My older brother is a jerk and his wife is a shrew....

Anonymous 8

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Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:24 pm
Anonymous 8 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:05 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:48 pm


So lying is just fine?
Are you his mommy? It's none of your business why they don't want to go or what they tell her. They are adults and can choose not to attend any event they want. Again mind your business and stop creating drama.
I’m not my older brother’s biggest fan, but when he was unemployed for 4 years I sent him $1500 every holiday to buy presents for his kids.
And? What does that have to do with you sticking your nose in his families business? Giving someone money dosent entitle you to meddle in his business. Clearly you haven't figured it out yet. You are the problem mind your business and you won't have drama. You are creating the drama.
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madfoodie
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Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:23 pm
madfoodie wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:23 pm
Are you going to say why?
They live 90 minutes driving distance from my 94 year old grandmother and were supposed to spend Thanksgiving with her and my family. They haven’t seen her since the last time we were there, and she lost one of her children (my mother) in May. They made other plans.

We live 3 1/2 hours from her by plane. We visited in July, we are going for Thanksgiving, and we might actually return for a few days in January. It’s expensive, a pain in the ass, etc etc to do it, but she still lives independently (she’s in a 55+ community, but in independent living housing). My older brother has some lame excuse for why she is toxic, but she didn’t actually speak to me from 12-24 and I can get past it. She’s not actually toxic, but she was certainly the queen of backhanded compliments until she was 80/85. She treated my older brother like a king until he moved thousands of miles away without telling her years ago. He was then offended when she returned the Christmas gifts he sent that year to “sender” without opening them.

They are coming to see her on a different day when my family is there, so it genuinely is them and not her. And my SIL lied directly to me saying that they were hosting at their house and my grandmother was certainly welcome (but she didn’t think my grandmother would be up for it). My brother unintentionally busted her because I asked him to call and invite grandma directly.

So yeah, jerk and shrew.
Im so sorry. Seeing our elderly relatives before they die is so important. I just lost my grandma this spring and I'd love be able to see her again.
This sounds like a hot mess. I don't think I'd deal with them.
i want candy!
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agander2017
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So glad I'm an only child....
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Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:28 pm
Anonymous 5 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 8:45 pm
It looks like grandma made her bed and can lie in it. Your brother is under no obligation to go out of his way for someone who treated him like crap.
Seriously? She treated me like crap, not him. And whatever happened in the past, she’s 94 years old. She’s going to die sooner rather than later.

My 70 year old mother called her EVERY DAY until my mother died. She’s hurting. My brother is an ass hole.
Perhaps he's angry on your behalf. Idk of course but he's certainly capable of saying no. I wouldn't worry unnecessarily about his behavior because you can't control it. Just do you.
Anonymous 10

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Same here.
pinkbutterfly66 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 5:44 pm
My brother is a jerk too. I don't see him very often because of it.
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Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:48 pm
Anonymous 7 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:22 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 7:23 pm


They live 90 minutes driving distance from my 94 year old grandmother and were supposed to spend Thanksgiving with her and my family. They haven’t seen her since the last time we were there, and she lost one of her children (my mother) in May. They made other plans.

We live 3 1/2 hours from her by plane. We visited in July, we are going for Thanksgiving, and we might actually return for a few days in January. It’s expensive, a pain in the ass, etc etc to do it, but she still lives independently (she’s in a 55+ community, but in independent living housing). My older brother has some lame excuse for why she is toxic, but she didn’t actually speak to me from 12-24 and I can get past it. She’s not actually toxic, but she was certainly the queen of backhanded compliments until she was 80/85. She treated my older brother like a king until he moved thousands of miles away without telling her years ago. He was then offended when she returned the Christmas gifts he sent that year to “sender” without opening them.

They are coming to see her on a different day when my family is there, so it genuinely is them and not her. And my SIL lied directly to me saying that they were hosting at their house and my grandmother was certainly welcome (but she didn’t think my grandmother would be up for it). My brother unintentionally busted her because I asked him to call and invite grandma directly.

So yeah, jerk and shrew.
The only jerk and shrew in this situation is you. Why in the hell are you trying to manage other adult's relationship? Also, how rude can you be to manipulate someone to invite people to their home when it's obvious they didn't want too.
So lying is just fine?
Sometimes it's preferable in family situations, when you know damned well someone is going to bitch about something. It keeps the peace.
Anonymous 11

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Just because you're willing to be a doormat and forgive her clearly toxic behavior doesn't mean your brother has to, and since you didn't have contact for years you really have no idea what their dynamic has been. She played a petty game and now she's paying for it.
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