My daughter tried to shoplift today ***UPDATE***

[Anonymous 3]

This is not unusual at all and most kids never do it again, especially once caught. If your sister made a deal with her she should honor it. Unless you think your child is having issues where she is using stealing as a release, then speak to her doctor.

Is it common at 9? I did not know that. I thought it was common in younger kids or teens. I thought this age had a pretty good moral compass. But I am not expert. Idk, it would be very upsetting to me.

I don’t think morals come into play at that age or even with teens. It’s upsetting of course but doesn’t predict a life of crime.

One of my friends as a teen stole clothes all the time. I mean all the time. She grew out of it became a lawyer and has great kids.

[Anonymous 1]

This is not unusual at all and most kids never do it again, especially once caught. If your sister made a deal with her she should honor it. Unless you think your child is having issues where she is using stealing as a release, then speak to her doctor.

I understand what you are saying. I tried my hand at shoplifting as a young teen, but that was more of a peer pressure thing, and I did it to try and look cool because the other kids were doing it. It was stupid, but I knew what I was doing was wrong and I did feel bad about it. I never did it again after.

The problem I have here is, I feel like its something more. I cant really articulate it accurately, but I have this feeling that there is something else going on. Even when she has done smaller things in the past that she has gotten her into trouble, I dont really feel like she cares. Like it doesnt register with her. Its like the other day when she stuffed toilet paper down the drain of the sink and brought a bag of flower in the bathroom. She lied to me about it, and it wasnt like she was scared she was going to get in trouble. It was more like she knew she was going to get away with it, and it didnt bother her. I still dont know why she did it, she said she doesnt know why. She did get into trouble for that because she lied several times to me about it and there was no, not even an ounce, of remorse or anything. There was just nothing there. The only thing that upset her was that she got into trouble for lying.

[LiveWhatULove]

I am really sorry.

I think it would just break the trust with your sister. And use it as example, “how does that make you feel, you were lied to? Do you see the ramifications of lies? The damage to the relationship? Do you trust auntie now?“

Shoplifting at 9, Idk, I have a 9 year old. He has challenges but I cannot imagine him trying to steal. At that developmental age, they should be the past the impulsive ego of a younger child but not yet influenced by teen risk taking. I apologize but I find this to be a serious issue. Not to sound dramatic but I would be concerned for major issues or delays in her foundational value system that should be well established by this point, and should help guide the child through tween & teen years.

Good luck!

If he has challenges then maybe not. A study showed about 33% of kids and / or teens have shoplifted at least once. And most parents have the “not my kid” mentality.

I would agree with that, it’s the age that threw me, if that makes sense. Little kids sure, teens absolutely, school age, I thought the rates were lower.

[LuckyEightWow]

I would not want to break the trust my child has with my sister. There should always be one other person a child can trust, outside of a parent, even in bad times. If you trust your sister, trust that she handled it in that moment.

[LiveWhatULove]

This is not unusual at all and most kids never do it again, especially once caught. If your sister made a deal with her she should honor it. Unless you think your child is having issues where she is using stealing as a release, then speak to her doctor.

Is it common at 9? I did not know that. I thought it was common in younger kids or teens. I thought this age had a pretty good moral compass. But I am not expert. Idk, it would be very upsetting to me.

I don’t think morals come into play at that age or even with teens. It’s upsetting of course but doesn’t predict a life of crime.

One of my friends as a teen stole clothes all the time. I mean all the time. She grew out of it became a lawyer and has great kids.

I am going to agree to disagree with you, there are many lawyers and other professionals and parents that have a lack of morals. Stealing is wrong, it has significant consequences and to show no remorse and continue to do it repeatedly, does show a lack of moral compass. You cannot convince me otherwise.

[Anonymous 4]

First, if your sister gave her word, she should have honored it, and not told. It was a simple thing, it can be handled without it becoming a federal case, and it's really not that unusual for a 9, 10 year old to take some small item. I would ask my sister, to tell my daughter, that she is not comfortable keeping the secret from you, and that the daughter needs to tell you or then she will.

Like someone else said, if you trust your sister, you need to trust she handled it. Frankly, keep in mind that your daughter is reaching the age when she not always feel comfortable coming to you. It is extremely important that she has someone she can feel comfortable talking too. When my nieces and nephews would come to me, we talked, and the talked always began and ended with me reminding them that they could talk to there parents. It's not a statement about your parenting, it's a stage of growing up.

[Anonymous 2]

I am really sorry.

I think it would just break the trust with your sister. And use it as example, “how does that make you feel, you were lied to? Do you see the ramifications of lies? The damage to the relationship? Do you trust auntie now?“

Shoplifting at 9, Idk, I have a 9 year old. He has challenges but I cannot imagine him trying to steal. At that developmental age, they should be the past the impulsive ego of a younger child but not yet influenced by teen risk taking. I apologize but I find this to be a serious issue. Not to sound dramatic but I would be concerned for major issues or delays in her foundational value system that should be well established by this point, and should help guide the child through tween & teen years.

Good luck!

If he has challenges then maybe not. A study showed about 33% of kids and / or teens have shoplifted at least once. And most parents have the “not my kid” mentality.

You misread that info:

Shoplifting accounts for about 33% of all total inventory shrinkage (damage, loss, employee theft, expiration, etc. are all other reasons for inventory shrinkage.)

You might think that shoplifting is an indiscretion of youth, but only 25% of shoplifters are kids. That means that 75% are fully grown adults!

[Anonymous 5]

Not one shit would be given by me. My kid would be taken back to the store, made to apologize and then taken to the police station for a nice little chat about how shoplifters go to jail. Then she'd be working off 10 times the price of the candy bar. Call me harsh but I do not deal with thieving little jackasses.

[Linda_Runs]

This is not unusual at all and most kids never do it again, especially once caught. If your sister made a deal with her she should honor it. Unless you think your child is having issues where she is using stealing as a release, then speak to her doctor.

Is it common at 9? I did not know that. I thought it was common in younger kids or teens. I thought this age had a pretty good moral compass. But I am not expert. Idk, it would be very upsetting to me.

I don’t think morals come into play at that age or even with teens. It’s upsetting of course but doesn’t predict a life of crime.

One of my friends as a teen stole clothes all the time. I mean all the time. She grew out of it became a lawyer and has great kids.

This reply reminded me of me. I was caught for shoplifting four days after I turned 13. The lesson had an impact on me. When I was 18 I joined the Naval Reserve and continued on to a degree in law and a couple others. I also have two great kids.

[Linda_Runs]

My child I would confront her about the theft and lying.

Honesty is one of the top three cornerstone principles in this family. From the earliest ages, my two girl knew in advance the grief they would face if they ever were got stealing or shoplifting.

You are damn right that I would confront my child for theft and lying too!