What is fair?

[Anonymous 1]

Let's say you're buying a property with only one of your adult children. A family compound type of property on large acreage with multiple homes. One of your children will eventually live there with you. Your other child lives out of state and does not call or visit.

You sell your current home and put all of the $300K profit into the new property. Your adult child finances the remaining $300K. You are responsible for coordinating any maintenance, etc., on the property, your child pays for it. Your kid cannot move in right away so you agree to split the mortgage and each pay half for two years. After the two years, the adult children move into one of the homes on the property and take over the entire remainder of the mortgage.

The agreement is that once the adult child moves in and takes over the mortgage, you will only be responsible for maintaining and updating the house you live in, providing your own groceries, and your own medical care. You have enough money in savings to pay for in-home care or a nursing home for a few years and a very modest income from social security. Your adult child understands that if you run out of money to pay for medical care, etc., that they will be solely responsible for it.

How would you update your will? Would you still split your assets 50/50 between your two children? Does that mean that if you are leaving 50% to each of them, then the child who doesn't live here will now have 50% interest in the property? Can they force their sibling to sell the property so they can get their money? The child who financed the property ended up paying more than half (due to interest on the loan) and also take on the responsibility of paying for medical care if you run out of money, so does that mean you would will them 60% and the other child 40%?

Just trying to find a fair compromise.

[Slimshandy]

Equality is best here to maintain the possibility of their relationship after your death.


I’ve seen that kind of thing destroy the remaining family…

[Anonymous 2]

I have 5 kids and I'm facing a very similar situation. I am following to see the replies you get.

[Anonymous 1]

Equality is best here to maintain the possibility of their relationship after your death.


I’ve seen that kind of thing destroy the remaining family…

So, split 50/50, but I only own 50% of the interest in the property, the child who financed should have the other 50%, right? Then when I die, my other child will inherit 50% of my share of the property, so they get 25% of the total value of the property?

The child who is going in on the property with me plans for this to be their forever home. I'm not really sure but none of this seems fair. Maybe a better solution would be for the second child to invest in the property also, that way everyone gets 1/3 and when I pass, my 1/3 interest is split evenly between them. Except that the child who doesn't live in this state is never moving back here.

[Traci_Momof2]

If it were me I would sit down with both children now and talk it out with them. Tell them what options I'm thinking of doing for my will. Get input from both of them to see how they feel about it, who feels like it's fair or not fair, etc. The idea being that the three of us could come to an agreement NOW that all three of us are happy with. Then I could do up my will with what we agreed upon and greatly reduce the risk of arguments upon my death.

Because sitting here and guessing about what's fair doesn't seem like it will accomplish anything.

[Slimshandy]

Equality is best here to maintain the possibility of their relationship after your death.


I’ve seen that kind of thing destroy the remaining family…

So, split 50/50, but I only own 50% of the interest in the property, the child who financed should have the other 50%, right? Then when I die, my other child will inherit 50% of my share of the property, so they get 25% of the total value of the property?

The child who is going in on the property with me plans for this to be their forever home. I'm not really sure but none of this seems fair. Maybe a better solution would be for the second child to invest in the property also, that way everyone gets 1/3 and when I pass, my 1/3 interest is split evenly between them. Except that the child who doesn't live in this state is never moving back here.

Well… the child who already owns half the property would already be keeping their half since it’s already theirs…

So after your death, only what you own would be split 50/50, so technically the first kid would end up with 75% of the property and the other one would get 25%, but that’s an even split of what you owned.


And then everything else would be divided 50/50 also like any remaining bank accounts, jewelry ect…

[Anonymous 3]

That sounds really complicated. I would have the child hold full ownership of mortgage with you gifting $300,000 for downpayment/repair then pay rent to owner of property.

I would then place in your will an equal division of your assets between both children.

I caution against having your child cover care expenses as that could be a substantial burden. Medicare will require you to sell your home before they will cover nursing care. You may consider paying for long-term care insurance.

[Anonymous 4]

Your other child lives out of state and does not call or visit.

Do they communicate with your at all, like letters or email?

If not, why not?