No relationship with in-laws?

[Anonymous 1]

If you have little or no contact with your in-laws, what happened to cause that?

I have a number of friends who have no relationship or very little with their in-laws and they pretty much all say that the in-laws are so overbearing and intrusive that it caused a major rift.

[Nvl0707]

My mother in-law is a narcissist.

[famousglm714]

I like mine but I let DH handle that. I don’t just wander over there alone. Just like he doesn’t hang out with my mom out of the blue, lol. So the reason we don’t see them much is because DH doesn’t want to I guess. Plus it’s really annoying when people think you’re obligated to come see them all the time.

[Anonymous 2]

My DH has 2 sets of parents because of divorce. They both don't live right by us (within 2 hours), but there is not a lot of communication whatsoever. So it's not just that we don't live near by..there isn't a lot of phones calls and things like that either. We don't spend hardly any holidays together either. Around Christmas we will see them. Some thanksgivings but not every year. The rest of the holidays are not with them.

They just don't put in any effort. They don't seem interested. We see them about 2-3 times a year on average. They don't show their emotions much at all. But one thing that gets all 4 of them going with major emotion is how much they hate trump! I was shocked how much emotion they showed with that subject!

[EarlGrayHot]

Wow. I loved my husband's mother and all his siblings and their spouses. They were/are all great people. I wish we had lived closer to them.

[carterscutie85]

I have never met my MIL. She was abusive to DH as a kid. He tried to let her be back in his life once he had kids, but he said she kept making promises to SD and not following through so he stopped talking to her. I like my FIL and his wife though, they are not overbearing but they also live in a different state and that helps lol.

[CotterpinDoozer]

I have almost no contact with my MIL, for a great variety of reasons, some worse than others. It's too much to get into, but the big 3 that made me give up on her were:

1. She fucked up my husband's credit through incredibly shady means, that we had to get a lawyer involved in to fix. It took us years to get his credit straightened out again. And she had the audacity to ask us for the kids SSN to "open a trust fund" then had a fit when we said hell no. She also said in the past that my check should go to paying the bills and rent and groceries, and he should send his check to her.

2. She nearly ruined DD's 1st birthday. She lied and threatened and ended up pissing my DH off so bad that not only did he tell her she would be arrested if she showed up, but he didn't speak to her for a little over a year because of her bullshit.

3. This was the one that made me realize that there was no reason to keep putting ourselves in these uncomfortable situations because of her. She told the older two kids, to their faces, that she was more important than them and we should be taking care of her instead. I lost it. She and DH fight all the time, but she wasn't expecting me to get on her about it. DS was little enough he doesn't remember it, but DD does remember it.

After that, I told DH that if he wants to continue to ride her emotional rollercoaster of bullshit, then fine, but the kids and I don't meet the height requirement. He has pretty limited contact with her now too.

FIL is just a big giant man-baby who we don't ever see and who only sometimes calls and guilt-gifts on the kids birthdays because he's never met them.

[Ladyiq]

My in laws live in another country and when they visit the states its usually for a specific reason and DH is never that reason. There have been times when he would find out they were here via conversations with his other siblings.

[Anonymous 3]

They are overbearing and manipulative to the point that I nearly left DH rather than deal with any more of them treating me like crap, undermining me with our kids at every turn and him not supporting me. At that time, he finally got it through his head I was serious and told them to behave like decent human beings or stay away. Right after that happened, we moved to another state. They are exhausting to deal with so he gets to do that. They have done things that I never would have believed if I hadn't experienced them myself. More than once I've been both infuriated and speechless at the same time.

[Anonymous 4]

I leave the interaction/scheduling to my DH. Largely due to the fact that it is his family. But in addition, I am not necessarily considered family by them (unless they want something from me). I did try in the early part of our marriage but got tired of making all the effort. We all live pretty far apart from each other as well. And with the exception of my DH, all his siblings are divorced.

BIL 1: Lives the closest but in recent years, we have distanced ourselves. He is a bit of a misogynist and ultra-conservative. His conservative leanings would not be an issue except that he is rude about it and attacks character instead of dealing with the facts. He doesn't respect other opinions.
BIL 2: Lives 4 states away. Rarely see him. And he is emotionally distant. I actually am closer to his ex-wife and communicate with her regularly (and yes my DH knows this and is okay with that. She has actually visited here with our nephews)
SIL 1: Lives in Europe. A narcissist. Expects the world to stop when she visits the states with her sons
SIL 2: Lives 4 states away. Helicopter mom to her only child who has thankfully broken away a bit now that she is in college. Must always have a man in her life (currently on her 5th engagement)

My MIL is emotionally distance as well. She lives about 4 hours away. On the one hand, I never have horrible MIL stories because my MIL does not interfere in our relationship at all. On the other hand, she virtually has no relationship with our daughter. Out of 7 grandchildren, she clearly has her 3 favorites. She is willing to travel to participate/see those favorites and their events. Not so for the rest of them. She will hop on a plane and travel 6+ hours to Europe but won't get on a train to visit her granddaughter. She isn't even going to go to the oldest's college graduation next year that is only 3 hours away (and she was invited). We used to travel down but once my DD had more activities/school, etc., that declined. Now that MIL is retired she has tried by coming to an event that was closer to her but my DD just doesn't connect with her.

For the record, when my parents were alive, my DH had a nice relationship with my mom (my dad died shortly after we were married). My Mom lived 800 miles away but had a closer relationship to my DD than my MIL.