I need some help saying something tactful

QuantumNursing
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My niece is a darling girl. She is truly amazingly smart,kind and just wonderful. I love her very much not just as my niece but also a friend. So it’s truly important to me to get this right. It’s no surprise to anyone that I’m a pretty blunt and tactless person so need help with the words.


My niece is 7 months gone with a sweet,baby girl after many years of infertility. She has announced the name last night at family dinner. Such a beautiful name and she just lit up when saying it. The only issue is that the middle name is the same as my daughter’s name. I have absolutely no issue with it being the same. I’m also not under the impression that her sweet little one is being named after mine. It’s a very,very common name in Catholicism. Here’s the problem niece keeps over explaining why she picked the name and how much she loves the name,asking me if it bothers me and if it does bother me that she will change. I keep telling her I love and it’s perfect and I have no problem with it. But she still keeps overexposing,defending etc..... What can I say tactfully that she has every right to named her precious little one whatever she wants and I will love it the same, I really want to do this right so her feelings don’t get hurt because of my brashness. Can anyone help? Valentina, Mom of 3 anyone?
PoplarGrove
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She's probably worried because you are blunt and tactless (no offense meant there).

I'd tell her that you LOVE the middle name she plans on giving her daughter and that's why you gave it to your daughter and you are so happy that your great niece will share a name with your daughter. If you really want to hammer in the point (and she's not the type who would change the name when the baby's born) get her something personalized with the baby's name and write in the card how happy you are that she's picked the perfect name for her little miracle.
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MonarchMom
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The next time it comes up just tell her "you are very thoughtful to ask if the baby's middle name is an issue for me. It is absolutely not a problem. It would make be feel better if you didn't need to ask again. Let's consider this settled and a happy resolution."
Olioxenfree
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I would just let it be. Just keep assuring her that you really don't mind and she'll move on with time. No need to make a thing and have a confrontation about it, once the baby is born she'll be too busy and distracted and will move on.
QuantumNursing
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PoplarGrove wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:07 pm She's probably worried because you are blunt and tactless (no offense meant there).

I'd tell her that you LOVE the middle name she plans on giving her daughter and that's why you gave it to your daughter and you are so happy that your great niece will share a name with your daughter. If you really want to hammer in the point (and she's not the type who would change the name when the baby's born) get her something personalized with the baby's name and write in the card how happy you are that she's picked the perfect name for her little miracle.
I absolutely am very blunt. Any other person would get “Bitch stop wasting my time with this shit. Your kid and your name”. So don’t want to do that too her. I love the idea of a personalized gift. When my oldest was born my mom started the tradition of a Silver (probably played) nursery rhyme character with their names engraved and a spot where the date of birth would go. They were all piggy banks. Love it. Oh absolutely no offense taken
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If she mentions it again try something like "I think you are amazing for thinking of my feelings right now so let me tell you how much I love you and that it is not and never will be the tiniest of hiccups for me. I'm beyond giddy about your baby coming, ..." then change the subject to her plans for nursery, etc.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible
QuantumNursing
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MonarchMom wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:12 pm The next time it comes up just tell her "you are very thoughtful to ask if the baby's middle name is an issue for me. It is absolutely not a problem. It would make be feel better if you didn't need to ask again. Let's consider this settled and a happy resolution."
Lovely way to put it. Thank You
QuantumNursing
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stilltfez wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:14 pm If she mentions it again try something like "I think you are amazing for thinking of my feelings right now so let me tell you how much I love you and that it is not and never will be the tiniest of hiccups for me. I'm beyond giddy about your baby coming, ..." then change the subject to her plans for nursery, etc.
Love this too. I’m taking notes. Thank You
QuantumNursing
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Olioxenfree wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:13 pm I would just let it be. Just keep assuring her that you really don't mind and she'll move on with time. No need to make a thing and have a confrontation about it, once the baby is born she'll be too busy and distracted and will move on.
You are truly delusional. You have been on this board long enough to know that’s not how I work. Especially when I’m not the one ever bringing it up and you know we have words ourselves and you know I don’t work that way. You know I say it the way it is
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Baconqueen13
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You kind of contradict yourself in the post saying the only issue is the middle name is the same as your daughter's and then saying it's not an issue, it's the mom's worrying about it being the issue. Tell her you're honored your kids will have the same middle name. And leave it at that if it truly isn't an issue, Not just that you love it, but you're honored. Or if it truly bothers you then be honest.
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