Moms with 1 kid only HELP!

[Momof1]

I would like to talk with moms who have and will only have 1 child.

Or moms who are an only child themself.

Iam blessed to have the 1 child i do have. And extremely thankful that iam his mom.

I have endometriosis and he is my only child.
I will never be able to have any more bio kids.

When he was 2-7 yrs old, whenever other people would ask him if he wanted a brother or sister he would say no. And also say he liked being an only child.

Hes almost 9yrs old now, recently hes been saying how he wishes he had a brother or sister and has even asked if we can adopt.

To be honest, i personally have no issues adopting. My son has mentioned it to me a handful of times, and weve spoke openly about it.

He says he would like for us to adopt a child close to his age, so they can be close and grow up together and play.

But my husband is NOT on board with adoption or fostering. So for now its not even an option.

My question is for those who have only 1 child, child is old enough to realize & understand that there will be no siblings or moms who were an only child.

Has it effected your child or yourself in any negative way and if so how?

Do you have any advice, tips or direction?

I have him signed up for soccer every season through the local county ( since he was 3)
During the summer i sign him up for the summer library program (since he was 1 yr old). He loves both of these!

I have play dates and take him and his friends to do things often.

Im feeling guilty. Now that hes saying these things. And its made me think deeper and further then i ever have.

Like, as myself and his dad age and become too old and or fall ill and pass away, hes not going to have a sibling to lean on and greive with together.

And he will only ever be an uncle if he marries someone who has siblings, if that sibling has kids.

I dont know. I love my son with every thing i have and iam so thankful and happy to have him and be his mom.

I just want to know and make sure that since he is an only child that im doing everything right to ensure that he has a good bond with a friend or few as if they were his sibling.

[NotACatfish]

At this point, you don’t have much of a choice. Many people are and/or have only children. Yeah, having siblings is a fun experience and I loved it growing up, but being an only has its perks too. You can’t get pregnant again and your husband is saying no to adoption, so right now, try not to dwell on it.

I will likely have only one child. Having my son almost killed me. I’m sad he probably won’t have siblings, but it is what it is. I’ll have more time/money/resources to devote to him.

Does your son have any cousins?

[Pjmm]

I have two. Tell your son the grass isn't always necessarily greener. Ods used to wish he was an only child when his brother got on his nerves. Also he needs to understand adopting an older child may come with problems. The child may have psychological issues being adopted at that late age. Also there's no guarantee they'll get along. I've babysat a brother and sister mostly because they'd fight if someone didn't. I'd encourage friendships and let him learn how to entertain himself. Don't take what her says to heart.

[Tigress22304]

I always wanted to have at least 2/3 kids however I am one and done.
Thankfully I have DH who came with 2 kids of his own.

It's hard to want more kids but the only way to get there-your DH is against.
There are lots of pros and cons with being an only child/being a sibling.

It's all in how you accept what is.

[LiveWhatULove]

You are over thinking this, IMO. I know you think onelies are very different, but why? What would you tell a mom whose child suddenly does not want their sibling? Or my DD who is the baby but desperately wants a baby sister. It is no different. You just kindly tell them, you are sorry, but nope, no little babies or adoption here!

My children knew from a very young age like 7, 5, 1. This is our family size. End of story. Being an only child is not a tragic event that only is brought up at a certain age. It is just the fact. His life will be full things which he wishes for, but are not realistic.

Whether the only, the baby, the middle, the oldest, they are benefits and certainly trade offs. I sense guilt in your post. Stop, there should be none.

Children do not get so dictate their family size. You matter of factly state, this is it, and then listen to the concerns, show genuine empathy about his feelings on the subject. Perhaps if he is open minded point out the benefits on occasion, and move on.

Good luck!

[AubreeGrace17]

I have one son as well. He seems content being an only child. He understands why he won't have a sibling. I think as long as you keep your kid involved in an activity, and doing what you are doing he will be fine. Don't beat yourself up over it, he will be fine!

[RedBottoms]

Only child here.

Here is my take on it. I liked being an only child. I was sometimes lonely but it also taught me to be VERY independent. Like I don't need constant companionship. I can entertain myself.

It also taught me the value to friendship. Because without friends I had no playmates. So I learned to really value friends and to cultivate good friendships and to do a lot with friends and for friends. I treat my friends like family. Which can be hard when a friendship ends because I take it so hard but it also means I am very close to friends and would do anything for them.

I think people with large families of siblings and cousins can almost become stuck up to where they seem to only care about family and act like friends are disposable. Encountered this a lot and I don't think that is a productive way to live and think either.

No one is disposable. Everyone has value. Barring they are toxic and bad for you.

I was allowed to bring along friends on some vacations which was great. I recommend that. My mom also did her work throwing me lots of parties and letting me have sleepovers etc very often so I was not lonely. I also was in dance and other activities and saw other kids there.

You should never have another child JUST for your child. Because they may end up not even liking that sibling they asked for. It happens. I asked for my mom to adopt once or twice too but its probably good she did not. Only have another child if YOU and YOUR HUSBAND want it. Not your child.

And FYI-having multiple kids is NO guarantee they will support each other in your elder care or your death etc. My Dh has two siblings he never speaks to. He spoke to them maybe once in 9 years. Plenty of siblings grow up and have nothing to do with each other. But he does have me and his very close friends and we will support him no matter what. That matters more.

I am an Aunt to Dh's siblings kids but we never see them so I really am not. But I am "Aunt" to all my friend's kids and that is just as good.

Family by marriage or blood does not matter as much as just being surrounded by good people you are close to. You don't have to be related to them

[CafemomAnon]

A former friend of mine is an only child. She's in her thirties. I think it has had a negative effect on her. She is pretty sad that she doesn't have extended family. She has a mom and a grandma. Maybe one Uncle. I'm pretty sure her jealousy of my large family is part of the reason our friendship ended. I'm not sure if being an only child is why she's so entitled and immature. I'm sure there are other factors there. But being an only child is something she struggles with.

[RedBottoms]

Other advantages of only children is they are usually high achievers. Because they get all the attention and resources of their parents.

[bluebunnybabe]

I’m an only child. You’re definitely worrying about this too much imo.