Is it wrong to ask a virtual stranger what they make?

[AngelicUnicorn]

It is rude to ask someone how much money they earn. More so, if the person asking is a total stranger. The reason for asking is not important. Apparently, that is something that isn’t taught any more. I wouldn’t have answered that question either. I would have referred the stranger to the agency I work for for more information.

[Deleted User 638]

It was a rude question. You weren't asking her about a nanny job. That would have been the only time her question was okay.

[Lotus]

In this instance what she really wanted to know was average cost of a nanny because her sister wanted one. She just didn't word it well. So I'd give her a ballpark going rate. You could do that without discussing your actual salary.

THIS ^^^^^^^

[Traci_Momof2]

Yesterday I went to the dentist to get a cleaning. We were making small talk when I mentioned I was a nanny. She then asked how much I made because her sister needs a nanny.

Mind you I’m not looking for a job and I wasn’t complaining about mine.

I was taken aback by the comment.

I didn’t answer her and it seemed as if she realized it wasn’t such a hot idea to ask such a question and she started asking me other questions about being a nanny and I happily answered those questions and directed her to the agency that I went through.

To me her asking me what I made was akin to me walking up to a lawyer standing in line at the grocery store and asking how much they make, or asking the dental hygienist how much she makes while she’s cleaning my teeth.

I asked on a nanny group how they would have handled the situation and I was told by 99% that I was wrong to think she was out of line to ask and that I should have told her since it’s a good idea to ‘educate others on nannies’

One even told me that she tells her friends and family what she makes so it’s no big deal if a virtual stranger asks...when I tried explaining friends and family are different than a stranger she didn’t seem to comprehend what I was saying.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not pissed or think much more than wow! That was rude.

But I wonder what you guys think. Is it rude to ask a virtual stranger flat out how much they make? Would you freely tell people you meet out and about how much you make?

I take it that she was asking because she wanted to know what was reasonable for her sister to pay for a nanny. She wasn't just asking to be rude or nosy. And trust me, DH and I are the type to be very private about our finances, but I don't see this situation as rude. She was following the flow of the conversation. You could have just answered with "Well most Nanny's in this area make in the range of $X - $Y." It would've given her the info she was looking for and you could still keep your personal info private.

[PoplarGrove]

In her case I think it was probably worded improperly. Since her sister is looking into hiring a Nanny a better way to have worded it would have been "what's the going rate for a Nanny in our area? My sister is looking into hiring a Nanny".

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

In her case I think it was probably worded improperly. Since her sister is looking into hiring a Nanny a better way to have worded it would have been "what's the going rate for a Nanny in our area? My sister is looking into hiring a Nanny".

Wording it like you mentioned wouldn’t have bothered me at all and I would have freely given the information. But to flat out ask me what I make was what I felt was wrong.

[MonkeySeeMonkeyDo]

She wasn't rude - she had a reason for the interest and explained what it was. You were rude for blowing her off.

What?!?!?!? I was rude for not wanting to disclose how much I make?!?!? Wow!

[EarlGrayHot]

It's never ok to ask someone what they make. That's just rude. She should refer her to her sister and let them work it out.

[Anonymous 8]

Would you ask a lawyer how much they charge if you were looking for a lawyer? She didn’t ask out of the blue. Her sister wants a nanny and she was just asking to see a ballpark number.

[jas]

She wasn't rude - she had a reason for the interest and explained what it was. You were rude for blowing her off.

What?!?!?!? I was rude for not wanting to disclose how much I make?!?!? Wow!

For blowing her off, yes. You could have given her a ballpark figure in the context of the conversation you were having.