DD was expelled and I don't know why

[jas]

Then she either tells you or she can leave. Give the ultimatum. She is living under YOUR roof. It's not a right, it's a privilege. She either tells you why she was expelled and gets a job for the year she will be out of school or she leaves.

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

time to change up your plans for her. If she stays in your home, she works full time and repays you last semester's lost $. she also pays rent and reasonable living costs (food/bills/car insurance etc) you and her dad figure out how to get that information from the school, or get it from her, discuss and address it. unless she flunked out there would have to be a solid reason for expulsion. schools do not just expel for vague reasons.

There is no way for us to get info from the school unless she gives permission. She said it is none of our business.

We live in a pretty high cost of living area so if we rent to her it is likely she will never leave. At least that is my concern. She already said she isn't getting a job. I feel trapped. Part of me thinks the only way is to kick her out but I'm worried about what would happen if I did.

You’re enabling her. That’s not going to help her become a productive member of society.

You set expectations for her like:

1) she has 2 weeks to find a FULL time job.
2) she must enroll AT HER EXPENSE for the spring semester at the local community college.

If those two aren’t met she must move out.


She may fall, she may sleep in her car or outside in a tent for a day or so or maybe even a bit longer but eventually she will realize life sucks like that and will want to better herself. And then, if you’re generous you could offer her the same stipulations you offered her earlier.

[mojogirl]

Is it possible it was over drugs? If so, that needs to be your first focus.

There's a wide variety of reasons she would be suspended. Drugs, unless she was manufacturing and/or distributing them, is not a likely reason she would have been suspended. On the campus I work in at least, if she's eligible to be reinstated she was suspended, not expelled.

[Deleted User 172]

Based on the wording I'd say cheating/plagiarism.


But do they expel people based on that?

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

Op if by chance there is a legals aspect of all of this you may be able to find the info at the court house in the county the school is in. Most of the time that can be found online.

[Anonymous 1]

time to change up your plans for her. If she stays in your home, she works full time and repays you last semester's lost $. she also pays rent and reasonable living costs (food/bills/car insurance etc) you and her dad figure out how to get that information from the school, or get it from her, discuss and address it. unless she flunked out there would have to be a solid reason for expulsion. schools do not just expel for vague reasons.

There is no way for us to get info from the school unless she gives permission. She said it is none of our business.

We live in a pretty high cost of living area so if we rent to her it is likely she will never leave. At least that is my concern. She already said she isn't getting a job. I feel trapped. Part of me thinks the only way is to kick her out but I'm worried about what would happen if I did.

You’re enabling her. That’s not going to help her become a productive member of society.

You set expectations for her like:

1) she has 2 weeks to find a FULL time job.
2) she must enroll AT HER EXPENSE for the spring semester at the local community college.

If those two aren’t met she must move out.


She may fall, she may sleep in her car or outside in a tent for a day or so or maybe even a bit longer but eventually she will realize life sucks like that and will want to better herself. And then, if you’re generous you could offer her the same stipulations you offered her earlier.

As much as I am worried about it I think telling her to move out is the only option.

I can't enforce those things but I can enforce her moving out

I am not trying to enable her. If we didn't live somewhere where it was 115 degrees most of the summer I wouldn't feel bad at all.

[Anonymous 2]

Is it possible it was over drugs? If so, that needs to be your first focus.

I mean I guess it could be. I haven't noticed any signs of drug use but I didn't notice she was expelled either

What would you recommend I do? I doubt she would take a drug test if I asked

I read your other comment about her refusing to get a job. Everything combined makes me wonder if there might be a mental health issue contributing to the problem. I'm assuming this is out of character for her. You need some input from a professional before you proceed.

[stilltfez]

time to change up your plans for her. If she stays in your home, she works full time and repays you last semester's lost $. she also pays rent and reasonable living costs (food/bills/car insurance etc) you and her dad figure out how to get that information from the school, or get it from her, discuss and address it. unless she flunked out there would have to be a solid reason for expulsion. schools do not just expel for vague reasons.

There is no way for us to get info from the school unless she gives permission. She said it is none of our business.

We live in a pretty high cost of living area so if we rent to her it is likely she will never leave. At least that is my concern. She already said she isn't getting a job. I feel trapped. Part of me thinks the only way is to kick her out but I'm worried about what would happen if I did.

so basically you think she has you by the curlies...

who pays her car insurance? who owns that damn car? who pays her phone? her internet? who gives her spending $$? that crap is a privilege not a right.

[Olioxenfree]

I would tell her that this is not how I raised her, lying, trying to steal thousands of dollars from me, so she can either work on turning this around right now and stay here by following the conditions that she has to tell me what happened, she has to get a job and pay for her own expenses, and she has to make a plan to go back to a school or she can take this as her eviction notice and she has 30 days to figure something else out and get out. I would tell her that I love her and want what's best for her, but I can only help her if she's willing to work with me.

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

There is no way for us to get info from the school unless she gives permission. She said it is none of our business.

We live in a pretty high cost of living area so if we rent to her it is likely she will never leave. At least that is my concern. She already said she isn't getting a job. I feel trapped. Part of me thinks the only way is to kick her out but I'm worried about what would happen if I did.

You’re enabling her. That’s not going to help her become a productive member of society.

You set expectations for her like:

1) she has 2 weeks to find a FULL time job.
2) she must enroll AT HER EXPENSE for the spring semester at the local community college.

If those two aren’t met she must move out.


She may fall, she may sleep in her car or outside in a tent for a day or so or maybe even a bit longer but eventually she will realize life sucks like that and will want to better herself. And then, if you’re generous you could offer her the same stipulations you offered her earlier.

As much as I am worried about it I think telling her to move out is the only option.

I can't enforce those things but I can enforce her moving out

I am not trying to enable her. If we didn't live somewhere where it was 115 degrees most of the summer I wouldn't feel bad at all.

I understand the hesitation, I live in Houston where the feels like temps have hit 106 several times this month.

I imagine that a day or so out in the heat may be her ‘rock bottom’ and she may decide that living at home and adhering to rules like finding a job is a much better alternative than baking in the heat all day.