DD was expelled and I don't know why

[Anonymous 4]

THIS! A thousand times...THIS!

I'd be willing to bet that this is precisely what happened with OP's DD, too! It happens more frequently than anyone would ever imagine.

Sometimes, kids just aren't ready for college. And sometimes they are ready but are just not good at it.Yes. It was wrong that the kid just stopped going to class and wasted mom/dad's money. But she did it. And now it's time to put this behind them and help this girl get settled into the NEW direction of her life. (And that should include eventually paying back mom/dad for the wasted semester at school.)

If I were OP, I might even allude to knowing that this what my DD did...so as to give the DD a path to "spilling the beans."

She won't tell me and neither will the school. I thought she was leading to go back to the dorms in a few weeks

I felt a weird vibe when I started talking about the tuition payment. She said she would handle it herself. She just wanted me to hand over $19,000 to her. When I told her I would just do it online like last time she freaked out

She admitted to being expelled. I didn't even want to believe her at first until she showed me part of the official email she got from the school. She can go back in a year after having a hearing but she doesn't want to

She keeps saying she did nothing wrong and they are overreacting which I doubt is the case

So she has been home lying about school and how her classes are and being excited to go back. She said her plan was to take the money for school and get her own place and pretend like she was still taking classes

I'm not even sure how to handle this situation or what to do. She has no job and kicking her out doesn't seem like a good option with how hot it is. The shelters are full and she doesn't have many friends here

I'm in shock

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.

Just dropping out and being expelled are two completely different things.

[Anonymous 6]

Yes. You're correct. But at this point, I don't know if I would trust that OP's DD is telling her the whole story or the truth at all. She may have been expelled. OR...She may just be telling her mom that story. OP will find out the truth, eventually.

THIS! A thousand times...THIS!

I'd be willing to bet that this is precisely what happened with OP's DD, too! It happens more frequently than anyone would ever imagine.

Sometimes, kids just aren't ready for college. And sometimes they are ready but are just not good at it.Yes. It was wrong that the kid just stopped going to class and wasted mom/dad's money. But she did it. And now it's time to put this behind them and help this girl get settled into the NEW direction of her life. (And that should include eventually paying back mom/dad for the wasted semester at school.)

If I were OP, I might even allude to knowing that this what my DD did...so as to give the DD a path to "spilling the beans."

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.

Just dropping out and being expelled are two completely different things.

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

THIS! A thousand times...THIS!

I'd be willing to bet that this is precisely what happened with OP's DD, too! It happens more frequently than anyone would ever imagine.

Sometimes, kids just aren't ready for college. And sometimes they are ready but are just not good at it.Yes. It was wrong that the kid just stopped going to class and wasted mom/dad's money. But she did it. And now it's time to put this behind them and help this girl get settled into the NEW direction of her life. (And that should include eventually paying back mom/dad for the wasted semester at school.)

If I were OP, I might even allude to knowing that this what my DD did...so as to give the DD a path to "spilling the beans."

She won't tell me and neither will the school. I thought she was leading to go back to the dorms in a few weeks

I felt a weird vibe when I started talking about the tuition payment. She said she would handle it herself. She just wanted me to hand over $19,000 to her. When I told her I would just do it online like last time she freaked out

She admitted to being expelled. I didn't even want to believe her at first until she showed me part of the official email she got from the school. She can go back in a year after having a hearing but she doesn't want to

She keeps saying she did nothing wrong and they are overreacting which I doubt is the case

So she has been home lying about school and how her classes are and being excited to go back. She said her plan was to take the money for school and get her own place and pretend like she was still taking classes

I'm not even sure how to handle this situation or what to do. She has no job and kicking her out doesn't seem like a good option with how hot it is. The shelters are full and she doesn't have many friends here

I'm in shock

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.

I think most of what happened with my friend's daughter was that she went pre-med and all she talked about was being a doctor and everyone was oh-so impressed. So to her way of thinking, something as mundane as D in biochem was the end of her world. It's a shame...if she'd have simply changed her major, she could have been one hell of a teacher.

But did you see the part where OP said DD is REFUSING to get a job? Oh dear...I think that little girl needs a hard lesson in how things work here on planet Earth.

[LiveWhatULove]

Wow, you seem very calm. I would be devastated, has she always struggled with responsibility?

I would clearly set some boundaries of what it will cost to live at home, how everything she owns would be repossessed for lack of payment. Including phone, clothes, vehicle, etc.

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

Op if by chance there is a legals aspect of all of this you may be able to find the info at the court house in the county the school is in. Most of the time that can be found online.

i can only speak for the uni i work at, but suspension/expulsion is not a legal matter and local jurisdictions won't touch it. it's between the student and the school. the student would have to have a case for misconduct by the school and even then i'm not sure they would touch it. but there is always an appeals process the student can go through with the school.

Funny story...when my daughter was gearing up for her freshman year, I kept saying that I really needed to get the FERPA form for her to sign...it's just the smart thing to do. But I never did. Now my son will be starting college next month, and I just now printed up the form and had him sign it!!

[LiveWhatULove]

Based on the wording I'd say cheating/plagiarism.


But do they expel people based on that?

This was my thought. And yes, depending on the school and the proof, they absolutely do expel for academic dishonesty, especially if it is a second offense.

[carterscutie85]

There would be no way someone would live in my home who flat out refuses to get a job. She said she wanted the money to live off of, what was her plan when it ran out if she won't work?

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

THIS! A thousand times...THIS!

I'd be willing to bet that this is precisely what happened with OP's DD, too! It happens more frequently than anyone would ever imagine.

Sometimes, kids just aren't ready for college. And sometimes they are ready but are just not good at it.Yes. It was wrong that the kid just stopped going to class and wasted mom/dad's money. But she did it. And now it's time to put this behind them and help this girl get settled into the NEW direction of her life. (And that should include eventually paying back mom/dad for the wasted semester at school.)

If I were OP, I might even allude to knowing that this what my DD did...so as to give the DD a path to "spilling the beans."

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.

Just dropping out and being expelled are two completely different things.

You are correct. But I still stand by the looking-forward aspect here. Adults are allowed to make bad decisions. Finding out what those bad decisions were is not necessary in order to plan what comes next.

But this "refusing" to get a job nonsense...that's absurd.

[CrazyJenn]

Yea, at the very least she'd have to get a job.

Work or GTFO!

[Anonymous 6]

Yes. That's a shame about that med student. I hope she found a different career that she loves.

The bit about OP's daughter refusing to get a job...I would give this kid a moment to collect herself and then she'd be getting a job. Unless there's a obvious mental issue going on here, I don't know what I'd do if my daughter absolutely refused to get a job.

I wish OP would weigh in on whether or not that (re: mental issues) might be a possibility. Either way, it sounds like this girl needs help/guidance.

THIS! A thousand times...THIS!

I'd be willing to bet that this is precisely what happened with OP's DD, too! It happens more frequently than anyone would ever imagine.

Sometimes, kids just aren't ready for college. And sometimes they are ready but are just not good at it.Yes. It was wrong that the kid just stopped going to class and wasted mom/dad's money. But she did it. And now it's time to put this behind them and help this girl get settled into the NEW direction of her life. (And that should include eventually paying back mom/dad for the wasted semester at school.)

If I were OP, I might even allude to knowing that this what my DD did...so as to give the DD a path to "spilling the beans."

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.

I think most of what happened with my friend's daughter was that she went pre-med and all she talked about was being a doctor and everyone was oh-so impressed. So to her way of thinking, something as mundane as D in biochem was the end of her world. It's a shame...if she'd have simply changed her major, she could have been one hell of a teacher.

But did you see the part where OP said DD is REFUSING to get a job? Oh dear...I think that little girl needs a hard lesson in how things work here on planet Earth.