Would like advice Re: Trans person

[Anonymous 1]

Yes I like this but still seems to be sweeping the obvious under the rug, which I certainly can do. Just was thinking I should or wanted to mention a tiny something. I am not on social media so for all I know, she could have posted things on there about her son being trans but I have no clue. If I was still on social media (I haven't been on there for 8-9 years) and she did post about her son being trans, I certainly would have said something about it on there in a supportive way so I guess this feels familiar to me in that I wanted to acknowledge it as well that I received the grad card.

Return a card with "it was wonderful to see that ____ is graduating college. So hard to believe how time has flown since our kids played together. All the best to ___ on their graduation and well wishes to the entire family. Would love to re-connect sometime via social media or phone. Really miss our time together in _____. Warmly, __________" I would include a recent picture of your daughter.

[RIZZY]

I know I don't need to acknowledge it, but I want to. I think it's more awkward to act like it's not happening and just say congrats to "new name" as if I knew the info.

Them being trans has no bearing on how you behave in this situation. You don't need to acknowledge that they have changed, that is so awkward. Just send back a note/gift/whatever saying congrats and using their new name. As if they had always been female.

It's not. I promise. It's way more awkward to insist on reminding them that they are trans and other people know it.

Do exactly as you would do if they weren't trans and were just born a girl.

[Anonymous 3]

Nope. I don't agree with that crap.

[Anonymous 1]

Don’t agree with what?

Nope. I don't agree with that crap.

[Olioxenfree]

It doesn’t matter. They know their child is transgender and they know that you noticed that their child is now female, you don’t need to point it out. Just congratulate them and use their chosen name, that is how you can show your support for them. I promise, bringing attention to it and making a comment about the obvious is just awkward for them. Let them celebrate their child’s graduation without the “you did mention your son is now a daughter, that’s great!”

The teenager will not be seeing my text to their mom I'm sure.

Just send a “congrats to ——— for graduating!”, don’t put any attention on their gender change. I guarantee the teenager just wants to be treated as anyone else and not gave it brought up.

[AZOldGal66]

Just a sincere yet simple "Congrats to the graduate" type of card or message, using the teenager's name they now go by.

That little sign of respect....using the graduate's new name...will be all that is necessary.

[Anonymous 4]

The appropriate response is to NOT bring attention to the fact the kid is trans at all. Congratulate them on graduating and use the graduate's preferred name. That's it.

We had a friend transition or actually it was his parent. I knew she was unhappy but never saw it coming. So we discussed it and she understood my surprise although I accepted her. It's an adult so perhaps it's different but I couldn't pretend the transition didn't happen. I knew this person as one gender for many years after all. She explained the process she went through somewhat and I had a better understanding of what people like her go through. I guess it depends on their relationship. OP sounds like she's not going to talk to this friend again very much. In that case she can just say congrats to (New Name). I see my friend and her son all the time. Either way I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

[Anonymous 5]

I just feel like it's strange to not mention it at all.

It wouldn't seem strange to me. If someone is afraid that others might view a change as glaringly abnormal and possibly unacceptable (whether that's a new hair style or a tattoo), not bringing any attention at all to it and just treating them the same way you always have can be better than making a great fuss over it (even a positive fuss).

[MrsDavidB]

This happened with my cousin's son Tyler also. We all knew he was gay but on the day of his graduation the pics they put up were all of him wearing a dress, make up to the nines, heels, jewelry etc. He just came out trans to the whole family (and world) just like that. NOBODY mentioned it on the post! We all just said congratulations Tyler! Do not say anything. It's not necessary!!

[Anonymous 6]

This happened with my cousin's son Tyler also. We all knew he was gay but on the day of his graduation the pics they put up were all of him wearing a dress, make up to the nines, heels, jewelry etc. He just came out trans to the whole family (and world) just like that. NOBODY mentioned it on the post! We all just said congratulations Tyler! Do not say anything. It's not necessary!!

You mean your cousins daughter.