People are calling me petty and jealous because I dont want the other woman in my house

[Anonymous 1]

Did your son want his stepmom there?

No

[Anonymous 4]

I would have told the people that were talking crap to leave. It’s your house you get to choose you is there.

[Anonymous 1]

They are two individual people. My ex had 0 problem coming on his own and he is not one of the people saying rude things. He has actually defended me.

I don't have to invite her to my house to be civil.

You can make whatever assumptions you want but that doesn't mean they are true. Her being there would have made things uncomfortable for my kids and DS didn't want here there anyway

When you invite (or just accept their request to be invited) you should accept the fact that their spouse comes with the deal. That’s being civil. Being “polite” to her when you have to deal with her doesn’t mean you’re being civil towards her. It just means that under those circumstances, you’re not openly hostile. But it’s rude to have someone over to an event and tell them their spouse isn’t welcome.
And I’m sorry, but that really shows you’re still hurting and still resentful. Which, as I said, it’s understandable. And no one who hasn’t been in your shoes has a right to judge you as petty, that’s for sure. But at least be honest with yourself and don’t make excuses for your behavior. Because that will really prevent you from one day putting it behind you if you’re working this hard to convince yourself that you already are passed it and you’re really being civil to her when you obviously aren’t yet.

While I can understand that you’re still feeling hurt for what you did, don’t pretend you’re civil and polite to her if you invite her husband but not her to a party. Just admit that you’re still not in a place where you can actually put that behind you to be civil.

Well I didnt invite him. He asked if he could come and I said okay. I wouldnt have just invited him

That doesnt mean I am not polite and civil when we run into each other or if we are at events together. I dont feel hurt anymore, it was a long time ago. It is a respect thing

[Anonymous 1]

I would have told the people that were talking crap to leave. It’s your house you get to choose you is there.

All of it happened after the party and some of the people weren't even there

[stilltfez]

Did your son want his stepmom there?

No

Then that is the only thing you needed to tell "people". My son preferred his Dad's wife not attend."

[madfoodie]

I will be in the minority and say I would have asked my graduating son what he wanted. If he wanted his father and the wife there for his sake I would have sucked it up. I might have made sure to step on her foot really hard or something though.lol. If son had said I don't want my sm there I would abide by that too.

I agree with this. It's the child's day. It shoukd have been up to the child to decide.

[Deleted User 1018]

I would have invited him, but not her. And if she showed up, ignored her.

[MrsDavidB]

I don’t blame you. It’s your home and you get to decide who is welcome or not.

[Msprekteacher]

Again, the slight was against YOU not the whole family. He stopped being your husband when he cheated not their father and that is where you and many other divorced women drop the ball.

I also asked what they think about her and you projected your feelings on it. How is your sons relationship with his step mother? Not how you think it is but how he feels. Again, it’s not about you. Remember she will be at his wedding and at the birth of the grand children. Thaw the ice now or you may find you are on the outside for the next event.

Neither of my kids would have wanted her there. The slight was against the whole family. She disrespected all of us

It was my son who graduated this year

The larger fat more important question is how did and does your daughter feel? The slight here was to YOU as the wife not to her as the daughter.

If she has a good relationship with her step mother then you need to swallow the hurt and do what is best for her.

My ex and I divorced many years after I caught him cheating. We coparented pretty well. We werent perfect and we both make mistakes but overall I think we did good given the circumstances.

I am civil with the mistress who is now his wife. It took awhile but I am polite to her.

My oldest just graduated and I threw a big graduation party. My ex asked if he can come and I said sure. He asked if his wife can come and I told him no. I dont want her in my house. She disrespected me in a fundamental way. She was my friend before all of it happened. I am not saying it is just her that was wrong, my ex was more in the wrong BUT he is the father of my kids and that is what makes it different.

A lot of his family was going to be there. He was not going to have his own graduation party.

Everything was fine at the party but after some people were talking shit about me about how I was just petty and jealous. I guess it might be seen as petty but that doesnt mean I am jealous. Years ago sure I can admit I was but things turned out for the best for me. I have an amazing husband.

I dont like having people who have disrespected me in my own home. It is one thing when it is the father of my children and it is a big day for them. That I can deal with but it doesnt mean I want his wife there. She burned bridges all those years ago. I burned the bridge that was my marriage to my ex but because we are parenting together I can never completely burn that bridge

I just wanted to vent.

[Anonymous 1]

My kids feel differently. They are not close with her and they do feel like she betrayed them also. You don't control their feeling

You are making assumptions

Again, the slight was against YOU not the whole family. He stopped being your husband when he cheated not their father and that is where you and many other divorced women drop the ball.

I also asked what they think about her and you projected your feelings on it. How is your sons relationship with his step mother? Not how you think it is but how he feels. Again, it’s not about you. Remember she will be at his wedding and at the birth of the grand children. Thaw the ice now or you may find you are on the outside for the next event.

Neither of my kids would have wanted her there. The slight was against the whole family. She disrespected all of us

It was my son who graduated this year

The larger fat more important question is how did and does your daughter feel? The slight here was to YOU as the wife not to her as the daughter.

If she has a good relationship with her step mother then you need to swallow the hurt and do what is best for her.