How do you end things with someone?

[Anonymous 1]

I want a divorce. There are so many reasons why I should get a divorce. Too many to list. Everyone else around me had been telling me this for years, including my therapist. So, last night I decided to drop the hammer and ask for a divorce. He got so upset and kept asking me why. He should know why, I have been telling him why all these years. But still he acted blindsided and crushed. I felt so terrible! He kept asking "what about the kids?". I couldn't do it. I told him I don't know what to do, that I wasn't sure about my leaving. I needed more time to think about it. So basically I chickened out of it. Now I don't know what to do. There's got to be an easier way than this. I almost wish he would find someone else and leave me rather than have to go through that again. That felt horrible!

[KendallsMom]

He's playing you. File for divorce.

[lauren08]

He’s just trying to guilt you into staying, IMO. Don’t fall into the trap, and stick to your guns. Good luck.

[Anonymous 2]

You leave. While he is out of the house you pack up a few necessities and you leave. Have him served the next day.

[californiagirl83]

You're being played. Don't let him make you second guess your decision. You came to it for a reason, please remember it going forward. You deserve better than living a certain life out of guilt.

[Pjmm]

I agree. If you've told him and he changes nothing or won't go to therapy you're being played. If you choose to stay it's only if he makes a conscious effort to work on the problems. Otherwise your mind is made up and there's no argument to be had.

[Deleted User 670]

I want a divorce. There are so many reasons why I should get a divorce. Too many to list. Everyone else around me had been telling me this for years, including my therapist. So, last night I decided to drop the hammer and ask for a divorce. He got so upset and kept asking me why. He should know why, I have been telling him why all these years. But still he acted blindsided and crushed. I felt so terrible! He kept asking "what about the kids?". I couldn't do it. I told him I don't know what to do, that I wasn't sure about my leaving. I needed more time to think about it. So basically I chickened out of it. Now I don't know what to do. There's got to be an easier way than this. I almost wish he would find someone else and leave me rather than have to go through that again. That felt horrible!

Pack his shit up and put it outside and serve him with divorce papers. And the whole 'what about the kids' is just an emotional stalling tactic. Tell him in response to 'what about the kids' that you hope he'll step the f**k up and coparent, otherwise they'll be just fine with just you in the picture.

[MonarchMom]

There is no need at this point to have another conversation. It clearly does not get you the changes you want. This is not about avoiding a difficult or painful moment, it is about changing your life for the better.

I would advise you consult with an attorney before taking any other actions. You need to know how the divorce will effect your finances, custody, ownership if there is a home, etc. You may need to document the family medical insurance, bank statements and other papers before you leave. Leaving the home may effect your own rights to shared property or child support.

You may need to have the support of family or friends to move out or be there when you ask him to move out. Get information, make a plan, then take action.

[Lotus]

the first conversation is always the most difficult.
now the door is wide open.

[Lotus]

There is no need at this point to have another conversation. It clearly does not get you the changes you want. This is not about avoiding a difficult or painful moment, it is about changing your life for the better.

I would advise you consult with an attorney before taking any other actions. You need to know how the divorce will effect your finances, custody, ownership if there is a home, etc. You may need to document the family medical insurance, bank statements and other papers before you leave. Leaving the home may effect your own rights to shared property or child support.

You may need to have the support of family or friends to move out or be there when you ask him to move out. Get information, make a plan, then take action.

you always offer sound advice.