Would you call DCF?

[Anonymous 1]

I need help dealing with a sensitive situation. There is a little girl who I have known since birth. She was raised for the first 2 years by her grandparents, because she was removed from her parent's care. I guess the biggest issue was the father who has a long history of domestic violence, drug use, and other crimes. The mother is on methadone. The mother filed for divorce and the child was reunited with her when she had just turned two. This was over the summer. The case has since been closed (middle of December), but it is clear to many of us that he is not in a safe place. The social worker never did surprise visits or required her to do anything that was set out in advance. The divorce is not finalized yet and she now has regular contact with the father. The child sees him regularly even though cutting off contact with the father was a big reason why the little girl was returned. The father has even been to the mothers appointment multiple times. The little girl lives in filth and the mother never has what she needs. She is constantly running out of diapers, wipes, and thickener for the girls drinks. She has many health issues and can't drink normal water. The apartment is also not baby prodded and the child is constantly getting into dangerous stuff. Like, playing with cleaning supplies in the bathroom, unplugging and plugging in cords, climbing up high furniture, and recently opening the front door on her own. My concern with reporting to DCF, is that right now I feel they'll just tell her to clean up and baby proof ( not really check). I can't believe the case was closed. The little girl is not getting any of the services she needs and the mother can't even meet her daily needs. I've had a relationship with the little girl her whole life, and her behavior has changed drastically since leaving her grandparents. I will call when I need to, but I feel I only really have one chance. If I call and they do nothing I fear the mother will shut down and not communicate with anyone, which will be worse for the child. Any ideas?

[RedBottoms]

I would report. If I liked the mother enough to help and my help would be appreciated I would offer to come baby proof the apartment for her. I also might help out with diapers occasionally etc. But the mom is probably getting assistance so my question is where is the money the tax payers are giving her going? That thickening stuff counts as medical supply thing so it would be paid for under TNcare or whatever that state has for kids health care.

[famousglm714]

Yes. Kids don’t belong in places like that with drug addicts. I’m not sure I believe she’s in recovery based on your description of things. Mom can’t even take care of herself it seems. Even if nothing comes of it at least you did the right thing and tried. Even if she shuts everyone out you can keep calling or somehow document proof of everything you’re saying, most importantly the contact with her ex. Dated pics on FB or wherever? I’m not sure. Hell maybe the child would be better off if he escaped out the front door. Maybe not though. :/

[Anonymous 1]

I would report. If I liked the mother enough to help and my help would be appreciated I would offer to come baby proof the apartment for her. I also might help out with diapers occasionally etc. But the mom is probably getting assistance so my question is where is the money the tax payers are giving her going? That thickening stuff counts as medical supply thing so it would be paid for under TNcare or whatever that state has for kids health care.

The hard thing is we are all offering to help. I know her parents buy her diapers by the box. The thickening stuff could be covered, but you have to push for it and she doesn't. Her formula is already covered because the grandparents fought for that. I am trying to strengthen my relationship with mom for the sake of the little girl, but she doesn't follow through on anything. I have put on doorknob covers and put locks on her fridge and cabinets, but she takes them off and claims she never got them. I'm just afraid to report, because she was in the system for 2.5 years and they closed in the middle of this. I can't understand how they could close the case with all this going on and what if she gets the same social worker again? He did nothing.

[Anonymous 1]

Yes. Kids don’t belong in places like that with drug addicts. I’m not sure I believe she’s in recovery based on your description of things. Mom can’t even take care of herself it seems. Even if nothing comes of it at least you did the right thing and tried. Even if she shuts everyone out you can keep calling or somehow document proof of everything you’re saying, most importantly the contact with her ex. Dated pics on FB or wherever? I’m not sure. Hell maybe the child would be better off if he escaped out the front door. Maybe not though. :/

She's "been in recovery" for over 9 years, so clearly they are not getting her clean. I the little girl shouldn't be there, but it's like the state doesn't care. I have texts talking about her taking the little girl to see the father, she told me in person that he's been coming to the house. However, I have no prof the relationship goes beyond the child, but I suspect it does. She's even pointed out that the states nft involved anymore so she's not doing anything wrong. And I'm not sure if she is (in regard to the father). I know he shouldn't be around the child, but he's never actually hurt the little girl, just the mother. I want to call, it just feels like I have one chance.

[RedBottoms]

I would report. If I liked the mother enough to help and my help would be appreciated I would offer to come baby proof the apartment for her. I also might help out with diapers occasionally etc. But the mom is probably getting assistance so my question is where is the money the tax payers are giving her going? That thickening stuff counts as medical supply thing so it would be paid for under TNcare or whatever that state has for kids health care.

The hard thing is we are all offering to help. I know her parents buy her diapers by the box. The thickening stuff could be covered, but you have to push for it and she doesn't. Her formula is already covered because the grandparents fought for that. I am trying to strengthen my relationship with mom for the sake of the little girl, but she doesn't follow through on anything. I have put on doorknob covers and put locks on her fridge and cabinets, but she takes them off and claims she never got them. I'm just afraid to report, because she was in the system for 2.5 years and they closed in the middle of this. I can't understand how they could close the case with all this going on and what if she gets the same social worker again? He did nothing.

So she has no excuse. People are trying to help her and she is figuratively slapping them in the face? Ungrateful bitch. I would report and wash my hands of her.

[Pjmm]

If she's literally refusing help I might do it. I don't call DCF very lightly but in this case it sounds like it's necessary.

[RedBottoms]

This is a prime example of what I talk about on here. Its one thing to be in hard times. But if someone is doing their best to better themselves and accepting help and making do and being responsible-I am willing to give them all the help in the world and respect.

But there are a lot of mothers out there like this woman that literally have things handed to them and still can't give a shit. I am sure the state would give her WIC and food stamps and free healthcare and meds for her DD. All she has to do is get off her ass and get her shit together and go get it.

Someone came to her house and brought her childproofing things and set it all up for her. And the lazy bitch just gets rid of it.

People like this don't want to be better. They want to be selfish. And I have no respect for them

[Deleted User 114]

If she's literally refusing help I might do it. I don't call DCF very lightly but in this case it sounds like it's necessary.

[luvthagirl]

Go ahead call them, you know that's what you're itching to do anyway