Something I dont understand

CandTmom
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Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:27 am

RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:50 am
CandTmom wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:30 pm
Anonymous 3 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:27 pm
The only way I might be upset about them going away would be if MIL had promised to help me with the baby and I had been depending on that help. But that would never happen in my case because I wouldn't be asking for help. I loved being left alone in the days immediately following the births of my kids.
I've never understood needing help with a baby.
really? Not all babies are the same. A baby with colic or reflux or a preemie or a special needs child will cry 24/7 pretty much. A mother that had a c section or tore really badly may not be able to barely even move. A single mother with no father around.

A woman that is trying to breastfeed or pump but its not going well.

I was trying to pump because my babies were not nursing probably due to prematurity. They had a weak suck. So I was trying to feed two babies and change two babies and still have time to pump and my flow was bad so pumping took like 45 minutes. DS 2 had reflux so he was constantly soaking everyone and everything in spit up and constantly crying.

You don't understand why I would have wanted some help?
I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.
Rebeccaraev2
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Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:47 am

RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:52 am
Rebeccaraev2 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:36 pm
CandTmom wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:30 pm


I've never understood needing help with a baby.
Same. Multiples I guess I could understand, that's a handful. A regular birth and singleton though? Not really. I had a friend try to schedule her own meal train and mothers help for the weeks following the birth of her second. No one signed up.
maybe this is why people like me. I always bring a meal to a new mother. I don't care if its just one easy baby. I also offer to take her older kids out to the park or something to entertain them for her for several hours. I also offer to run to the store for her if she needs anything.
Okay but that's you and your choice. Expecting others to do it for a few WEEKS, on a schedule, is a bit much.
RedBottoms

Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:01 am

Rebeccaraev2 wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:47 am
RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:52 am
Rebeccaraev2 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:36 pm


Same. Multiples I guess I could understand, that's a handful. A regular birth and singleton though? Not really. I had a friend try to schedule her own meal train and mothers help for the weeks following the birth of her second. No one signed up.
maybe this is why people like me. I always bring a meal to a new mother. I don't care if its just one easy baby. I also offer to take her older kids out to the park or something to entertain them for her for several hours. I also offer to run to the store for her if she needs anything.
Okay but that's you and your choice. Expecting others to do it for a few WEEKS, on a schedule, is a bit much.
I don't think you should "Expect" anything. You can ask. I believe in the mantra that if you need help-don't be afraid to ask. And your loved ones should be willing to help in most cases.
RedBottoms

Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:04 am

CandTmom wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:27 am
RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:50 am
CandTmom wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:30 pm


I've never understood needing help with a baby.
really? Not all babies are the same. A baby with colic or reflux or a preemie or a special needs child will cry 24/7 pretty much. A mother that had a c section or tore really badly may not be able to barely even move. A single mother with no father around.

A woman that is trying to breastfeed or pump but its not going well.

I was trying to pump because my babies were not nursing probably due to prematurity. They had a weak suck. So I was trying to feed two babies and change two babies and still have time to pump and my flow was bad so pumping took like 45 minutes. DS 2 had reflux so he was constantly soaking everyone and everything in spit up and constantly crying.

You don't understand why I would have wanted some help?
I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.
That is not how the human race was started. Back to the times of cavemen- humans roamed in packs and people had help. It was the only way they survived. Its okay to ask for help. What you are doing is not helpful to women who have post partum depression or other struggles to shame them for asking/wanting some help. There is nothing wrong with it.

Now if they abuse the help-that is one thing. But nothing shameful whatsoever in asking for some help either.
Msprekteacher
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Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:07 am

100% agree here!

On the flip side you have DILs who complain when their in-laws want to be involved—so they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t!

QuantumNursing wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:17 pm
Another discussion on Reddit...A woman is upset because her in laws are going on vacation 2 weeks after her due date....


Why in the hell should her due date have anything to do with someone elses vacation plans? It doesnt mean anything. It doesnt mean you arwnt important to them or they dont care about you. It means they went on vacation.

I dont understand the entitlement of people today.
CandTmom
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Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:15 am

RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:04 am
CandTmom wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:27 am
RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:50 am


really? Not all babies are the same. A baby with colic or reflux or a preemie or a special needs child will cry 24/7 pretty much. A mother that had a c section or tore really badly may not be able to barely even move. A single mother with no father around.

A woman that is trying to breastfeed or pump but its not going well.

I was trying to pump because my babies were not nursing probably due to prematurity. They had a weak suck. So I was trying to feed two babies and change two babies and still have time to pump and my flow was bad so pumping took like 45 minutes. DS 2 had reflux so he was constantly soaking everyone and everything in spit up and constantly crying.

You don't understand why I would have wanted some help?
I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.
That is not how the human race was started. Back to the times of cavemen- humans roamed in packs and people had help. It was the only way they survived. Its okay to ask for help. What you are doing is not helpful to women who have post partum depression or other struggles to shame them for asking/wanting some help. There is nothing wrong with it.

Now if they abuse the help-that is one thing. But nothing shameful whatsoever in asking for some help either.
I'm allowed my opinion. I didn't shame anyone with a mental illness or struggle. Colic, breastfeeding issues and having a csection aren't mental health issues.

That comment is funny coming from you though. You are the most judgmental and unkind person here.

I'm done replying to you. You have your opinion and I have mine.
RedBottoms

Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:25 am

CandTmom wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:15 am
RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:04 am
CandTmom wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:27 am


I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.
That is not how the human race was started. Back to the times of cavemen- humans roamed in packs and people had help. It was the only way they survived. Its okay to ask for help. What you are doing is not helpful to women who have post partum depression or other struggles to shame them for asking/wanting some help. There is nothing wrong with it.

Now if they abuse the help-that is one thing. But nothing shameful whatsoever in asking for some help either.
I'm allowed my opinion. I didn't shame anyone with a mental illness or struggle. Colic, breastfeeding issues and having a csection aren't mental health issues.

That comment is funny coming from you though. You are the most judgmental and unkind person here.

I'm done replying to you. You have your opinion and I have mine.
I am very kind and understanding on some issues. This is one of them. After seeing Andrea Yates drown those precious babies because she was struggling and overwhelmed and NO ONE WOULD HELP HER-well I never want another mother to feel like that is their only option. So if a mother asks me for help-she WILL get it from me. As long as she is not taking advantage.

Moms don't even have to ask me for help-I offer it on my own right away.
QuantumNursing
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Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:28 am

Msprekteacher wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:07 am
100% agree here!

On the flip side you have DILs who complain when their in-laws want to be involved—so they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t!

QuantumNursing wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:17 pm
Another discussion on Reddit...A woman is upset because her in laws are going on vacation 2 weeks after her due date....


Why in the hell should her due date have anything to do with someone elses vacation plans? It doesnt mean anything. It doesnt mean you arwnt important to them or they dont care about you. It means they went on vacation.

I dont understand the entitlement of people today.
Absolutely and they should complain if the grandparents are being overbearing. There is a difference between being involved and being overbearing. Unfortunately that line is different for every mom
QuantumNursing
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Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 9:05 am

Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:32 am

RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:52 am
Rebeccaraev2 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:36 pm
CandTmom wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:30 pm


I've never understood needing help with a baby.
Same. Multiples I guess I could understand, that's a handful. A regular birth and singleton though? Not really. I had a friend try to schedule her own meal train and mothers help for the weeks following the birth of her second. No one signed up.
maybe this is why people like me. I always bring a meal to a new mother. I don't care if its just one easy baby. I also offer to take her older kids out to the park or something to entertain them for her for several hours. I also offer to run to the store for her if she needs anything.


If you were to.show up.at my door with food I would slam the door in your face,throw your your food out and in no way in he'll would you be taking ANY of my children anywhere.
RedBottoms

Unread post Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:36 am

QuantumNursing wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:32 am
RedBottoms wrote:
Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:52 am
Rebeccaraev2 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 7:36 pm


Same. Multiples I guess I could understand, that's a handful. A regular birth and singleton though? Not really. I had a friend try to schedule her own meal train and mothers help for the weeks following the birth of her second. No one signed up.
maybe this is why people like me. I always bring a meal to a new mother. I don't care if its just one easy baby. I also offer to take her older kids out to the park or something to entertain them for her for several hours. I also offer to run to the store for her if she needs anything.


If you were to.show up.at my door with food I would slam the door in your face,throw your your food out and in no way in he'll would you be taking ANY of my children anywhere.
bwahahahaha okay

I probably would not do it for YOU. I only do it for my friends.

I always check with them first obviously. I don't just show up.

So far everyone has taken me up on it. They don't always have me babysit but they always take the food. And they usually have me in and let me hold the baby too. Good times.
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