got him arrested and divorced him while he was in jail.
He's now living on the streets, still an alcoholic. Hasn't seen the kids in almost 2 years now.

However, if I could go back and do it all again i wouldn't change a thing.

I wish I had your great attitude about it. I want to change everything. I have made so many mistakes. I wasted so much time, put my kids through so much unnecessary garbage. Because I was an idiot.

[Deleted User 172]

My ex-husband was emotionally abusive. I am sure he still is with whoever he is with. I firmly believe he was a sociopath. He was super charming. He could make anyone believe he was perfect. Once we were married it was like a switch flipped. I figured it must be me. He had his moments where he was great. Other times, he was awful. He was a raging alcoholic, which I found out after we were married. He hid things well. We dated over a year before we were married. But, we didn't live together long before we got married.

The second time around, I lived with my husband almost a year before we got married. I needed to know. Now, while he can be a total pain in the ass, he is a great husband. I adore him. He does little things for me without me having to ask. He loves my kid like his own. He runs errands that I don't want to do. He constantly is doing things around the house. The other day, I mentioned I wanted a new laptop at some point. It will arrive on Thursday. I didn't mean now. But he knew I needed one.

When I chose to leave my ex, it was like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize how unhappy I was. I didn't realize how terrible he was until I got out. I lost friends because of him. I lost part of myself because of him. Hell, I feel if I had stayed I would have lost my dd because of him.

I'm sorry to hear that about the ex. My ex was a lot like that, just he developed the alcoholism throughout our marriage. It slowly got worse and so did he.
That's when the emotional abuse started. He got more addicted and suddenly no matter what I did it wasn't good enough.
Tried to help him but after so many times it's time to throw in the towel.
I had emotionally checked out of my marriage long long before I ever left him. He had no affect on me whatsoever. The only reason I stayed was trying to keep the family together.
I walked away from him, got him arrested and divorced him while he was in jail.
He's now living on the streets, still an alcoholic. Hasn't seen the kids in almost 2 years now.

However, if I could go back and do it all again i wouldn't change a thing.

I wish I had your great attitude about it. I want to change everything. I have made so many mistakes. I wasted so much time, put my kids through so much unnecessary garbage. Because I was an idiot.

It wasn't wasted time. It was character building for both you and your kids. The person you are today is due to who you were back then. Guaranteed you're stronger now than the woman who first married him.
Also. It's ok to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them. So learn from them.
That old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true.

I'll never lift a finger to help him or harm him again.

[LiveWhatULove]

I think there are differing severities of emotional harm or abuse from families or loved ones. But in the end, it is not a contest. Any amount has the potential to cause distress.

[Bubbs]

I'm sorry to hear that about the ex. My ex was a lot like that, just he developed the alcoholism throughout our marriage. It slowly got worse and so did he.
That's when the emotional abuse started. He got more addicted and suddenly no matter what I did it wasn't good enough.
Tried to help him but after so many times it's time to throw in the towel.
I had emotionally checked out of my marriage long long before I ever left him. He had no affect on me whatsoever. The only reason I stayed was trying to keep the family together.
I walked away from him, got him arrested and divorced him while he was in jail.
He's now living on the streets, still an alcoholic. Hasn't seen the kids in almost 2 years now.

However, if I could go back and do it all again i wouldn't change a thing.

I wish I had your great attitude about it. I want to change everything. I have made so many mistakes. I wasted so much time, put my kids through so much unnecessary garbage. Because I was an idiot.

It wasn't wasted time. It was character building for both you and your kids. The person you are today is due to who you were back then. Guaranteed you're stronger now than the woman who first married him.
Also. It's ok to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them. So learn from them.
That old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true.

I'll never lift a finger to help him or harm him again.

That is true, I am stronger and smarter. I’ve learned a lot about people and am a lot less naive than I was. A lot more fearful, but I know that will go away with time.