Here's my story sorry its long Any Advice?

[JD80]

I married a selfish, manipulative, gaslighting, narciscistic, serial cheating, pathological liar, who was also good looking, charming, intelligent, charismatic and successful. And deep down an immature little boy. Textbook. Yet I fell quick and hard.

14 years of disapointments and emotional scars and 2 kids later, I found out he was having an affair. Not the usual flings that I know but can't prove so he lies and denies...this was a whole relationship for two years. (His company flies him all over the country, so he is only home half a month each month. Thats how we lived for years.)

When I confronted him, he didn't deny, beg or apologize. He just stopped coming home altogether.

I couldn't take it so I abrubtly bought a house 700 miles away and left. He never expected me to do that in a million years. But just a couple weeks after I left, he moved her and her children into our home. I never expected that.

Afterwards he was miserable and so was I but he never made any real effort to repair us and I was gettting stronger and adjusting to living on my own with the kids.

He lived with her and her kids for a year and half and then evicted them... He says its because he loves me and the kids. He never thought I would actually leave and would do anything to get us back. That was a year and half ago. We talk on the phone, text everyday, but don't see each other because of distance and because I don't want to expose the kids to possibly another devasting hurt.

I feel like maybe he's changed. He sounds so different than he has in years. And contrite. And beaten down. I love him. The kids love him. I do enjoy being independant. I even dated a little. But I miss him more than I want to admit. I'm contemplating going home and I actually get excited.

School ends in June. He wants us to come home for the summer (like a trial period) and hopefully stay for good by the time school starts.

How do I know if I can trust it? I don't ever want to be that fool again. The children and I have been through so much. My head really does say one thing and my heart feels another.

[LuckyEightWow]

You can’t. He won’t change. Move on with life.

[JD80]

You can’t. He won’t change. Move on with life.

You really don't think someone can if they truly wanted to?

[Anonymous 1]

This is probably bad advice. But I always say, "Follow your head...NOT your heart."

If he (and you) wants a "trial period" this summer, have him do the moving your way. And I wouldn't have him move in. I'd have him have his own place.

[JD80]

This is probably bad advice. But I always say, "Follow your head...NOT your heart."

If he (and you) wants a "trial period" this summer, have him do the moving your way. And I wouldn't have him move in. I'd have him have his own place.

That's really good advice but in our case its not possible. We would have to go back.

[carterscutie85]

You could move back, then he could take your kids and run.

This is exactly (minus the kids part) what happened to my Mom. Left her DH, stayed separated for years. Then he got sick and no one would take care of him so she started caring for him. She got sucked back into him and everything was great for a while until it wasn't and he went right back to how he was. It was then she knew she could never truly go back with him and live with him. He ended up passing away about a year after they started talking again.

[JD80]

You could move back, then he could take your kids and run.

This is exactly (minus the kids part) what happened to my Mom. Left her DH, stayed separated for years. Then he got sick and no one would take care of him so she started caring for him. She got sucked back into him and everything was great for a while until it wasn't and he went right back to how he was. It was then she knew she could never truly go back with him and live with him. He ended up passing away about a year after they started talking again.

I'm sorry your mom went through that.
The running with the kids thing won't happen, believe me, but its the getting sucked back him and him going back to his old ways that's worries me. I know how he is, I already lived it. But he does sound different this time. Or do I just want to believe? kwim

[Anonymous 2]

Oh yeah, you definitely need to go back for a second helping of that.

[mojogirl]

Guess the new chick didn't buy into his lying and manipulation as easy as you did.

[Anonymous 1]

Consider how very good you feel at this very place in time.

Are you willing to risk losing that only to find that he's the same old same old?

You could move back, then he could take your kids and run.

This is exactly (minus the kids part) what happened to my Mom. Left her DH, stayed separated for years. Then he got sick and no one would take care of him so she started caring for him. She got sucked back into him and everything was great for a while until it wasn't and he went right back to how he was. It was then she knew she could never truly go back with him and live with him. He ended up passing away about a year after they started talking again.

I'm sorry your mom went through that.
The running with the kids thing won't happen, believe me, but its the getting sucked back him and him going back to his old ways that's worries me. I know how he is, I already lived it. But he does sound different this time. Or do I just want to believe? kwim