My very best friend and I have another friend who we often hang out with. I will refer to my best friend as VBF and the other friend as OF.
VBF and I are constantly doing things for each other and also for OF. Like, if I am out and see something I know VBF or OF need, I will grab it. VBF does the same. We won't ask for money unless it is a more expensive item. VBF and I make all kinds of different shirts, tumblers, keychains, magnets, and other items. If we make something for each other or OF, the most we ever charge is materials. OF makes cakes. She always wants full price for her cakes no matter what.
OF has young children. ABF and I often watch her children, or our older children will watch her children for free. (Because that is what friends do) However, I needed a ride one day to pick up my car. VBF was working. OF came to get me, then pulled into a gas station and looked at me expectantly. She lives literally 5 miles from my house and the dealership is about 10 miles away from my house...but about 5 away from hers.
VBF and I were talking about it and there have been a lot of these types of situations between OF and us. A few months ago, OF and her entire family were down with a stomach flu. I was out of town. VBF asked OF if she could drop off some gatorade and a few other essenatials. She sent her money on Venmo. OF spent about half of it, didn't even get what was asked for, and kept the rest of the money.
I feel it is time to distance ourselves from her. I'm over it. I feel she takes advantage of our friendship.
Would you drop this friend?
Yes I probably would start to distance myself. I don’t like bold people and if I do favors for someone and then they can’t do one back for me, I don’t think I would keep doing it...not saying If it was some type of emergency that I would ignore her.....but I would pull back some on the friendship.
- MonarchMom
- Princess Royal
- Posts: 5729
- Joined: Sat May 26, 2018 8:52 pm
Everyone is entitled to their own ideas about how money should be handled between friends. You know that OF is expecting a more transactional exchange. Just don't ask her to do things unless you are comfortable paying the cost she expects. No need to not be friends, just don't expect her to think the way you do.
-
- Duchess
- Posts: 1558
- Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:16 am
This. She doesn't have to things your way.MonarchMom wrote: ↑Tue Jul 07, 2020 10:27 am Everyone is entitled to their own ideas about how money should be handled between friends. You know that OF is expecting a more transactional exchange. Just don't ask her to do things unless you are comfortable paying the cost she expects. No need to not be friends, just don't expect her to think the way you do.
-
- Princess
- Posts: 11408
- Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 5:53 pm
Is this someone who I enjoy spending time with and who I have a good time with? That's how I decide if I want to be friends with someone, not based on what free stuff they give me.
I have not read a single mention where your other friend reciprocates without asking for money. If you don't want to drop her, stop giving her free shit. Charge her like she does you. And the next time she wants gas money for taking you somewhere guesstimate her gas mileage and give accordingly. For instance, I get 26 mpg in the city. Gas is around $1.99 a gallon. Let's say she drove 15 miles round trip. That's about half a gallon of gas for me. So that would cost me $1.
Stop just picking stuff up for her and if you make something charge her the full amount. Charge her to watch her kids. If she says something explain that you did it for free because that’s what you thought friends did. But since she’s charges for little things that she doesn’t feel the same way.
-
- Donated
-
Princess
- Posts: 18971
- Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 6:31 am
The part about her not buying me what I specifically asked for would annoy me. The rest, not so much. Seems she's either not so generous or has unspoken financial problems. I would just not rely on her anymore or give her anything for free. Problem solved.
-
- Duchess
- Posts: 1817
- Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 9:46 am
This.