Being considered a victim makes me angry

[Deleted User 172]

I don’t know how to explain myself. I’m starting to understand that my entire relationship was filled with emotional and verbal abuse. I know I need to get over my denial but the idea that I’m anyone’s victim makes me so angry.

Understood.

[Anon]

I don’t know how to explain myself. I’m starting to understand that my entire relationship was filled with emotional and verbal abuse. I know I need to get over my denial but the idea that I’m anyone’s victim makes me so angry.

I am not sure I understand your post - are you resentful of the label "victim" or are you finding it hard to accept that you didn't see the abuse as it was happening?

A lot of both

[Deleted User 670]

I keep feeling like my ex has taken everything from us. He has shattered our sense of security. My husband has always been the one to make sure the alarm is on and the doors are locked. Now I do it. I check twice before I go to bed.

I used to think I was a good mom and doing everything right. But now I feel like this is my fault. I feel like maybe I was just crazy and stupid all along. I must have missed warning signs. I look back and wonder about things he has said and done...maybe he was setting me up and I didn't realize it. He has stolen from me my sense of being a good, loving, protective mom.

But at the same time, I know i'm doing all the right things now. I told the police. I told CPS. I am getting a lawyer. I got her counseling. I'm going to get counseling for myself. I don't want to be his victim. He has messed with our life enough. I'm done. I want him out of our lives forever. I don't want to question or doubt myself because of him- he's a loser. I'm a good person. We don't deserve to feel this way.

My husband has cried three times in the last few days. I've never seen him cry like that before. He punched a wall and almost broke his hand, he's so angry at what my ex has done. I don't want him to feel like I feel. I don't want him to feel like this is his fault.

I'm determined not to let this mess up our lives, my children's lives. Everything was going so well. We won't be his victims. I hate him. I want to rage at him. I want to tear him apart. But I have to make sure we pick up the pieces and keep going.

When this is all said and done, you need to sue his ass for compensation for all medical expenses, even if the DA does his/her job and he ends up in jail. Assets can be liquidated.

[Nopeville]

I keep feeling like my ex has taken everything from us. He has shattered our sense of security. My husband has always been the one to make sure the alarm is on and the doors are locked. Now I do it. I check twice before I go to bed.

I used to think I was a good mom and doing everything right. But now I feel like this is my fault. I feel like maybe I was just crazy and stupid all along. I must have missed warning signs. I look back and wonder about things he has said and done...maybe he was setting me up and I didn't realize it. He has stolen from me my sense of being a good, loving, protective mom.

But at the same time, I know i'm doing all the right things now. I told the police. I told CPS. I am getting a lawyer. I got her counseling. I'm going to get counseling for myself. I don't want to be his victim. He has messed with our life enough. I'm done. I want him out of our lives forever. I don't want to question or doubt myself because of him- he's a loser. I'm a good person. We don't deserve to feel this way.

My husband has cried three times in the last few days. I've never seen him cry like that before. He punched a wall and almost broke his hand, he's so angry at what my ex has done. I don't want him to feel like I feel. I don't want him to feel like this is his fault.

I'm determined not to let this mess up our lives, my children's lives. Everything was going so well. We won't be his victims. I hate him. I want to rage at him. I want to tear him apart. But I have to make sure we pick up the pieces and keep going.

Oh, my heart hurts for you and everyone in your family. I'm so sorry. Please remember that you did nothing wrong. Your daughter did nothing wrong. Your husband did nothing wrong. The hallmark of a true abuser is someone who makes their victims feel somehow at fault. You did everything you did with the knowledge you had then. You're doing right thing with the knowledge you have now. It will get better, I promise.

[SeekingPeace]

... "the idea that I’m anyone’s victim makes me so angry."

Here's something that might make you feel a little bit better:

If you are no longer with him, you are LESS of a victim today than you were yesterday!

[SeekingPeace]

I like what YOU said better than what I just said!

If you left that abusive relationship then you’re not a victim, you’re a survivor and a warrior. Don’t let anyone make you feel like a victim and correct them if they say you’re one.

[mrsmacgiver]

I keep feeling like my ex has taken everything from us. He has shattered our sense of security. My husband has always been the one to make sure the alarm is on and the doors are locked. Now I do it. I check twice before I go to bed.

I used to think I was a good mom and doing everything right. But now I feel like this is my fault. I feel like maybe I was just crazy and stupid all along. I must have missed warning signs. I look back and wonder about things he has said and done...maybe he was setting me up and I didn't realize it. He has stolen from me my sense of being a good, loving, protective mom.

But at the same time, I know i'm doing all the right things now. I told the police. I told CPS. I am getting a lawyer. I got her counseling. I'm going to get counseling for myself. I don't want to be his victim. He has messed with our life enough. I'm done. I want him out of our lives forever. I don't want to question or doubt myself because of him- he's a loser. I'm a good person. We don't deserve to feel this way.

My husband has cried three times in the last few days. I've never seen him cry like that before. He punched a wall and almost broke his hand, he's so angry at what my ex has done. I don't want him to feel like I feel. I don't want him to feel like this is his fault.

I'm determined not to let this mess up our lives, my children's lives. Everything was going so well. We won't be his victims. I hate him. I want to rage at him. I want to tear him apart. But I have to make sure we pick up the pieces and keep going.

Oh, my heart hurts for you and everyone in your family. I'm so sorry. Please remember that you did nothing wrong. Your daughter did nothing wrong. Your husband did nothing wrong. The hallmark of a true abuser is someone who makes their victims feel somehow at fault. You did everything you did with the knowledge you had then. You're doing right thing with the knowledge you have now. It will get better, I promise.

Thank you. I have a counseling appointment today at 2:30.