My daughter tried to shoplift today ***UPDATE***

[Linda_Runs]

This is not unusual at all and most kids never do it again, especially once caught. If your sister made a deal with her she should honor it. Unless you think your child is having issues where she is using stealing as a release, then speak to her doctor.

Is it common at 9? I did not know that. I thought it was common in younger kids or teens. I thought this age had a pretty good moral compass. But I am not expert. Idk, it would be very upsetting to me.

There are no hard statistics in Canada for child or youth shoplifting other than 66 percent of shoplifters are female. The problem with statistics of shoplifters under 16 is that many of these incidents are not officially reported and almost all under 13 are not reported.

[Inmybizz]

My child I would confront her about the theft and lying.

Honesty is one of the top three cornerstone principles in this family. From the earliest ages, my two girl knew in advance the grief they would face if they ever were got stealing or shoplifting.

You are damn right that I would confront my child for theft and lying too!

I can’t think of one family member that would excuse that behavior or cover it up. I know for a fact they would tell me immediately or tell my daughter she better come clean ASAP.

[cellomom26]

Of course you need to confront her.

How is this even a question?

Why are parents afraid to be parents? You aren't her friend you are a parent. Act like a parent.

[Deleted User 1393]

Tough call.
It would all depend on the relationship I had with my child.

[EarlGrayHot]

Your sister should not have made that promise. I'd be talking to your daughter about this AND about all the other things you know she has been doing. For shoplifting she deserves serious punishment.

[Anonymous 3]

Is it common at 9? I did not know that. I thought it was common in younger kids or teens. I thought this age had a pretty good moral compass. But I am not expert. Idk, it would be very upsetting to me.

I don’t think morals come into play at that age or even with teens. It’s upsetting of course but doesn’t predict a life of crime.

One of my friends as a teen stole clothes all the time. I mean all the time. She grew out of it became a lawyer and has great kids.

I am going to agree to disagree with you, there are many lawyers and other professionals and parents that have a lack of morals. Stealing is wrong, it has significant consequences and to show no remorse and continue to do it repeatedly, does show a lack of moral compass. You cannot convince me otherwise.

Many lawyers and other professionals have no morals. My point was she was a teen who stopped as an adult. Teens do things that they will be ashamed of as adults. Unless they are really just immoral dishonest people, then I guess they will continue.

[LiveWhatULove]

I don’t think morals come into play at that age or even with teens. It’s upsetting of course but doesn’t predict a life of crime.

One of my friends as a teen stole clothes all the time. I mean all the time. She grew out of it became a lawyer and has great kids.

I am going to agree to disagree with you, there are many lawyers and other professionals and parents that have a lack of morals. Stealing is wrong, it has significant consequences and to show no remorse and continue to do it repeatedly, does show a lack of moral compass. You cannot convince me otherwise.

Many lawyers and other professionals have no morals. My point was she was a teen who stopped as an adult. Teens do things that they will be ashamed of as adults. Unless they are really just immoral dishonest people, then I guess they will continue.

I agree that teens will do things they are ashamed of as adults, perhaps engage in recreational substances, high risk sexual behaviors, disrespect to authority figures, all things that are developmentally related to pushing boundaries of independence and taking risk. I don't feel stealing falls into the same category as those things, specifically doing it repeatedly. I agree it doesn't doom someone to a life a crime, but it does show a lack of moral teaching, as the person who is stealing, repeatedly takes another's value without consent. It has a large impact, and we should teach our children how immoral the act is, just like we would never stand for murder or rape at that age.

Sorry to rant about it, but just look at the Bernie Madoff scandal, so many "grown adults", who would be described like your friend living a "moral" life, just turned their heads the other way, while he stole and stole lots. They actually helped him steal. He may not have been a murderer, but he ruined so many lives. We as a society should not muddy the water, with normalizing stealing in childhood, as a developmental milestone that people can grow out of, we should teach our children to immediately call it immoral behavior; it is not a harmless error, we should highlight the fact it has significant consequences, so when they face these trials as adults, it is clear to them, what is right and wrong, imo.

[Lotus]

you cant fix anything with a lie so you have to tell her that your sister had second thoughts and mentioned what had happened.

[Anonymous 1]

Of course you need to confront her.

How is this even a question?

Why are parents afraid to be parents? You aren't her friend you are a parent. Act like a parent.

Im sorry but I believe you have been misled.

First, my post was more of a vent.
Second, my question more or less, was to address the best way to handle the problem. I was certainly planning on confronting her about the issue.
Third, I and not afraid of my children. And I am not, nor will I be a friend to my daughter over being a parent to my daughter. My goal is not to be a tyrannical parent, flying off the handle at every infraction in life. My goal, as her parent and not her friend, is to think before I act so that I can use these life moments as teaching moments. Not to just swiftly hand out justice, but to work on her character as well.

[Inmybizz]

Thanks for the update.
I don't think you need to go all into that detailed explanation as to why you are doing what you are doing.. You are her mother and you handle the situation the way YOU see fit..