Cardboard cutouts of dead people

[CherryTreez]

My fil died 8 years ago. My bils have struggled with his death. He had cancer. They got a life size cardboard cutouts of fil. They bring it to all pictures. Think weddings, graduations, family pictures. If they can bring it, then they put him in the picture digitally. They bring it out for family holidays. They will say 'wait, we need to get dad'. And get the cutout.

I think it's wrong and I refuse to have anything to do with it. Does this seem odd or weird to you? I have never heard of other people doing this and after so many years too.

[Traci_Momof2]

It seems weird to me. It seem like they are still in a level of denial about their dad's death. Have they ever sought any kind of counseling for their grieving process? This doesn't seem like healthy coping.

I could maybe see it being fun or cute the first time, but every time at every event? Putting him in all the pictures? That screams not wanting to admit that he's no longer there.

[Anonymous 1]

Yeah that seems odd especially after so many years. I can see maybe after it's been soon after but not that long. I saw someone that lost their young child to cancer do that with a family group picture..added it in digitally. And I think they made it "ghost like" like see through a little in the picture. It looked very sweet. But I have never seen a cut out done..that seems odd.

[RIZZY]

I've heard of a lot of people doing this. They are clearly struggling with the loss of their father. People grieve in all sorts of ways. They could also think it's funny, which it is.

I started putting up a little ofrenda for my dad around Halloween. I know Dia de los muertos is mostly a Mexican tradition and I know how they typically celebrate it. I'm not Mexican or Hispanic and I don't practice it in the traditional way that many Mexican people do but I set up a little ofrenda for him, write him a little letter, and pour him a beer with his favorite foods/snacks. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Fourth of July were always his favorites so this is my way of dealing with it. It's a little weird but I don't care.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't think the cardboard cut out is that weird.

[MrsDavidB]

Yes I find that weird. Especially since it's been so long. I wouldn't have anything to do with it either.

[LiveWhatULove]

I think it is weird. But it also feels harmless. I would not refuse to be in a family picture or cause drama over it, if it seems to bring them comfort.

[CherryTreez]

I think it is weird. But it also feels harmless. I would not refuse to be in a family picture or cause drama over it, if it seems to bring them comfort.

I don't like it. I feel so wrong to me. I have 2 children that were born after he died. It makes them feel weird. They know that they have a grandfather who before they were born. They know that they have a sister who died before they were born. They understand death much better than most adults. The cutout bothers them. It also makes the pictures look weird. Dh doesn't like it. He says his dad would have hated it.

[Quorra2.0]

It seems unhealthy to me. Dh really wasn’t able to grieve after his dad died. Largely because he was 19 and mil expected him to take care of everything, including her even though she refused to take care of herself. I’m talking she was hospitalized, had a subclavian port for parenteral nutrition, left the hospital ama and the Dr had Dh taught how to flush and care for the port etc. I didn’t know them then, but I know it took years for Dh to actually allow himself to grieve and even be angry at his mom. So I don’t agree with unhealthy means of handling or the avoidance of handling grief.

[Gorilla_Mama]

That’s weird for sure but I guess everyone grieves in their own way. Does the rest of the family go along with it or have others expressed concerns?

[jas]

While odd, that is their way to cope. Who are you to tell someone else what they are doing is wrong? Don't like it? Don't participate. It's up to your dh if he wants to make a big deal over it as it was his dad as well, not yours. jmo.