What can I do....Help/advice please!

[AnakinVader]

I am at a loss right now.

I posted a couple of weeks ago how grandma went crazy and kicked my kids (12,11 and 9) out of her house (the kids lived there with their dad) and told us to get the f**k out of her house and never come back.

Okay fine, The kids have still seen their dad , just not allowed at the house and he picks them up hours late and brings them back hours early.

He got an apartment and is moving in next week.


Well yesterday they were at grandma's packing (grandma was out of town) when I get a call from DD12 to pick them up that DAD didn't want them there any more.

He took them about 1230 and expected them to pack all day until 5 PM, he yelled at them and finally when they didn't do enough for his liking, he told them he doesn't even want them there anymore and doesn't want them in HIS new apartment. He also told them he was not going to pick them up today (I work and it's his day with them)..Luckily my dad will take them today. Then he starts screaming that they have my work ethic and don't want to work....He thinks I have a useless job (I have worked the same job for 14 years, a cashier at a grocery store...Because I have worked there so long I can pretty much do what I want with my schedule) Yes I only work part time, but that helps in not having to pay child care and being able to take the kids to appointments and extracurricular activities, that he never takes them to even if they are on his days off.

The older ones are starting not to want to be around dad at all, and the 9 year old is heartbroken that her dad is acting like this (she has always been a daddies girl). She was so upset last night that she had to sleep with me because "she wanted her daddy"

I realize I am going to have to take this to court, and I will but that is going to take a while to get a court date....

What do/can I do in the mean time.... I don't want to send them to him if he is going to act like this every time, but I don't want to be accused of keeping the kids away from him either (and DD9 seems to think it's my fault she can't see daddy like she used to and that I won't let them go over today)

[Deleted User 670]

Sounds like your ex and his mother are both psychos. You're not keeping them from him if he refuses visitation.

[Danesmommy1]

I'm so grateful for my boring life.

They're nuts, don't leave your kids with either of them.

[AnakinVader]

I'm so grateful for my boring life.

They're nuts, don't leave you kids with either of them.

I don't want to at all, but Sunday is Fathers day, and he already is telling me he is coming to get them. By court order that is his day....But I am sure if I send them I will get a phone call from DD to come get them.

[lunarprancer]

I'm so grateful for my boring life.

They're nuts, don't leave you kids with either of them.

I don't want to at all, but Sunday is Fathers day, and he already is telling me he is coming to get them. By court order that is his day....But I am sure if I send them I will get a phone call from DD to come get them.

Is there a way for you to record or get in writing (say a text from him) when he tells them to get out or whatever he rants about?

[LiveWhatULove]

That sounds so stressful. Sorry this is long.

First thing, I would do is (don't hate me) but likely try to provide some rationalization for your crazy ass ex's behavior. Something like, "kids (especially your 9yo), when we get stressed with new situations, money, moving, etc. sometimes our body, specifically our minds sort of go into this survival mode and we stop using the front part of our brains. It happens to the best of us sometimes, like when you guys threw tantrums when you were little! So your dad is obviously saying things and behaving erratically with all the stress in his life with moving and Grandma getting upset. No, it's not right, but he certainly doesn't mean those things and adults make mistakes too. He loves you and knows you are good kids!! He may just need a break right now." I would do this not for him, but to try to lessen the damage to their self-esteem, from some asshole comments. AND really if he is usually not like this, then it is likely true.

Second, I would rally my support, finances and get arrangements for my kids while I worked.

Third, I would contact the ex, and say, "The children told me they did not feel welcome at your place, so would you like me to keep them for the next 2 weeks, while you get settled? After that time I will call you to see how you are feeling about the kids."

I would not threaten him with court.
I would not accuse him of being an ass, even though he totally is one.
I would be worried of more attacks or violence if I caused him more stress, because he seems to be pretty damn unstable.
So pretty much my whole goal would be about keeping my children safe and as emotionally well as possible, until he calmed the F down.

[Pjmm]

Explain to the nine year old you're concerned about dads behavior and acknowledge she's upset. She can't be angry at him so you're elected because you're there. If he refuses I'd say fine you explain it to the kids because I'm not the bad guy here.

[AnakinVader]

I'm so grateful for my boring life.

They're nuts, don't leave you kids with either of them.

I don't want to at all, but Sunday is Fathers day, and he already is telling me he is coming to get them. By court order that is his day....But I am sure if I send them I will get a phone call from DD to come get them.

Is there a way for you to record or get in writing (say a text from him) when he tells them to get out or whatever he rants about?

I have texts from DD, but I guess I am going to have to start going only through text/messenger with him, because it's getting beyond crazy the way he acts.

[lunarprancer]

I don't want to at all, but Sunday is Fathers day, and he already is telling me he is coming to get them. By court order that is his day....But I am sure if I send them I will get a phone call from DD to come get them.

Is there a way for you to record or get in writing (say a text from him) when he tells them to get out or whatever he rants about?

I have texts from DD, but I guess I am going to have to start going only through text/messenger with him, because it's getting beyond crazy the way he acts.

I think you should do that and once you have him saying that he doesn't want them there, bam, they don't go. I mean that's what I would do.

[AnakinVader]

That sounds so stressful. Sorry this is long.

First thing, I would do is (don't hate me) but likely try to provide some rationalization for your crazy ass ex's behavior. Something like, "kids (especially your 9yo), when we get stressed with new situations, money, moving, etc. sometimes our body, specifically our minds sort of go into this survival mode and we stop using the front part of our brains. It happens to the best of us sometimes, like when you guys threw tantrums when you were little! So your dad is obviously saying things and behaving erratically with all the stress in his life with moving and Grandma getting upset. No, it's not right, but he certainly doesn't mean those things and adults make mistakes too. He loves you and knows you are good kids!! He may just need a break right now." I would do this not for him, but to try to lessen the damage to their self-esteem, from some asshole comments. AND really if he is usually not like this, then it is likely true.

Second, I would rally my support, finances and get arrangements for my kids while I worked.

Third, I would contact the ex, and say, "The children told me they did not feel welcome at your place, so would you like me to keep them for the next 2 weeks, while you get settled? After that time I will call you to see how you are feeling about the kids."

I would not threaten him with court.
I would not accuse him of being an ass, even though he totally is one.
I would be worried of more attacks or violence if I caused him more stress, because he seems to be pretty damn unstable.
So pretty much my whole goal would be about keeping my children safe and as emotionally well as possible, until he calmed the F down.

It's really not an issue about getting someone to watch the kids while I work, my dad is retired and will watch them everyday if I asked, my mom only works 2 days a week and my brother is off nights. So that's really a non issue.

I talked to the 9 year old and told her that I am not trying to keep her away from her dad, but if he says you can't be there then, you have to stay with me or go with Big Pa (my dad). She is still upset and wants to be with her dad because she loves him. The other 2 just flat out are done with him, while this is the first time he kicked them out, it's not the first time he has screamed an yelled at them.

He wouldn't go for me keeping them for 2 weeks, I know he would call the police and cause a huge scene over it. Especially on Sunday for fathers day. Not that I am not willing to deal with that for the kids. I just am so confused and hurt for my kids sake.