DD was expelled and I don't know why

[Gorilla_Mama]

I know you’re worried about kicking her out but I’d want answers. She tried to steal thousands of dollars from you. I’d give her the ultimatum of telling me what she did or moving out.

Once you know what happened you can go from there.

[Inmybizz]

If she’s done nothing wrong she can fight being expelled. I find it odd she won’t say what happened.

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

She won't tell me and neither will the school. I thought she was leading to go back to the dorms in a few weeks

I felt a weird vibe when I started talking about the tuition payment. She said she would handle it herself. She just wanted me to hand over $19,000 to her. When I told her I would just do it online like last time she freaked out

She admitted to being expelled. I didn't even want to believe her at first until she showed me part of the official email she got from the school. She can go back in a year after having a hearing but she doesn't want to

She keeps saying she did nothing wrong and they are overreacting which I doubt is the case

So she has been home lying about school and how her classes are and being excited to go back. She said her plan was to take the money for school and get her own place and pretend like she was still taking classes

I'm not even sure how to handle this situation or what to do. She has no job and kicking her out doesn't seem like a good option with how hot it is. The shelters are full and she doesn't have many friends here

I'm in shock

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.

[mojogirl]

Op if by chance there is a legals aspect of all of this you may be able to find the info at the court house in the county the school is in. Most of the time that can be found online.

i can only speak for the uni i work at, but suspension/expulsion is not a legal matter and local jurisdictions won't touch it. it's between the student and the school. the student would have to have a case for misconduct by the school and even then i'm not sure they would touch it. but there is always an appeals process the student can go through with the school.

[Anonymous 4]

Based on the wording I'd say cheating/plagiarism.


But do they expel people based on that?

I was thinking this as well. And YES, they do expel people they catch cheating.

OP, does she have friends that you know? That would be your best bet into getting the information on why she was expelled, unless you can get the school to actually tell you. Shit, if the parents are the ones paying out thousands of $$ they should be willing to say SOMEthing.

[Anonymous 5]

I would only agree to let her stay if she was honest about the reason for her expulsion and was willing get a job.

I’d probably have her see a counselor as well.

[Anonymous 6]

Whatever happened, you will find out soon enough, I'm sure. Do a google search on her name and see if anything pops up. Go to the college's website and look at the past 6 months of campus police reports.

But...I would not kick her out. Yes, it's wrong that she lied to you and it's wrong that she was going to attempt to apply her tuition to her own housing somewhere. It sounds like something is seriously wrong with your daughter and right now, she needs your help. I would not press about what happened at this moment except to ask if she might need legal help.

If you have a good relationship with her, she will eventually want to tell you. I'd tell her, "Let's figure this out together so that we can get you in a better spot than what you are now."

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

Hold the phone...REFUSING TO GET A JOB???

Close the checkbook. Cancel her phone. Sell her car. Issue a 30 day eviction notice.

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

Op if by chance there is a legals aspect of all of this you may be able to find the info at the court house in the county the school is in. Most of the time that can be found online.

i can only speak for the uni i work at, but suspension/expulsion is not a legal matter and local jurisdictions won't touch it. it's between the student and the school. the student would have to have a case for misconduct by the school and even then i'm not sure they would touch it. but there is always an appeals process the student can go through with the school.

I meant more along the lines of drug problems, if she was suspended over that I’d imagine there would be a legal aspect of it.

Expulsion over say, cheating, of course wouldn’t bring law enforcement into it.

[Anonymous 6]

THIS! A thousand times...THIS!

I'd be willing to bet that this is precisely what happened with OP's DD, too! It happens more frequently than anyone would ever imagine.

Sometimes, kids just aren't ready for college. And sometimes they are ready but are just not good at it.Yes. It was wrong that the kid just stopped going to class and wasted mom/dad's money. But she did it. And now it's time to put this behind them and help this girl get settled into the NEW direction of her life. (And that should include eventually paying back mom/dad for the wasted semester at school.)

If I were OP, I might even allude to knowing that this what my DD did...so as to give the DD a path to "spilling the beans."

She won't tell me and neither will the school. I thought she was leading to go back to the dorms in a few weeks

I felt a weird vibe when I started talking about the tuition payment. She said she would handle it herself. She just wanted me to hand over $19,000 to her. When I told her I would just do it online like last time she freaked out

She admitted to being expelled. I didn't even want to believe her at first until she showed me part of the official email she got from the school. She can go back in a year after having a hearing but she doesn't want to

She keeps saying she did nothing wrong and they are overreacting which I doubt is the case

So she has been home lying about school and how her classes are and being excited to go back. She said her plan was to take the money for school and get her own place and pretend like she was still taking classes

I'm not even sure how to handle this situation or what to do. She has no job and kicking her out doesn't seem like a good option with how hot it is. The shelters are full and she doesn't have many friends here

I'm in shock

I have a friend whose daughter more or less did this. She wasn't doing well in classes and hated college. So she simply stopped going...after tuition was paid. She also stopped calling her mom and returning calls. So my friend eventually drove to the college town and spent a few days finding her. Turns out she was bartending and staying with a friend. She had no good excuse for ghosting her family, other than "she was embarassed."

The thing that impressed me about my friend here...she was able to get over her daughter's betrayal pretty quickly. I think I would have been stuck wanting a thousand answers to questions that didn't matter anymore. But because she just accepted it and looked forward instead of back, their relationship healed.

Turns out the girl was making plenty of money bartending and was ready to get an apartment together with another friend. It's been a few years now and she is doing okay and seems happy.

So if this happened to me, I'd try to take a page from my friend's book and look forward. Don't kick her out, but sit down with a notepad and a calculator and figure out together how much money she will need to move out, how long it will take for her to reasonably save that, and create an exit strategy and set a firm move-out date. Work out things like how long you will pay for her phone, car insurance, or whatever you're already paying. Your girl doesn't want to go to college anymore...help her with Plan B.