insisting kids only go 2 and a half hours away from college or less

[mater-three]

Unless you are personally involved in the family(and it’s obvious you’re not), you should not assume anything. That’s all I have to say.

[Traci_Momof2]

I think the only way a parent would be able to have a rule like that is if they are paying for everything. But even at that it's still pretty shitty to limit their choices just based on being too far away.

And if the parent is not paying then the kid needs to stand up and say "screw you, I'm an adult now, I'll go where I want to go".

Mom and Dad need to learn they don't get to control their kids' lives forever. It stops after high school.

[Valentina327]

We homeschool and will not allow a 16 year old to live in a dorm. They have to do our "community college" for the first year. The campus is 15 minutes away and do not require those that live within a certain mileage to live in the dorms. We know this because we have friends that have kids that are going there as freshman now that live as close as we do. After they get their first year completed at the community college, they will apply for other schools and scholarships.

The only rules we have in regards to college is: Their first year they have to live at home as we don't think they should be in a dorm at 16-17 years old with 20+ year olds. They have to work hard and attempt to get scholarships. We would prefer they go in state due to costs unless they get a full ride.

You do realize that is going to hold them back though possibly? A lot of universities are now requiring all freshman to live on campus. Our local college I graduated from has this rule. So you have to either do community college for freshman year or live on campus. Living off campus is not allowed.

And if they got a full ride scholarship for 4 years with housing-I am pretty sure they have to use it or lose it.

I would be more willing to do a gap year for them then have them turn down scholarships.

Wow! They're graduating at 16 through the homeschooling? That's awesome!

[Anonymous 7]

Whatever your reasons are, there's nothing wrong with sending your kids to their local community college.

I'm sure you probably already know this; but when your child gets to the age when he is narrowing down his ULTIMATE college choice (the one that he wants his degree from), ask that college if they have an "agreement" with any local community college. By doing that, you will insure that ALL credits earned at the community college will transfer (and COUNT TOWARDS) his major at his ULTIMATE college. KWIM?

Where I live, we have 2 very prestigious colleges. The competition between them to own the local market was so stiff that they both entered into agreements with one of our local community colleges. Kids who have chosen ONE OF THOSE TWO PRESTIGIOUS COLLEGES but did their 1st two years at the community college did save a LOT of money. And for some of them, staying at home the first year or two did wonders for their confidence level when they finally stepped foot onto the campus of their ULTIMATE college.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you're considering doing. Another thing that parents need to think about is this: You can have the brightest kid; but he may not be emotionally ready to go to "the big school." If a parent has the slightest inclination that his kid may not be ready for it, it is best to do precisely what you're considering. Sending a kid away to the "big school" or even a little one out of town, may be the perfect recipe for him withdrawing by the end of his freshman first semester. Conversely, if the kid seems emotionally ready to be at a college that is distant from home and the parents can afford it, I think the kid should be permitted to fly.

We homeschool and will not allow a 16 year old to live in a dorm. They have to do our "community college" for the first year. The campus is 15 minutes away and do not require those that live within a certain mileage to live in the dorms. We know this because we have friends that have kids that are going there as freshman now that live as close as we do. After they get their first year completed at the community college, they will apply for other schools and scholarships.

The only rules we have in regards to college is: Their first year they have to live at home as we don't think they should be in a dorm at 16-17 years old with 20+ year olds. They have to work hard and attempt to get scholarships. We would prefer they go in state due to costs unless they get a full ride.

You do realize that is going to hold them back though possibly? A lot of universities are now requiring all freshman to live on campus. Our local college I graduated from has this rule. So you have to either do community college for freshman year or live on campus. Living off campus is not allowed.

And if they got a full ride scholarship for 4 years with housing-I am pretty sure they have to use it or lose it.

I would be more willing to do a gap year for them then have them turn down scholarships.

[Traci_Momof2]

I work in an academic setting and my views have changed dramatically over the years on this topic.
I do not believe, in 95% of cases, the college determines a student’s success. There are published scholars, researchers, and those leading STEM fields or liberal arts who literally started at a community college and finished at a local state uni. In fact, I have actually seen more success when a high ability student is in a lesser known university than in the heavy competition of IVY league. So I have no issues with attending college close to home.

Or in other words, the prestige or pride of IVY league schools would have only slighty influence my advice or recommendation unless my child truly wants to do nothing but research for the rest of their life.

What would influence my decision, is the emotional & social maturity and problem solving skills of my child. If my child is still needing assistance and guidance I would encourage they stay closer to home. I would remind them of the benefits of such a decision, but ultimately, it’s not my decision to make. It will be my child’s and I would ultimately fully support their choice.

And therein lies the difference. I think most of us would make recommendations and encouragements towards the path we think is better. But OP is talking about her friend not giving the ultimate choice to her child, and that's the shitty part. The child is now an adult and starting their adult path. They should be able to make their own adult choice about where to go to college.

[RedBottoms]

I work in an academic setting and my views have changed dramatically over the years on this topic.
I do not believe, in 95% of cases, the college determines a student’s success. There are published scholars, researchers, and those leading STEM fields or liberal arts who literally started at a community college and finished at a local state uni. In fact, I have actually seen more success when a high ability student is in a lesser known university than in the heavy competition of IVY league. So I have no issues with attending college close to home.

Or in other words, the prestige or pride of IVY league schools would have only slighty influence my advice or recommendation unless my child truly wants to do nothing but research for the rest of their life.

What would influence my decision, is the emotional & social maturity and problem solving skills of my child. If my child is still needing assistance and guidance I would encourage they stay closer to home. I would remind them of the benefits of such a decision, but ultimately, it’s not my decision to make. It will be my child’s and I would ultimately fully support their choice.

And therein lies the difference. I think most of us would make recommendations and encouragements towards the path we think is better. But OP is talking about her friend not giving the ultimate choice to her child, and that's the shitty part. The child is now an adult and starting their adult path. They should be able to make their own adult choice about where to go to college.

well all her adult kids are different people. But she made that rule for ALL of them. So its less about the individual child and more about the mother at that point

[Anonymous 7]

I disagree.

If the kid is bright and he looks good to the college, it will not matter WHEN he starts at that college. The scholarships follow the kid. And in fact, the kid who did NOT do well in high school may actually INCREASE the scholarships offered to him by the big school by PROVING himself at the little community college! Just food for thought.

The only rules we have in regards to college is: Their first year they have to live at home as we don't think they should be in a dorm at 16-17 years old with 20+ year olds. They have to work hard and attempt to get scholarships. We would prefer they go in state due to costs unless they get a full ride.

You do realize that is going to hold them back though possibly? A lot of universities are now requiring all freshman to live on campus. Our local college I graduated from has this rule. So you have to either do community college for freshman year or live on campus. Living off campus is not allowed.

And if they got a full ride scholarship for 4 years with housing-I am pretty sure they have to use it or lose it.

I would be more willing to do a gap year for them then have them turn down scholarships.

[JoJo728]

My daughter is a college freshman so I am fresh (no pun intended) from going down this path. While it was ultimately her decision if it fit the budget, we did try to guide her to schools that were no more than 3-4 hours from home. I did so for several reasons: 1) I knew she would want to come home periodically to see/ride her horse. 2) any further, we would have to factor a higher cost for travel on holidays and breaks and 3) more for me, but I wanted to be able to get up there easily in the event of an emergency. For the record, college was funded through partial scholarship she got as well as our college savings account. So we all have a financial stake in the decision.

Ultimately, she chose a college that was 3 hours 15 minutes from our house. Great school and as it turned out, I was right about the first point. She has come home 1x/month either due to a holiday or just a long weekend to see her horse. And we did have an emergency earlier this year that required my presence. Lastly, the travel expenses/arrangements have worked out fine for us this way. Many colleges require freshmen to live on campus (and in our case, sophomores too). Yet they also close the dorms during the Thanksgiving Holiday, Christmas Break and Spring Break. Our school charges if you have to stay over (although you can't during Christmas Break). And I can't tell you how many posts on the university parent's page that I have read about travel delays for buses, airplanes and complaints about the costs. There are families that are over 6 hours away that frequently are begging for car pools, having issues with storm delays for airplanes (it is located in the Northeast so winter storms are the norm), etc. Makes me glad that for us, it is a simple car ride.

I don't think there is a hard and fast rule one way or another about telling a kid where they should go. It should be a mature conversation looking at all the facts - costs (and who is contributing) for tuition and costs for housing and travel as well as is the program the right program for the student. My DD could have gone near to home but the schools we looked at with her major just were not the right environment/fit for her. This is important to ensuring a successful college career.

[Anonymous 8]

Harvard doesn’t send letters to students asking them to apply. Did you make that one up or your friend? LOL

My son did well on his PSAT's and tons of schools have been mailing him shit, and calling to try to market their damn school.

[Anonymous 7]

I agree with this.

Also, even if your child is the brightest child in the class and might get accepted into a big name school, it doesn't mean that he would succeed at that school. You could drop an Einstein kid off at the front doors of Harvard and you just might need to pick up said kid by the end of December. A college that is a "good fit" for the kid is the best way to pick the college!

Having a high IQ and/or consistently making honor roll in high school will absolutely not guarantee that your child will get accepted OR be able to "make it" at the BIG SCHOOL.

I work in an academic setting and my views have changed dramatically over the years on this topic.
I do not believe, in 95% of cases, the college determines a student’s success. There are published scholars, researchers, and those leading STEM fields or liberal arts who literally started at a community college and finished at a local state uni. In fact, I have actually seen more success when a high ability student is in a lesser known university than in the heavy competition of IVY league. So I have no issues with attending college close to home.

Or in other words, the prestige or pride of IVY league schools would have only slighty influence my advice or recommendation unless my child truly wants to do nothing but research for the rest of their life.

What would influence my decision, is the emotional & social maturity and problem solving skills of my child. If my child is still needing assistance and guidance I would encourage they stay closer to home. I would remind them of the benefits of such a decision, but ultimately, it’s not my decision to make. It will be my child’s and I would ultimately fully support their choice.