Arranged marriages in 2018

[Momto2boys973]

Not an Atheist... what deity then do you believe in that you have absolute proof of his/hers/its existence then?

Lack of proof is a lack of proof. I didn’t play a lot of make believe as a child. There’s no reason I would as an adult.

Again, not an Atheist.

I’ve done a lot of studying to learn and analyze evidence in order to reach the conclusion that I have. I’m not one to leave questions hanging without a rational answer. You, on the other hand, just choose to believe something and judge those who believe different based on the most feeble of things- lack of evidence. The argument that has made more fools in history than any other. So how are YOU “brighter” than me? Because your argument of “something that may very well not exist” also leaves room to “something that may very well exist”, right?
I can use evidence to support my certainty in G-d. I don’t live my life just blindly believing in something. What evidence do you have of your views? Besides, “there’s no proof” and “it may very well not exist”, of course...

If you think about it, Atheism is actually the most irrational of claims. There’s basis to claim a belief in G-d, there’s basis to question the existence of G-d. Denying the existence of something simply based on lack of direct evidence, is just dumb and arrogant. But we can all see that you do have that arrogance, thinking that the rest of us cannot possibly be intelligent. My DH has an IQ of 124, which is considered very above average intelligence, and he’s a very devoted Orthodox Jew. So how does your theory that intelligence and religious belief are mutually exclusive?

Strong religious beliefs and intelligence are mutually exclusive. You’re clearly not an idiot, but you live your life based upon something that very well may not exist. I’ll nevwr consider that bright.

[Verrine]

I think it's ok if the marriage is arranged but the future spouses should have their opinions taken into account. I had a student who was in the top of her class and headed for college. Her father wanted her to marry some loser in his 40's who was a cab driver. I don't know what happened.

Meet the Patels is a hilarious documentary about modern-day arranged marriage.
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/film ... he-patels/
His parents only met for about 10 minutes before they were married. His mother had to get off the plane in New York (from India) and go live with this man she didn't know. Can you imagine how scary that would be? He says his parents are the happiest couple he knows. There's also a "making of" movie that has the parents saying more.

A lot of the matches we make for ourselves fail. What about those awful reality shows like "The Bachelor?" That's kind of an arranged marriage where the contestants convince themselves they're happy with each other.

No one arranged my marriage and I've been happily married for 23 years. The key to the longevity, I believe is that my husband were in our 30's when we met. We knew what we were looking for in a mate. My mother wanted to cancel her wedding to my father. My grandmother convinced her to go through with it. Her reasoning was that he was a good man. He was and is but my mother didn't love him and never could. I wish my mother had stood up for herself and canceled the wedding. She divorced my dad when I was 6 or 7.

I agree that being older can help. In general, people who are more mature and self-aware are better at picking mates and staying married. I was 29 when I got married and I am very glad that I had time to run around and have fun because then I knew what a catch DH was!

Sometimes being married to a good man or woman is enough. It depends on how much you want out of life or marriage. I'm sorry that your parents weren't happy together. It can be hard to stand up to family or society expectations.

[Anonymous 6]

I’m sorry that your god is as believable as the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I notice you didn’t refute my points, by the way. Because we both know I’m right.

Wow... such ignorance. And yet I’m supposedly the unintelligent one... oh, well. You do you!

Some humans have a spiritual need* Many of us have zero spiritual need...or want. Religion is for those missing something in their lives. People like me are quite fulfilled without that waste of time. And by the way, I’m not an Atheist.

Religion lives on because parents push it on their kids, some obsessively. Given no religious upbringing, I’m curious what the number of believers would be. I predict it’d be a vast, rapid decline.

I don’t believe we’d live in some peaceful harmony without religion. I think life would be fairly similar, except for the zealots who would be lost without someone telling them what to believe.

Well, you did say that the world would be a better place without religion and it wouldn’t.
For starters, humans have a spiritual need. You can try to ignore it the way some people try to ignore that S*x is a human need. But the fact that every culture around the world and throughout history has come up with ways to fulfill that need proves it IS a need. If religion was exclusive to a couple of cultures, then by all means, poo poo on it as unimportant. But every culture has had a form of religion, a need to connect with something bigger and more eternal. Contrary to Atheist myths, religion didn’t start to explain nature. It was a way to fulfill this need and to join together in societies.
And second, several Atheistic regimes have arisen claiming “enlightenment” and “knowledge” would be the guiding forces and therefore there would be more peace and humanitarian efforts, right? Wrong. The bloodiest regimes in history have been Atheistic, jumping to the extreme of anti-theism, just as you believe.
Violence in the name of something isn’t a result of religion. Is a result of human nature. We’re social beings, and as with every social structure, there needs to be leadership and rules. That brings a desire for power and dominance. In animals, it’s fairly easy, it’s purely instinctual. No one goes around calling a lion a misogynist because he has his harem of women hunting for him. No one calls a praying mantis a murderer for eating her mate. It’s just what they do, no moral judgment there.
Humans are different, we do have a moral component. Call it a soul, call it an evolutionary trait, call it a genetic marker. That’s irrelevant, but fact is we don’t just act by instinct. And so in order to function as social beings we need rules to control those negative instincts or we wouldn’t survive as a species. Religion fulfilled that need. Just because you think that as an individual you’re better off without it it doesn’t mean that we as a species will be. Because this whole idea that without religion we would all live in peace and harmony, singing “Imagine” in a group hug is pure BS. History has shown us that and ultimately, humans would find another thing to become dominant and powerful and fight on the name of that.
The vast majority of world governments right now are secular and look at the state it is in. Hardly the utopic visions Anti-Theists believe will come if religion ends, which will never happen, BTW. That’s another Atheistic myth. Most world religions are going through a period of revival and statistics suggests that in the next couple of centuries, religion adherence will continue to increase, while Atheism and Agnosticism are both in decline:

http://www.wnrf.org/cms/next200.shtml

If we stick to the 3 Abrahamic religions, Christianity seems to be the one losing more adherents, but it’s standing consistent with the number of “born-again” Christians and those that abandoned Christianity temporarily and then returned to it. The religion that’s growing rapidly is Islam, more to do with birth rates than conversions, but still expected to continue to grow in numbers. And Judaism, while it experiences a decline in the decades following WWII and the formation of the Reform movement, which resulted in millions of Jews lost to assimilation, is also reviving in the teshuvah movement of organizations like Chabad and Aish HaTorah. Many younger Jews are now learning about their heritage and returning to adherence and observance. I myself was raised Reform, as was my husband and how we’re both Orthodox.
Other religions, like Hinduism, Wicca, and Buddhism are also seeing a rise in adherents. You may want to deny it, but humans have this need. It doesn’t make us weak minded or stupid to fulfill it in the way we believe is true. I
So don’t dance on religion’s grave yet.

[Anonymous 6]

None. Which is why I’m agnostic. You have as much proof as I do that any higher power exists.

Not an Atheist... what deity then do you believe in that you have absolute proof of his/hers/its existence then?

Lack of proof is a lack of proof. I didn’t play a lot of make believe as a child. There’s no reason I would as an adult.

Again, not an Atheist.

I’ve done a lot of studying to learn and analyze evidence in order to reach the conclusion that I have. I’m not one to leave questions hanging without a rational answer. You, on the other hand, just choose to believe something and judge those who believe different based on the most feeble of things- lack of evidence. The argument that has made more fools in history than any other. So how are YOU “brighter” than me? Because your argument of “something that may very well not exist” also leaves room to “something that may very well exist”, right?
I can use evidence to support my certainty in G-d. I don’t live my life just blindly believing in something. What evidence do you have of your views? Besides, “there’s no proof” and “it may very well not exist”, of course...

If you think about it, Atheism is actually the most irrational of claims. There’s basis to claim a belief in G-d, there’s basis to question the existence of G-d. Denying the existence of something simply based on lack of direct evidence, is just dumb and arrogant. But we can all see that you do have that arrogance, thinking that the rest of us cannot possibly be intelligent. My DH has an IQ of 124, which is considered very above average intelligence, and he’s a very devoted Orthodox Jew. So how does your theory that intelligence and religious belief are mutually exclusive?

[Anonymous 6]

I have a lot of coworkers who marriages were arranged. They are very compatible with their spouse and extremely happy. Much happier than some people who have chosen their lazy, no good husband.

[agander2017]

We have a couple at church from India, and their marriage was arranged. You can tell she isn't happy, and she doesn't really care for her husband. It's pretty sad.

I think that's sad; however, there are a lot of unhappily married couples who chose each other. Some of them get divorced and some stay miserable together. I think that if it's an arranged marriage then your expectations are different. You don't go into it thinking everything will always be sunshine and roses.

You are 100% correct. Not every marriage is a good one, no matter how it comes to be. I just can't imagine giving myself to someone I didn't love, physically, and agreeing to stay with them forever. Her husband isn't a bad guy, but he's not the nicest either, at least not to her. Even in her wedding pictures she doesn't look happy at all. She looks at him sometimes like he's the worst person on the planet. Their customs are very different from ours. Her husband was telling my husband and I, at my son's first birthday, that when a couple finds out they are having a baby girl, they terminate the pregnancy most of the time. Because when she gets married, they would have to give her husband a dowry, and they don't have the money for it. So doctor's have stopped telling couples the S*x of the unborn baby. What seems strange to us, is normal for them.

I guess that's what they are use to, and that's what their culture does. I couldn't live in a country like that though.

[mommeruchy]

You're right, there are a lot of people in my community who don't have college degrees or are on welfare. But I'm not one of those people.

And btw, I don't live in NYC anymore I know my business wouldn't support me, that's why I have a degree and previous work experience that would hopefully get me a job. I've even thought about getting my Master's degree but chicken out. And if I still found myself struggling with the job, sure, I'd go on welfare. Whatever pride I have would be pushed way to the side if it means feeding my children. Hopefully I will never have to experience something like that, though.

You think your small side business could support you in one of the most expensive cities in the world? And welfare and your family/friends/etc. isn’t you supporting your kids, it’s everyone else.

Also, how much of your community has very little education? How much is on welfare? A LOT.

Wait. Which Jewish woman are you talking about? I have a degree, work experience, and right now a side business (which I admit is small but still, we all start somewhere!). I can most certainly provide for myself and children. even if it means going on welfare. while it may take a while for me to get used to being a single mother, I have family, friends, and a whole community that I could turn to for support. And I’m sure Mom2toboys can say the same. So I’m not sure which Jewish woman on this post you’re talking about

Because the women in them are typically doormats who aren’t equal with their husbands. Let’s use the Jewish woman in this post as an example. She’d never divorce her husband, as she couldn’t provide for herself (let alone her family) on her own. She’s trapped, just like so many women in these situations are.