Oh, ok, I misunderstood, I truly thought he literally did not want them & was refusing to take them. making you come get them all willy nilly.KaibAzula wrote: ↑Fri Jun 15, 2018 12:00 pmLiveWhatULove wrote: ↑Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:46 am That sounds so stressful. Sorry this is long.
First thing, I would do is (don't hate me) but likely try to provide some rationalization for your crazy ass ex's behavior. Something like, "kids (especially your 9yo), when we get stressed with new situations, money, moving, etc. sometimes our body, specifically our minds sort of go into this survival mode and we stop using the front part of our brains. It happens to the best of us sometimes, like when you guys threw tantrums when you were little! So your dad is obviously saying things and behaving erratically with all the stress in his life with moving and Grandma getting upset. No, it's not right, but he certainly doesn't mean those things and adults make mistakes too. He loves you and knows you are good kids!! He may just need a break right now." I would do this not for him, but to try to lessen the damage to their self-esteem, from some asshole comments. AND really if he is usually not like this, then it is likely true.
Second, I would rally my support, finances and get arrangements for my kids while I worked.
Third, I would contact the ex, and say, "The children told me they did not feel welcome at your place, so would you like me to keep them for the next 2 weeks, while you get settled? After that time I will call you to see how you are feeling about the kids."
I would not threaten him with court.
I would not accuse him of being an ass, even though he totally is one.
I would be worried of more attacks or violence if I caused him more stress, because he seems to be pretty damn unstable.
So pretty much my whole goal would be about keeping my children safe and as emotionally well as possible, until he calmed the F down.
It's really not an issue about getting someone to watch the kids while I work, my dad is retired and will watch them everyday if I asked, my mom only works 2 days a week and my brother is off nights. So that's really a non issue.
I talked to the 9 year old and told her that I am not trying to keep her away from her dad, but if he says you can't be there then, you have to stay with me or go with Big Pa (my dad). She is still upset and wants to be with her dad because she loves him. The other 2 just flat out are done with him, while this is the first time he kicked them out, it's not the first time he has screamed an yelled at them.
He wouldn't go for me keeping them for 2 weeks, I know he would call the police and cause a huge scene over it. Especially on Sunday for fathers day. Not that I am not willing to deal with that for the kids. I just am so confused and hurt for my kids sake.
Well, then I would still just keep stressing, their father is human and not coping well. And their job is to try to be calm and patient with him. Record the behavior through this volatile time, so when the time comes to re-evaluate custody, you have all your little ducks in a row.
Good luck!