Would you do anything with this information?

[Anonymous 1]

My daughter's best friend lives in a very ritzy neighborhood. The community center inside the neighborhood has an amazing gym, spa, and cafe. My daughter and her friend go there several days a week, to work out, do homework, hang out, whatever.

Last night, my daughter came home crying because she found out that her best friend skipped school that day and went and hung out with a guy who works at the cafe. The guy bought her (my daughter's best friend) some alcohol. My daughter tells me that this is not the first time this has happened and that she thinks the guy is doing it to take advantage of her friend. She says the guy is 24-25 years old and that also tried talking to her- on Instagram- but that she blocked him because she knows that's inappropriate and gross. My daughter actually called him a pedophile. The girls are 16.

The mom of the other girl already knows about what is happening but hasn't done anything to stop it because she thinks if she does anything, it will further strain her relationship with her daughter. I guess they're having a lot of problems.

I know the guy's name and where he works. What would you do with this information, if anything?

[Olioxenfree]

That honestly depends a lot on the age of consent in your state. Do I think it’s right? No. But unless he is doing something illegal there isn’t a lot you can do about it. She is old enough to drive, two years from being a full adult. So this is something she needs to realize. Her mother might know that she can’t make her at her age, so if she pushes it she might be the type to just buckle down and continue out of spite, so she might see it better to be there for when it falls apart rather than to drive her away by trying to make her. I would keep talking to my daughter about it and advise her that the best thing she can do is to be a friend right now. To gently keep talking to her friend about the important of school and how she cares about her so she wants her to have healthy relationships.

[Traci_Momof2]

Does the guy know that she is underage when he is buying her alcohol? Or could she by lying to him about her age? If I was pretty confident that he knew she was underage I might talk to the manager of that cafe and just suggest they watch their employees closer on this issue. Is he buying it for her while he's working the cafe or on his off time?

Also, if it were me, I would caution my DD against throwing around the "pedophile" term so casually. First of all, pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent girls and I think we dilute the true meaning when we use it for older teens. Secondly, so far he's just talked to and hung out with 16 year olds. Last I checked there is nothing illegal about talking and hanging out. Thirdly, depending on the state, 16 could be the age of consent and therefore nothing illegal about a consentual sexual relationship between the two of them.

[Anonymous 1]

That honestly depends a lot on the age of consent in your state. Do I think it’s right? No. But unless he is doing something illegal there isn’t a lot you can do about it. She is old enough to drive, two years from being a full adult. So this is something she needs to realize. Her mother might know that she can’t make her at her age, so if she pushes it she might be the type to just buckle down and continue out of spite, so she might see it better to be there for when it falls apart rather than to drive her away by trying to make her. I would keep talking to my daughter about it and advise her that the best thing she can do is to be a friend right now. To gently keep talking to her friend about the important of school and how she cares about her so she wants her to have healthy relationships.

Age of consent in my state is 18.

I wasn't asking about legal repercussions. For that, I would have to have proof and it would probably be a slap on the wrist if anything.

[Anonymous 1]

Does the guy know that she is underage when he is buying her alcohol? Or could she by lying to him about her age? If I was pretty confident that he knew she was underage I might talk to the manager of that cafe and just suggest they watch their employees closer on this issue. Is he buying it for her while he's working the cafe or on his off time?

Also, if it were me, I would caution my DD against throwing around the "pedophile" term so casually. First of all, pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent girls and I think we dilute the true meaning when we use it for older teens. Secondly, so far he's just talked to and hung out with 16 year olds. Last I checked there is nothing illegal about talking and hanging out. Thirdly, depending on the state, 16 could be the age of consent and therefore nothing illegal about a consentual sexual relationship between the two of them.

My daughter told me that he knows how old they are. They also both have their correct age in their Instagram profile/bio. The age of consent is 18 here. There may be nothing illegal about it but it's gross and wrong. And worse, he's obviously preying on them and looking to take advantage of someone if he's buying alcohol for them in the middle of the day on a school day while she is skipping school. It's only a matter of time before he escalates his behavior.

My daughter does know about the true meaning of a pedophile. I'm less concerned about "throwing the word around" than I am about actual predators.

[Anonymous 2]

If the guy gave your daughter alcohol, I would report it to the Cafe. If you daughter heard about it second hand, I wouldn't but I would encourage my daughter not to hang out with her friend at the Cafe anymore.

Unless you have actually spoken with the mom, I would assume she knows. "My mom knows" is a line I used often as a teen. You may call the mom and just explain briefly why you don't feel comfortable with your daughter going to their community center/cafe. Then mom would know.

[MrsDavidB]

I did stuff like this all the time when I was a teen. Worse even. I have no advice.

[AZOldGal66]

How close are you to your daughter's friend? Would she be receptive to you giving her unsolicited advice on this man with your daughter there while you're talking to the girl?

[Aletheia]

pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent girls and I think we dilute the true meaning when we use it for older teens.

Yep, the technical term for guys like Donald Trump is "hebephiliac".

[carterscutie85]

I would have rock solid proof before I said anything to anyone. And a text message where the girl says he did isn't proof unless he bought it from the cafe and served it to her.