Something I dont understand

[Msprekteacher]

Ha ha, that was my husband! He hated dressing them because he was afraid he would snap their fingers.

That’s the best! Hold em then give me back

bwahahahaha okay

I probably would not do it for YOU. I only do it for my friends.

I always check with them first obviously. I don't just show up.

So far everyone has taken me up on it. They don't always have me babysit but they always take the food. And they usually have me in and let me hold the baby too. Good times.

I love babies and kids but I am always a bit scared of newborns. They are so tiny and fragile. I hold them a few minutes and hand them back.I prefer babies when they are more durable lol.I really like the 4 to 8 month age range. That is the best phase to me

[Anonymous 3]

When everyone around me was having babies, I was always the one to bring those moms a home cooked meal, too. I also gave each of those moms a certificate for ONE NIGHT OF BABYSITTING. But AS a new mom, I never expected anyone to do the same for me. I think it's one thing for a person to extend a kind gesture and an entirely different thing for someone to expect those gestures.

I've never understood needing help with a baby.

Same. Multiples I guess I could understand, that's a handful. A regular birth and singleton though? Not really. I had a friend try to schedule her own meal train and mothers help for the weeks following the birth of her second. No one signed up.

maybe this is why people like me. I always bring a meal to a new mother. I don't care if its just one easy baby. I also offer to take her older kids out to the park or something to entertain them for her for several hours. I also offer to run to the store for her if she needs anything.

[Anonymous 3]

I agree that there should be no shame in asking for help when you need it.
I think if family members/friends are able to help, it would be kind that they do.
But don't get mad at someone who doesn't help because, for whatever reason, they are unable.

When you do a favor for someone it is just that. A favor. There should be no expectation of payment...not at the time...and not later. Do it simply as a gift or don't do it at all.

really? Not all babies are the same. A baby with colic or reflux or a preemie or a special needs child will cry 24/7 pretty much. A mother that had a c section or tore really badly may not be able to barely even move. A single mother with no father around.

A woman that is trying to breastfeed or pump but its not going well.

I was trying to pump because my babies were not nursing probably due to prematurity. They had a weak suck. So I was trying to feed two babies and change two babies and still have time to pump and my flow was bad so pumping took like 45 minutes. DS 2 had reflux so he was constantly soaking everyone and everything in spit up and constantly crying.

You don't understand why I would have wanted some help?

I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.

That is not how the human race was started. Back to the times of cavemen- humans roamed in packs and people had help. It was the only way they survived. Its okay to ask for help. What you are doing is not helpful to women who have post partum depression or other struggles to shame them for asking/wanting some help. There is nothing wrong with it.

Now if they abuse the help-that is one thing. But nothing shameful whatsoever in asking for some help either.

[Momto2boys973]

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it. It doesn’t make you a hero to overwhelm yourself and it certainly doesn’t make you a better parent.
If you felt you didn’t need any help, good. Other people do need it and it doesn’t make them any less of a parent or a less capable one to ask for it. This myth of the sacrificial mother who should be able to do it all without any help from anyone is very harmful to mothers. We should get rid of it, not perpetuate it. Parenting is hard, yes. But it shouldn’t be a pissing contest in who had it harder and came out of it with flying colors.

I've never understood needing help with a baby.

really? Not all babies are the same. A baby with colic or reflux or a preemie or a special needs child will cry 24/7 pretty much. A mother that had a c section or tore really badly may not be able to barely even move. A single mother with no father around.

A woman that is trying to breastfeed or pump but its not going well.

I was trying to pump because my babies were not nursing probably due to prematurity. They had a weak suck. So I was trying to feed two babies and change two babies and still have time to pump and my flow was bad so pumping took like 45 minutes. DS 2 had reflux so he was constantly soaking everyone and everything in spit up and constantly crying.

You don't understand why I would have wanted some help?

I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.

[RedBottoms]

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it. It doesn’t make you a hero to overwhelm yourself and it certainly doesn’t make you a better parent.
If you felt you didn’t need any help, good. Other people do need it and it doesn’t make them any less of a parent or a less capable one to ask for it. This myth of the sacrificial mother who should be able to do it all without any help from anyone is very harmful to mothers. We should get rid of it, not perpetuate it. Parenting is hard, yes. But it shouldn’t be a pissing contest in who had it harder and came out of it with flying colors.

really? Not all babies are the same. A baby with colic or reflux or a preemie or a special needs child will cry 24/7 pretty much. A mother that had a c section or tore really badly may not be able to barely even move. A single mother with no father around.

A woman that is trying to breastfeed or pump but its not going well.

I was trying to pump because my babies were not nursing probably due to prematurity. They had a weak suck. So I was trying to feed two babies and change two babies and still have time to pump and my flow was bad so pumping took like 45 minutes. DS 2 had reflux so he was constantly soaking everyone and everything in spit up and constantly crying.

You don't understand why I would have wanted some help?

I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.

thank you! I think that mentality is VERY harmful. Its why Andrea Yates killed her kids. She even asked for help and was ignored. Women need to feel its okay to ask for help and receive it if need be.

If you don't need or want help-GREAT! But don't shame other mothers who do. I did not sleep for months with my twins. I started legit hallucinating. I saw aliens crawling on my lawn and in my tv. I knew it was not real but I 100% saw it clear as day. Its scary. That can happen when you go without sleep long enough.

I had my mom come every morning from 6am to about 11 or 12. She watched the twins so I could sleep a few hours. Because I never got any sleep at night. Ever. DH slept because he still had to work. I am not less of a mother because my mom helped at first.

[Libbylu2]

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it. It doesn’t make you a hero to overwhelm yourself and it certainly doesn’t make you a better parent.
If you felt you didn’t need any help, good. Other people do need it and it doesn’t make them any less of a parent or a less capable one to ask for it. This myth of the sacrificial mother who should be able to do it all without any help from anyone is very harmful to mothers. We should get rid of it, not perpetuate it. Parenting is hard, yes. But it shouldn’t be a pissing contest in who had it harder and came out of it with flying colors.

I think parents should be able to take care of their children themselves. I had an emergency csection and a baby with colic and had a two year old. I still managed. It's called parenting.

thank you! I think that mentality is VERY harmful. Its why Andrea Yates killed her kids. She even asked for help and was ignored. Women need to feel its okay to ask for help and receive it if need be.

If you don't need or want help-GREAT! But don't shame other mothers who do. I did not sleep for months with my twins. I started legit hallucinating. I saw aliens crawling on my lawn and in my tv. I knew it was not real but I 100% saw it clear as day. Its scary. That can happen when you go without sleep long enough.

I had my mom come every morning from 6am to about 11 or 12. She watched the twins so I could sleep a few hours. Because I never got any sleep at night. Ever. DH slept because he still had to work. I am not less of a mother because my mom helped at first.

Andrea Yates was mentally ill.
She needed to be hospitalized.
A bunch of friends and relatives helping her would still not work- she was still in need of hospitalization,maybe for months or years.

[RedBottoms]

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it. It doesn’t make you a hero to overwhelm yourself and it certainly doesn’t make you a better parent.
If you felt you didn’t need any help, good. Other people do need it and it doesn’t make them any less of a parent or a less capable one to ask for it. This myth of the sacrificial mother who should be able to do it all without any help from anyone is very harmful to mothers. We should get rid of it, not perpetuate it. Parenting is hard, yes. But it shouldn’t be a pissing contest in who had it harder and came out of it with flying colors.

thank you! I think that mentality is VERY harmful. Its why Andrea Yates killed her kids. She even asked for help and was ignored. Women need to feel its okay to ask for help and receive it if need be.

If you don't need or want help-GREAT! But don't shame other mothers who do. I did not sleep for months with my twins. I started legit hallucinating. I saw aliens crawling on my lawn and in my tv. I knew it was not real but I 100% saw it clear as day. Its scary. That can happen when you go without sleep long enough.

I had my mom come every morning from 6am to about 11 or 12. She watched the twins so I could sleep a few hours. Because I never got any sleep at night. Ever. DH slept because he still had to work. I am not less of a mother because my mom helped at first.

Andrea Yates was mentally ill.
She needed to be hospitalized.
A bunch of friends and relatives helping her would still not work- she was still in need of hospitalization,maybe for months or years.

She was mentally ill. But if her mother or husband or a neighbor or a friend were there with her that day-the kids would still be alive. Sorry-blame does not go just on her. She ASKED for help. Her husband and her mother have blood on their hands when they ignored her.

[Anonymous 4]

thank you! I think that mentality is VERY harmful. Its why Andrea Yates killed her kids. She even asked for help and was ignored. Women need to feel its okay to ask for help and receive it if need be.

If you don't need or want help-GREAT! But don't shame other mothers who do. I did not sleep for months with my twins. I started legit hallucinating. I saw aliens crawling on my lawn and in my tv. I knew it was not real but I 100% saw it clear as day. Its scary. That can happen when you go without sleep long enough.

I had my mom come every morning from 6am to about 11 or 12. She watched the twins so I could sleep a few hours. Because I never got any sleep at night. Ever. DH slept because he still had to work. I am not less of a mother because my mom helped at first.

Andrea Yates was mentally ill.
She needed to be hospitalized.
A bunch of friends and relatives helping her would still not work- she was still in need of hospitalization,maybe for months or years.

She was mentally ill. But if her mother or husband or a neighbor or a friend were there with her that day-the kids would still be alive. Sorry-blame does not go just on her. She ASKED for help. Her husband and her mother have blood on their hands when they ignored her.

You really do think your opinion is the end all be all.

[Momto2boys973]

Not worked, but maybe helped. They would’ve probably been more aware that something was off.
And ultimately, it’s like other mental illness. When I was depressed, people helping me with mundane things obviously wasn’t going to cure me, but the fact that they were there and they relieved some things off my mind did help in a way. At least it helped me not to get more overwhelmed.
I do think that RB has a point in that probably the reason no one rushed to help is, in part, this myth of the sacrificial mom, this idea that a woman should be able to handle it on her own and if not, then she’s just not good of a mother. It’s harmful both in the mothers that end up feeling inadequate, but also in the people that refuse to help because they could do it fine, so everyone else should as well.

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it. It doesn’t make you a hero to overwhelm yourself and it certainly doesn’t make you a better parent.
If you felt you didn’t need any help, good. Other people do need it and it doesn’t make them any less of a parent or a less capable one to ask for it. This myth of the sacrificial mother who should be able to do it all without any help from anyone is very harmful to mothers. We should get rid of it, not perpetuate it. Parenting is hard, yes. But it shouldn’t be a pissing contest in who had it harder and came out of it with flying colors.

thank you! I think that mentality is VERY harmful. Its why Andrea Yates killed her kids. She even asked for help and was ignored. Women need to feel its okay to ask for help and receive it if need be.

If you don't need or want help-GREAT! But don't shame other mothers who do. I did not sleep for months with my twins. I started legit hallucinating. I saw aliens crawling on my lawn and in my tv. I knew it was not real but I 100% saw it clear as day. Its scary. That can happen when you go without sleep long enough.

I had my mom come every morning from 6am to about 11 or 12. She watched the twins so I could sleep a few hours. Because I never got any sleep at night. Ever. DH slept because he still had to work. I am not less of a mother because my mom helped at first.

Andrea Yates was mentally ill.
She needed to be hospitalized.
A bunch of friends and relatives helping her would still not work- she was still in need of hospitalization,maybe for months or years.

[Anonymous 6]

Same. Multiples I guess I could understand, that's a handful. A regular birth and singleton though? Not really. I had a friend try to schedule her own meal train and mothers help for the weeks following the birth of her second. No one signed up.

maybe this is why people like me. I always bring a meal to a new mother. I don't care if its just one easy baby. I also offer to take her older kids out to the park or something to entertain them for her for several hours. I also offer to run to the store for her if she needs anything.

If you were to.show up.at my door with food I would slam the door in your face,throw your your food out and in no way in he'll would you be taking ANY of my children anywhere.

What is wrong with you?
That’s the nastiest reply to another person I’ve ever seen! It’s unacceptable!
Or are you joking ?
Omg I hope you’re joking!