Confessional time

[Anonymous 1]

I've said many times in the past that I am done with having kids. But the truth is, I want one more. When my husband and I were engaged, we talked about having a family and we both agreed we wanted 4 kids. After having our third, he is done. I am not and its killing me on the inside. I know most of you all won't understand. Why can't I be happy with the kids I have? Why do I need 4 kids? First off, I am very happy with the kids we have. But why I "need" 4 kids is harder to explain. I feel like Im missing someone. Like there is someone missing from the picture. I understand that seems insane, but I dont know how else to describe it. Something is not complete. And its really heartbreaking for me even though I try to push it back and reason with myself. Thats why I pretend and tell people Im done. I guess trying to convince myself. Yes, I know I should get counseling for it, but I doubt it would help. Pretty sure Im just going to end up resentful, but I guess its better than having someone resentful of me.

And please dont come at me with the "you know how many people wish to have one child". That's just so rude to say. Yes I feel for those people. But that doesn't invalidate my feelings. My feelings are no less than anyone else's because someone else may be less fortunate than I am. It's always so rude to throw something like that in someones face. All of our struggles are different. It doesn't make anyone's struggles in life less valid. So if you had issues having just one child or are having issues conceiving a child of your own, Im sorry. But I have a right to how I feel and I have a right to voice it just as much as anyone else's. Its good to get things out in the open. And thats what Im doing here. Getting something off my chest because that is what this is for. And I cant talk about this with anyone I know. Hopefully it will help me move on. I'll try and find a hobby or something. I dont know. Im just feeling sad about it today.

A deals a deal. Did he get a vasectomy?

He said he would like for me to get my tubes tied rather than him getting a vasectomy. He has heard horror stories of those going wrong and it taking some men a year or more to recover.

[Anonymous 4]

I've said many times in the past that I am done with having kids. But the truth is, I want one more. When my husband and I were engaged, we talked about having a family and we both agreed we wanted 4 kids. After having our third, he is done. I am not and its killing me on the inside. I know most of you all won't understand. Why can't I be happy with the kids I have? Why do I need 4 kids? First off, I am very happy with the kids we have. But why I "need" 4 kids is harder to explain. I feel like Im missing someone. Like there is someone missing from the picture. I understand that seems insane, but I dont know how else to describe it. Something is not complete. And its really heartbreaking for me even though I try to push it back and reason with myself. Thats why I pretend and tell people Im done. I guess trying to convince myself. Yes, I know I should get counseling for it, but I doubt it would help. Pretty sure Im just going to end up resentful, but I guess its better than having someone resentful of me.

And please dont come at me with the "you know how many people wish to have one child". That's just so rude to say. Yes I feel for those people. But that doesn't invalidate my feelings. My feelings are no less than anyone else's because someone else may be less fortunate than I am. It's always so rude to throw something like that in someones face. All of our struggles are different. It doesn't make anyone's struggles in life less valid. So if you had issues having just one child or are having issues conceiving a child of your own, Im sorry. But I have a right to how I feel and I have a right to voice it just as much as anyone else's. Its good to get things out in the open. And thats what Im doing here. Getting something off my chest because that is what this is for. And I cant talk about this with anyone I know. Hopefully it will help me move on. I'll try and find a hobby or something. I dont know. Im just feeling sad about it today.

A deals a deal. Did he get a vasectomy?

He said he would like for me to get my tubes tied rather than him getting a vacectomy. He has heard horror stories of those going wrong and it taking some men a year or more to recover.

Like I said....A deals a deal.
You both agreed on 4 kids, he changed the plan 3/4 to the finish line which isnt fair to you.
I would "accidentally" get pregnant and after the baby is born then decide together who gets snipped/tied or burned

[QuantumNursing]

A deals a deal. Did he get a vasectomy?

He said he would like for me to get my tubes tied rather than him getting a vacectomy. He has heard horror stories of those going wrong and it taking some men a year or more to recover.

Like I said....A deals a deal.
You both agreed on 4 kids, he changed the plan 3/4 to the finish line which isnt fair to you.
I would "accidentally" get pregnant and after the baby is born then decide together who gets snipped/tied or burned

Worst advice ever. Reproductive coercion is not a good thing. Bringing a Child into a marriage without both sets of parents on board would be horrible.Not to mention the trust issues that her deceiving and lying to him would cause in their marriage. People and circumstances change over time.

[LiveWhatULove]

I am sorry. It’s a loss for you, of the future you thought you would have.

I feel sadness when I reflect, that I will never hold another baby of my own again. And although, it is tolerable, it never really goes away, even though I tell myself, “good grief, lady you had three, and you’re a mess raising them, wth is wrong with you?” The maternal drive can be such a strong force of emotion.

[motoglitter]

I still get sad because I wanted one more, but it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry you are feeling incomplete. Hugs.

[MistressMonster]

A deals a deal. Did he get a vasectomy?

He said he would like for me to get my tubes tied rather than him getting a vacectomy. He has heard horror stories of those going wrong and it taking some men a year or more to recover.

Like I said....A deals a deal.
You both agreed on 4 kids, he changed the plan 3/4 to the finish line which isnt fair to you.
I would "accidentally" get pregnant and after the baby is born then decide together who gets snipped/tied or burned

No, just no. It wasn't written in stone that they had to have 4 children. Things happen, people change/their feelings change.

[MistressMonster]

I've said many times in the past that I am done with having kids. But the truth is, I want one more. When my husband and I were engaged, we talked about having a family and we both agreed we wanted 4 kids. After having our third, he is done. I am not and its killing me on the inside. I know most of you all won't understand. Why can't I be happy with the kids I have? Why do I need 4 kids? First off, I am very happy with the kids we have. But why I "need" 4 kids is harder to explain. I feel like Im missing someone. Like there is someone missing from the picture. I understand that seems insane, but I dont know how else to describe it. Something is not complete. And its really heartbreaking for me even though I try to push it back and reason with myself. Thats why I pretend and tell people Im done. I guess trying to convince myself. Yes, I know I should get counseling for it, but I doubt it would help. Pretty sure Im just going to end up resentful, but I guess its better than having someone resentful of me.

And please dont come at me with the "you know how many people wish to have one child". That's just so rude to say. Yes I feel for those people. But that doesn't invalidate my feelings. My feelings are no less than anyone else's because someone else may be less fortunate than I am. It's always so rude to throw something like that in someones face. All of our struggles are different. It doesn't make anyone's struggles in life less valid. So if you had issues having just one child or are having issues conceiving a child of your own, Im sorry. But I have a right to how I feel and I have a right to voice it just as much as anyone else's. Its good to get things out in the open. And thats what Im doing here. Getting something off my chest because that is what this is for. And I cant talk about this with anyone I know. Hopefully it will help me move on. I'll try and find a hobby or something. I dont know. Im just feeling sad about it today.

A deals a deal. Did he get a vasectomy?

He said he would like for me to get my tubes tied rather than him getting a vasectomy. He has heard horror stories of those going wrong and it taking some men a year or more to recover.

Hubby getting snipped was the best thing ever. Recovery was as smooth as silk.

[Anonymous 3]

What are your DH’s concerns about having another child? Would it put pressure on family finances?

No issues with finances. At first he just said that after our last child he had a change of mind. More recently he said it's because of time. He doesn't want to be too old to do anything once the kids are grown. He wants us to be able to travel and enjoy life before we get too old to do it. He is 38.

How old is your youngest?

[Maggie]

I totally understand. I needed a 3rd, I couldn’t explain the need, but until we had him I didn’t feel like we were complete as a family.
How old is your 3rd?? Do you think if you give him time he’ll come around?

[Anonymous 5]

You can still travel and do things with children. DH and I leave our children with grandparents to take vacations as a couple. We leave them with babysitters to go on date nights. My older kids spend a few days with their friends sometimes when DH and I take a trip without them. We take family trips of course but DH and I are individuals, besides a mother and a father, and we like our alone time. I have six children and I wasn’t going to wait for them all to be grown and out of the house before vacationing alone with my husband. I also didn’t want to have less children so I had to come up with a plan to be away from them at times. I was honest with DH from day one. I’ve always wanted 6 kids. It was a big dream of mine. I told him I was prepared to have children with or without him. It seems extreme but it’s the truth. I always said that if he changed his mind on me I was prepared to be a single parent. Luckily it never had to come to that.