Arranged marriages in 2018

[mommeruchy]

What’s wrong with arranged marriages? My marriage was arranged (not in 2018 though hehe). Dh and I are still very happily married 10+ years later with 5 beautiful children as are all of my siblings who also had arranged marriages (most of them have way more kids than me though). Of course they don’t work all the time but when you come from a culture in which arranged marriages happen it’s just the norm. I don’t find the secular way of dating to be any more right or wrong because secular people have different ideas of that versus the community I come from. What works for you doesn’t work for everyone and all that.

It takes away the right to choose. Therefore, it makes it inhuman, because people are playing god and taking away people's right to choose. No one should be forced to do something they don't want too.

I wasn't forced, nor was anyone else I know. It sounds like you and maybe OP are talking about when underage girls are forced to marry older men, which I don't agree with at all and find barbaric. But in my community, it's nothing like that because that goes against the Torah.

[QuantumNursing]

What’s wrong with arranged marriages? My marriage was arranged (not in 2018 though hehe). Dh and I are still very happily married 10+ years later with 5 beautiful children as are all of my siblings who also had arranged marriages (most of them have way more kids than me though). Of course they don’t work all the time but when you come from a culture in which arranged marriages happen it’s just the norm. I don’t find the secular way of dating to be any more right or wrong because secular people have different ideas of that versus the community I come from. What works for you doesn’t work for everyone and all that.

It takes away the right to choose. Therefore, it makes it inhuman, because people are playing god and taking away people's right to choose. No one should be forced to do something they don't want too.

Different cultures should not have to live there lives according to our cultures and our norms

[Poietes]

As long as they are willing and not forced I don't see the issue. People can live the life they choose.

[Deleted User 1039]

Can't believe these are still going on...

Why?

[LiveWhatULove]

What’s wrong with arranged marriages? My marriage was arranged (not in 2018 though hehe). Dh and I are still very happily married 10+ years later with 5 beautiful children as are all of my siblings who also had arranged marriages (most of them have way more kids than me though). Of course they don’t work all the time but when you come from a culture in which arranged marriages happen it’s just the norm. I don’t find the secular way of dating to be any more right or wrong because secular people have different ideas of that versus the community I come from. What works for you doesn’t work for everyone and all that.

It takes away the right to choose. Therefore, it makes it inhuman, because people are playing god and taking away people's right to choose. No one should be forced to do something they don't want too.

Different cultures should not have to live there lives according to our cultures and our norms

You are correct.

I am not necessarily directing this comment at you. -- but we can disagree & voice our concern of the morality of those diverse beliefs which clash with our social norms. Just because a religion or culture has the "right" to live and practice their beliefs, it does not not mean those beliefs are moral or respectful of all human beings of race, gender, socioeconomic classes, etc. Regarding this specific topic, the term arranged marriage encompasses a wide spectrum, on one end, likely moral cultural beliefs (as one previous poster as pointed out) to the other end of downright despicable immoral practices. And as a civilized society, we should loudly speak up for the millions of girls who are arranged to marry under the age of 18, women who commit suicide rather than disgrace their families with divorce, and bride payments to families.

Women should have equal rights to wealth, education and control over their bodies & fertility -- and I would argue that any culture that does not support this, actually SHOULD evolve their social norms.

[Pjmm]

If someone wants to arrange my marriage that's fine by me. I'm not doing so well on my own. I get why it's bad for some, etc and all but me personally I'd see a yenta.. do they handle non Jews? Lol

Seriously women should have the right to say no to any arranged marriage. It's fine to see a matchmaker but not so fine if your family or religion is forcing your choice.

[Deleted User 670]

I worked with a guy from Afghanistan who had an arranged marriage to a Hindu woman. His grew up in India. They had a child. I don't have a problem with people who get help meeting prospective mates but picking out your child's spouse before they're out of diapers is just wrong.

[EarlGrayHot]

Not a chance. And yes, most people in the U.S. would consider it outrageous to put up with a parent picking out your mate in this day and age. I would tend to agree. Why on Earth would I allow a parent (and let's face it-we're really talking about a father deciding for them for the most part) to take that choice away from me? Not even seeing a guy before I was married to him? That's a recipe for abuse and disaster.

[Oliviasmom72]

I cant believe anyone would still do this but it still happens.

I have 2 male older Hindu friends (cousins). When they were younger their mothers pushed for arranged but both in the end said no way. They are both very Americanized. One married a white American, the other is still single but will pretty much date any race.

[Valentina327]

What’s wrong with arranged marriages? My marriage was arranged (not in 2018 though hehe). Dh and I are still very happily married 10+ years later with 5 beautiful children as are all of my siblings who also had arranged marriages (most of them have way more kids than me though). Of course they don’t work all the time but when you come from a culture in which arranged marriages happen it’s just the norm. I don’t find the secular way of dating to be any more right or wrong because secular people have different ideas of that versus the community I come from. What works for you doesn’t work for everyone and all that.

I've read that they're very successful actually, more so than people who traditionally date on their own. The people who know you best are selecting someonewho they think you'll be compatible with. It makes sense that they turn out fairly well.