Say it louder for the people in the back

[Anonymous 7]

I think this whole concept is stupid

[Deleted User 670]

Been married happily for 23 years and we always put our kid first. And our kid is not spoiled and is well mannered. Not sure what point you are trying to make.

[wildflowers25]

Ah, this crap again. In our home, all relationships are important and DH and I manage to be a couple as well as parents without thinking one comes before the other. Our relationship is not based on insecurity and adolescent type needing to be number 1 to each other at all times.

[Olioxenfree]

Idk I agree with him. Admittedly I'm old fashioned though. I think kids should understand we love them in that 'we'd die for you attitude'. But I work hard to provide for them things they want and my ex gave them things they wanted also. My parents and even my grandparents also helped out or left money for them. No one had to do these things above basic food clothing and shelter. I think that's something that kids should respect. I also think it's okay to say as this family has helped you so should you reciprocate by doing chores or helping out when someone isn't well. Remember your mother's birthday, your grandmother's, they damn well remember yours. And I think when kids know they're valued as people who can help out they feel better about themselves.

Nothing you said is dependant on what is talked about in the article. I don't cosleep, but if someone does and that works for their family, that isn't going to change how their kids grow up. Growing up, no one was more important, we were all equally important, and we greatly respect our parents. It is way too closed minded, saying if you don't parent just like this, you are doing it wrong, as if there is only one way to teach kids respect. And the last part is the most bullshit of it all, society is more vocal now of what is said and shown in music and television shows because we are more aware of what is right and wrong, you don't need to put others down to build yourself up and there is no glamour and humor in racism and sexual assault, not being they grew up entitled and are just too sensitive.

I agree with you. But I've seen kids that think what extras parents do for them is their due. That's entitlement. What you're saying isn't.. that's a change in what society finds acceptable and all for the good.

That is what the quote is about though. It says if you don't make your kids know that you are more important than them and don't make them love archie bunker, they will grow up to be a disrespectful loser.

[famousglm714]

I agree for the most part. Kids grow up and have their own lives. If you center your world 100% around them 100% of the time, you're going to have a bad time when they leave the nest. I've seen it in real life. There is more to life than kids. I think it's important to maintain our relationships with our husbands but I think it's even more important to not lose ourselves.

[Pjmm]

Nothing you said is dependant on what is talked about in the article. I don't cosleep, but if someone does and that works for their family, that isn't going to change how their kids grow up. Growing up, no one was more important, we were all equally important, and we greatly respect our parents. It is way too closed minded, saying if you don't parent just like this, you are doing it wrong, as if there is only one way to teach kids respect. And the last part is the most bullshit of it all, society is more vocal now of what is said and shown in music and television shows because we are more aware of what is right and wrong, you don't need to put others down to build yourself up and there is no glamour and humor in racism and sexual assault, not being they grew up entitled and are just too sensitive.

I agree with you. But I've seen kids that think what extras parents do for them is their due. That's entitlement. What you're saying isn't.. that's a change in what society finds acceptable and all for the good.

That is what the quote is about though. It says if you don't make your kids know that you are more important than them and don't make them love archie bunker, they will grow up to be a disrespectful loser.

There isn't anything in the article that refers to Archie Bunker or against kids fighting perceived social injustices. Look if you believe co sleeping is important do it. I did. Parent however you want. I think what he's saying is what they say in an airplane.. you put that oxygen mask on first and then help your child. Maybe to you your child is the most important although I think it should be your marriage. BUT in your child's world she should look up to you. YOU should be just as important to her. As you help her she should learn to not take for granted what you and others do. Toddlers want to help in chores and that should be encouraged. If she thinks she's more important than anyone else it spoils her and makes her feel unstable. At the least it should be one for all (the family) and all for one.

[Anonymous 8]

i posted the same thing on CM and got jumped all over, and told how WRONG i was for suggesting such a thing...

funny, my adult children, who grew up like the article suggested, are now happy, contributing members of society, with college degrees.

[californiagirl83]

I was just in the hospital, so dh bent over backwards to keep the house running while I was away. Now that I'm home, I've taken back over most things and make sure dh has everything he needs for work. His paycheck keeps a roof over our heads, so I make his job as easy as possible. So the 'most important person' changes based on the current situation.

[Traci_Momof2]

I've seen that article before (and am pretty sure I even posted it on the old CM) and overall I agree with it. As long as it's not taken to the other extreme either.
Children should not ALWAYS be the most important. But parents should not ALWAYS be the most important either. There is a balance. If one person's need conflicts with another person's want, then the need should win out regardless of who's it is. If it's two needs, or two wants, then you have to evaluate and make a decision. Each and every member of the family will have times that their wants are honored, and times that their wants are denied.
But I definitely see value in a couple making their relationship a priority. Too often you see couples who focus solely on the kids while they are home, and then the kids grow and leave and the couple doesn't know how to be a couple. Empty nest divorces. A couple showing their kids that the relationship is important teaches the kids how to have a healthy relationship when they grow.
I honestly believe that people who say "my kids always come first" are just doing a huge disservice to their kids.

[Traci_Momof2]

I agree for the most part. Kids grow up and have their own lives. If you center your world 100% around them 100% of the time, you're going to have a bad time when they leave the nest. I've seen it in real life. There is more to life than kids. I think it's important to maintain our relationships with our husbands but I think it's even more important to not lose ourselves.

It makes me think about these women who are in their 40's, their youngest is in High School, and they have this sudden drive to have another baby. I wonder if it's because the last 2 decades of their life have been so child focused, and they know that's going to be gone soon, and they don't know how to be just a wife anymore, so they want to keep the child-focus going by having another baby. I bet that's the case for some of them, and it's incredibly sad that they don't want to be with just their husband again.