I gave her cancer!

[Anonymous 3]

Uh, she spends nights here on the regular. In fact she & the baby are here over night tonight because we are expecting snow storm.

She keeps the apartment because she has 2 cats that dh will not let her bring here. She's literally only at her apartment to sleep.

It does not matter why she wants to keep her apartment. It is her apartment and her decision to make.

I failed to mention that in many cases counseling is now offered to cancer patients and sometimes their caregivers. It is as important as any other treatment. I wish it had been part of the treatment plan the first time I had cancer in 1983. The physical emotion and mental pain and intensity of that experience haunted me for decades.

Treatment has made progress by being able to identify different types of cancer and different treatment treatments. But they haven’t come that far. Women still need to put toxic drugs in their systems, they still need radiation, they still lose all their hair, the medication still needs hours to drip into your vein and Neulasta still makes many women feel like they have the worst flu ever experienced.

Her daughter is very young, a single mother and must be terrified. I had a husband, children, sisters, mother, in-laws, we owned our home, no money worries and I was still full of anxiety.

Her mother is concerned that her daughter won’t be able to pay for her apartment. She’s also concerned that she won’t be able to meet her daughter’s needs. Her daughter might not be realistic in wanting to keep her apartment although I don’t blame her for wanting to keep it. If she’s in financial trouble she should be focusing on looking at programs geared towards women like her. Daycare subsidies, food benefits, rent assistance, anything to help her get through this.

when my granny had a double mastectomy she didn't have To go through any of that. They took her boobs gave her 2 meds she had to take the rest of her life. She passed years later of old age. So no not ALL women go through that stuff.

She has a mother who is trying to control her and force her to things she's not ready for. Did your family do that? Im betting not

[Anonymous 3]

You sound extremely self centered. I'm so glad my mom was caring and loves me unconditionally.

Yes it's very self centered of me to want dd to move in with the family, so we can all rally around her & help her through her cancer treatments. LMOA

It's not self-centered to WANT to help. It's self centered to try and force her to do what YOU think is right and not support her in her choices. It's self-centered to hold over her head the "help" you have already given.

[Anonymous 3]

I should move in with her???

I should move out of the family home where my husband & other daughter live as opposed to her moving in with the family where we can all rally around her & help her???

My dh & I work to pay our bills , will YOU be sending my dd money to pay her bills when she can't work ?

Yes YOU are the one throwing a temper tantrum because your ADULT daughter doesn't want to do what you say, because she's an adult. So if you feel like she's going to need you like that then yes it's on YOU to move. You want her to move out of the home she's made with her child yet can't fathom moving out of your own home? Selfish. If i were your daughter I'd tell you to stay away.

Why would i send your dd money? She's capable of figuring it on her own.

But again you are ASSuming she's going to have the s exact experience as you which she might not. She does not have to do what you say.

You are too funny. My dd spends all her time ( when she's not working) Here at the family home and just has an apartment because she has 2 cats.

In fact she & the baby spent the night at our family home last night because we just had a snow storm , SHE didn't want to be home alone at her apartment. Lmao

As a matter of fact my dh ( her dad) got up with the baby @ 4am this morning. Had the bottle made & warming up. Was changing the baby's diaper when dd woke up.

Thats what she needs THE FAMILY to rally & help her day & night. Not just 1 person ( me) running myself into the ground to take care of her & the baby.

She won't be able to pay for the apartment when she has chemo & can't work. She will chose to move home. She doesn't even get child support yet from the baby's father. 1st court date is Feb 4. I'm constantly getting texts that she may need help ( $$) and end up Zelleing her money to either help cover daycare ( which btw the daycare does not accept government assistance) or some bill that needs to be paid.

She needs to make the decision to move home before she gets in real financial trouble or can't help pack & move her belongings. How would dh , myself & her sister know what to put in storage as opposed to what she wants at the family home?

Some of you can't see the bigger picture & sound like such fools.. Lmao

Ok nothing wrong with staying with family in a storm, we do it too and i have a hubby and 2 kids and a dog.

You claim she's only keeping the apartment because of the cats... But you and hubby want her to move in with you, but won't allow the cats? Hmmmm. Yep you are controlling.

You keep saying she's definitely going to have chemo which just is not true. My grandma didn't need any chemo type treatment.. they took both breasts.

Stop paying her bills. She most likely qualifies for gov assistance.

If you All end up having to pack her things she will still be able to say "i want xyz in the "family home" And ABC in storage. It's really not that hard to figure out.

[Anonymous 1]

So you drive over there to take care of her or stay there on bad days. She's going through enough without having to move as well.

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off. stop complaining about the help you offer to give. If It's such an inconvenience stop doing it.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????Why do you keep asking this when others give a suggestion you don't like? Of course we aren't.

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.That's his choice. He Doesn't have to do that. If she is that financial bad off she most likely qualifies for gov assistance especially because she's sick. Which would help with daycare and food and possibly even cash assistance.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.") Then let him help now.

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough? YOU decided to help. No one FORCED you to do so, you are welcome to say this at any time. But you won't. You will bitch and complain and act like your child and grand child are an inconvenience. And you wonder why she doesn't want to move back in with you.

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.Wow tell us how you really feel about your grandchild. Kind odd you would spend every bit of your inheritance fighting for the baby if she passes but not while your dd is alive. Smh.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills. No one but your dd is responsible for her bills. You CHOOSE to bail her out.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular. but asking your dad, her grand father to help when his granddaughter is sick is the time to ask. But again you just want to bitch Ave complain./color]

Some of you have no clue and sound like such fools. You're one of them.

[Anonymous 3]

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off. stop complaining about the help you offer to give. If It's such an inconvenience stop doing it.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????Why do you keep asking this when others give a suggestion you don't like? Of course we aren't.

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.That's his choice. He Doesn't have to do that. If she is that financial bad off she most likely qualifies for gov assistance especially because she's sick. Which would help with daycare and food and possibly even cash assistance.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.") Then let him help now.

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough? YOU decided to help. No one FORCED you to do so, you are welcome to say this at any time. But you won't. You will bitch and complain and act like your child and grand child are an inconvenience. And you wonder why she doesn't want to move back in with you.

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.Wow tell us how you really feel about your grandchild. Kind odd you would spend every bit of your inheritance fighting for the baby if she passes but not while your dd is alive. Smh.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills. No one but your dd is responsible for her bills. You CHOOSE to bail her out.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular. but asking your dad, her grand father to help when his granddaughter is sick is the time to ask. But again you just want to bitch Ave complain./color]

Some of you have no clue and sound like such fools. You're one of them.

We have all the clues. I love how you ignore everything she said And just tell everyone they are wrong.

Stop being self-centered. Stop trying to control your dd. Stop assuming you know things just because you went through something 2 decades ago.

Btw...You said she owes 87 bucks from years ago that has to be paid before she can get treatment... That's not really how that works either. Those things go to collections and the drs Keep treating the patient.

[Beachbrat]

I'm supposed to work at my job, take & pick up the baby from daycare. Go to drs appts with my dd and drive over to her apt to take care of her or try to stay there as opposed to her moving in with us and making it easier for us to help her.
As it is I pick the baby up from daycare on my way home from work Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & watch him till she gets out of work. I also watch him all day Thursdays, Fridays & half of Saturday (he spends the night Thurs & friday). She's at our house every night til 7-730 pm. She eats dinner at our house 6 days a week.
Only day we don't see her or the baby is Sunday and that's because we had told her we needed a day off. stop complaining about the help you offer to give. If It's such an inconvenience stop doing it.

Will YOU be paying her $1035/month rent when she can't work????Why do you keep asking this when others give a suggestion you don't like? Of course we aren't.

My dh ( her dad) works 4 , 10 hr days , hes already agreed to work an extra 6-8 hrs on the 5th day, to cover the baby's daycare costs, so I can continue to work, watch the baby & go to drs appts with our dd.That's his choice. He Doesn't have to do that. If she is that financial bad off she most likely qualifies for gov assistance especially because she's sick. Which would help with daycare and food and possibly even cash assistance.

Dd has family Court in Feb for child support from the father, he's only paid $300 in 5 months. DH & I keep having to help her financially. In fact she saw my old breast surgeon in 2017 ( she wanted a reduction, that never happened) and there's a $87 balance that needs to be paid before the Dr will see her.Guess who gets to pay it??? DH & I will split it....

Hell, my dad ( her grandpa) gave me $2000 to help cover some of her bills during her maternity leave & some of daycare when she went back to work. ( My dad got pissed when he found out I was using my savings to pay her bills. " He would rather help us financially now if we need it while he's alive.") Then let him help now.

When do the rest of us get to say enough is enough? YOU decided to help. No one FORCED you to do so, you are welcome to say this at any time. But you won't. You will bitch and complain and act like your child and grand child are an inconvenience. And you wonder why she doesn't want to move back in with you.

Honestly we are beat up financially by dds decisions in life, esp the baby .Though I wouldn't give up my grandson for anything & will spend every penny of my inheritance fighting for custody if my dd passes away.Wow tell us how you really feel about your grandchild. Kind odd you would spend every bit of your inheritance fighting for the baby if she passes but not while your dd is alive. Smh.

I understand she's sick but it's time for her to understand, she needs to do what's best for the family esp the baby and not just her all the time. We can't cover her financially for the time it takes to beat a disease like this. It will kill us financially & emotionally, all so she can spend about a total of 20 hrs / wk in an apartment that every one else is killing themselves financially to pay for her bills, let alone their own bills. No one but your dd is responsible for her bills. You CHOOSE to bail her out.

I know that she knows I will inherit a lot of money and can ask for money at any time from my dad but i don't take advantage of it. Dh & I work hard to support ourselves & our family. We don't ask for money from my dad on the regular. but asking your dad, her grand father to help when his granddaughter is sick is the time to ask. But again you just want to bitch Ave complain./color]

Some of you have no clue and sound like such fools. You're one of them.

You have given us all we need to know.

[Anonymous 1]

Yes YOU are the one throwing a temper tantrum because your ADULT daughter doesn't want to do what you say, because she's an adult. So if you feel like she's going to need you like that then yes it's on YOU to move. You want her to move out of the home she's made with her child yet can't fathom moving out of your own home? Selfish. If i were your daughter I'd tell you to stay away.

Why would i send your dd money? She's capable of figuring it on her own.

But again you are ASSuming she's going to have the s exact experience as you which she might not. She does not have to do what you say.

You are too funny. My dd spends all her time ( when she's not working) Here at the family home and just has an apartment because she has 2 cats.

In fact she & the baby spent the night at our family home last night because we just had a snow storm , SHE didn't want to be home alone at her apartment. Lmao

As a matter of fact my dh ( her dad) got up with the baby @ 4am this morning. Had the bottle made & warming up. Was changing the baby's diaper when dd woke up.

Thats what she needs THE FAMILY to rally & help her day & night. Not just 1 person ( me) running myself into the ground to take care of her & the baby.

She won't be able to pay for the apartment when she has chemo & can't work. She will chose to move home. She doesn't even get child support yet from the baby's father. 1st court date is Feb 4. I'm constantly getting texts that she may need help ( $$) and end up Zelleing her money to either help cover daycare ( which btw the daycare does not accept government assistance) or some bill that needs to be paid.

She needs to make the decision to move home before she gets in real financial trouble or can't help pack & move her belongings. How would dh , myself & her sister know what to put in storage as opposed to what she wants at the family home?

Some of you can't see the bigger picture & sound like such fools.. Lmao

Ok nothing wrong with staying with family in a storm, we do it too and i have a hubby and 2 kids and a dog.

You claim she's only keeping the apartment because of the cats... But you and hubby want her to move in with you, but won't allow the cats? Hmmmm. Yep you are controlling.

You keep saying she's definitely going to have chemo which just is not true. My grandma didn't need any chemo type treatment.. they took both breasts.

Stop paying her bills. She most likely qualifies for gov assistance.

If you All end up having to pack her things she will still be able to say "i want xyz in the "family home" And ABC in storage. It's really not that hard to figure out.

You're missing the fact that we have a family here that keeps getting the same aggressive breast cancer and 3 of us have already had the same exact chemotherapy treatment .

Some of you can't seem to comprehend and just want to be on the dds side. There are no sides here. We are not against each other like most of you want to pit us.

It's actually hilarious how some of you are act worse than dd. She understands it all and will make the decision the weekend of Feb 11. Dh & I are going away. Her sister will be watching the baby when she works & they are having a sister weekend. Her sister will talk to her about moving home.

Damn my dd 22 has a better head on her shoulders then most of you do. Dd 26 got on her about getting the gene test now. Dd22 says not yet. "Whos going to take care of me when I have the dbl mastectomy, cuz if I'm positive I'm getting it done." " It would break mom & dad financially & emotionally to have to have to take care of both of us & the baby. " " We get you better then I get tested."

[Anonymous 1]

Some of you have no clue and sound like such fools. You're one of them.

You have given us all we need to know.

So you finally see that most of you would rather beat a woman up with your words then be compassionate?

Only those with compassion or those who understand what cancer dx does to the whole FAMILY when they are as close as we are replied with any compassion.

The rest of you took the opportunity to make yourselves feel better by trying to verbally knock down a woman who just found out her dd has cancer.

YAY to You!!!!

[Beachbrat]

You are too funny. My dd spends all her time ( when she's not working) Here at the family home and just has an apartment because she has 2 cats.

In fact she & the baby spent the night at our family home last night because we just had a snow storm , SHE didn't want to be home alone at her apartment. Lmao

As a matter of fact my dh ( her dad) got up with the baby @ 4am this morning. Had the bottle made & warming up. Was changing the baby's diaper when dd woke up.

Thats what she needs THE FAMILY to rally & help her day & night. Not just 1 person ( me) running myself into the ground to take care of her & the baby.

She won't be able to pay for the apartment when she has chemo & can't work. She will chose to move home. She doesn't even get child support yet from the baby's father. 1st court date is Feb 4. I'm constantly getting texts that she may need help ( $$) and end up Zelleing her money to either help cover daycare ( which btw the daycare does not accept government assistance) or some bill that needs to be paid.

She needs to make the decision to move home before she gets in real financial trouble or can't help pack & move her belongings. How would dh , myself & her sister know what to put in storage as opposed to what she wants at the family home?

Some of you can't see the bigger picture & sound like such fools.. Lmao

Ok nothing wrong with staying with family in a storm, we do it too and i have a hubby and 2 kids and a dog.

You claim she's only keeping the apartment because of the cats... But you and hubby want her to move in with you, but won't allow the cats? Hmmmm. Yep you are controlling.

You keep saying she's definitely going to have chemo which just is not true. My grandma didn't need any chemo type treatment.. they took both breasts.

Stop paying her bills. She most likely qualifies for gov assistance.

If you All end up having to pack her things she will still be able to say "i want xyz in the "family home" And ABC in storage. It's really not that hard to figure out.

You're missing the fact that we have a family here that keeps getting the same aggressive breast cancer and 3 of us have already had the same exact chemotherapy treatment .

Some of you can't seem to comprehend and just want to be on the dds side. There are no sides here. We are not against each other like most of you want to pit us.

It's actually hilarious how some of you are act worse than dd. She understands it all and will make the decision the weekend of Feb 11. Dh & I are going away. Her sister will be watching the baby when she works & they are having a sister weekend. Her sister will talk to her about moving home.

Damn my dd 22 has a better head on her shoulders then most of you do. Dd 26 got on her about getting the gene test now. Dd22 says not yet. "Whos going to take care of me when I have the dbl mastectomy, cuz if I'm positive I'm getting it done." " It would break mom & dad financially & emotionally to have to have to take care of both of us & the baby. " " We get you better then I get tested."

3 of you have had it decades before your dds. That's what YOU'RE not understanding. You even refuse to acknowledge that her treatment plan is different than yours. And that she may not even need chemo.

So when she decides to not move in with you we will wait for bitching and complaining and self-centered post you will make. And now her sister weekend is going to just be full of drama because her sister is going to try and pressure her into moving in.

If she does decide to move in... Will she have to give up her pets? Or is your husband going to continue to be selfish and force her to rehome them for the short period of time she may live with you?

Your 22 year old does not have a better on her shoulders. Id have already gotten the test done. I wouldn't be waiting.

[Beachbrat]

Some of you have no clue and sound like such fools. You're one of them.

You have given us all we need to know.

So you finally see that most of you would rather beat a woman up with your words then be compassionate?

Only those with compassion or those who understand what cancer dx does to the whole FAMILY when they are as close as we are replied with any compassion.

The rest of you took the opportunity to make yourselves feel better by trying to verbally knock down a woman who just found out her dd has cancer.

YAY to You!!!!

Sweetie you did this. You painted yourself in this light and it's sad you can't see it but soooooooo many others can. There is a reason we are all telling you the same thing.

I've had family that has had breast cancer. And we were close AF. I would never try to force anyone sick or not to move or do anything they don't feel is right for them. This is HER journey not yours. She's the only one who gets to make decisions here.

We are being compassionate to your dd. Not to her self-centered controlling family who does nothing but hold everything they do for their dd over her head and shows her that she's a burden to them. It's really sad. YAY to you for being self-centered when your daughter is the one who's sick.